The Big Picture

Blogging Hiatus

2011-12-19T08:00:00.000-05:00

We'll be taking a little blogging hiatus to celebrate the holidays. If you spot an article that you think our fans should see, post it on our Facebook wall. We'll see you in January. Happy New Year!

Taylor Armstrong Blames Self for Abuse

2011-12-07T09:44:00.004-05:00

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Taylor Armstrong gave an interview about the domestic violence she experienced last night, and she said that she "ended up in this situation because of [her] own flaws and [her] own insecurities." We want to say to Taylor, her viewers, and the rest of the world, that this is patently false.

No one deserves to have violence used against them and there is literally nothing in the world I can do to cause you to hit me. We each have individual responsibility to control our anger and to control our bodies, and each time we get angry, we have a choice to make. We can choose to hit another person, to scream, to walk away, to dig a hole, or to do whatever we need to do to channel our emotions and our adrenaline. However, it is our choice, and ours alone.

Whether a person is weak or strong, it doesn't make it their fault if they are hit. If a person is well-educated or not, it doesn't make it their fault if they are hit. If a person is confident or self-conscious, rich or poor, gay or straight, well, you get the picture.

Many women blame themselves for the violence used against them. It's not surprising. As a society, we blame her, too. We just couldn't believe that boy-next-door Chris Brown would possibly hit Rihanna. She must have done something to cause it. And even when her bloodied, broken face was plastered throughout the media, some people still blamed her while others acknowledged that the crime was committed, but pressed us to hurry up and forgive.

Isn't this tragic? We blame survivors so much that they internalize the blame and put it on themselves. Not only that, they go on national television and spread that blame to all women who have been victimized. There is a poison in our culture that allows this to happen, and it is going to take all of us standing up to this type of victim-blaming to find a cure.

Check out this follow-up article: 5 Domestic Violence Myths I Learned Still Exist From Watching ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’

5 Things a Survivor Wants You To Know

2011-12-05T11:20:00.001-05:00

Last week, we spotted this amazing post from The Good Men Project, written by a domestic violence survivor. She challenges 5 myths about domestic violence, using her own story to set the record straight:

I’m not weak.

I , legitimately, walk the planet on a daily basis knowing that there is someone out there that wants to physically harm me. I live knowing that, at any minute, Scott could return. And I’m only able to do this because on a hot July afternoon I picked up my broken body from the concrete floor and limped out of the door, without looking backward. Nobody else did that for me. Nobody was there to protect me from the madness, nor did they hold me by the arm while I walked on a strained ankle and battered knee. I was in so much pain that I wanted to crawl. But I didn’t, knowing that if I took even a second longer than necessary he might kill me. Weakness wasn’t an option. Strength is what allowed me to survive. And it kept me alive every day before and every day after.

It wasn’t easy to come home to a house that didn’t have electricity or running water. It was heartbreaking to have my car repossessed two days after I made the decision to leave. Trying to find a job, without a car, was embarrassing and difficult. But I did it. And I lived in a home for the next several months knowing that, at any moment, he could walk back into my life (and my house) because he knew where I was and he knew that my back window was broken out (because he shattered it with his left fist).

Survivors of domestic abuse are strong.

This excerpt is just one highlight from an article that you really should read in its entirety.

Our Favorite Christmas Song About Rape

2011-12-01T11:06:00.000-05:00

In many places, December 1 (or the day after Thanksgiving in stores and shopping malls) marks the official beginning of the holiday season, and that means incessant Christmas music. This makes our staff cringe every year, because we know we are about to be bombarded with one of our least favorite holiday songs, Baby It's Cold Outside.

This duet has been covered by a long list of musical legends, and it sounds great, but the content of the song is more than a little disturbing. In essence, it is a song about sexual coercion and, possibly, rape.

In the song, the female character is trying to leave her partner's home for the night. She comes up with many good reasons to leave, but her partner is insistent that she stay the night, despite her obvious desire to go. You might be tempted to interpret this as coyness. After all, as women, we are not encouraged in our society to be direct when talking about sex. If we say no, we are frigid prudes. If we say yes, we are whores. But even if you choose to interpret their back and forth as an innocent game, the innocence flees instantly in this lyric:

"Say, what's in this drink?"

It could simply be a delicious beverage that causes her to wonder about the ingredients but, in context, it is more likely either a much stronger drink than she expected or it has an ingredient that she did not agree to having added. Both of those suggestions lead the listener to believe that she is being chemically manipulated into staying against her will. It doesn't exactly put us in the mood for Christmas.

Before you call us oversensitive feminists, check out this article - "8 Romantic Songs You Didn't Know Were About Rape." We're not the only ones who noticed.

Possible Murder-Suicide in Columbus

2011-11-28T15:26:00.002-05:00

Columbus, GA Police are investigating what they suspect to be a DV murder-suicide from Saturday night.

Ruby Grant, 21, and Freddie Dewayne Grant, 27, were found fatally shot about 7 p.m. inside their home at Huckleberry Hill Apartments, 4570 St. Marys Road. According to a police report, officers visited the complex to conduct “a welfare check” of the couple. One neighbor said officers were also looking for a little girl who had been spotted outside the apartments.

When police stepped inside the couple’s apartment, they found the bodies, authorities said.

“When they got there is when they found the victim,” Sgt. Matt Blackstock said. “When they investigated, they found the other victim.”

Reports indicate Freddie Grant shot his wife in the head in their bedroom around 6:45 p.m. He then shot himself in the head in the same room. There is no suicide note.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Grant family.

Today is International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

2011-11-25T13:43:00.002-05:00

We are so pleased that the Obama Administration has made violence against women a priority, both domestically through the efforts of Vice President Joe Biden and abroad through the leadership of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Click here to read Secretary Clinton's remarks on International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

What's The Difference Between Anger and Abuse?

2011-11-22T15:14:00.003-05:00

We face this question a lot in anti-domestic violence work. People like to write off batterers' behavior, even homicides, as explosive anger that should be treated by anger management classes, rather than as systematic, planned behavior that focuses on control. The Marriage Counseling Blog has a pretty good breakdown on the difference between anger and the behaviors typically associated with domestic abuse.

Anger is a natural and normal feeling. However, the behaviors people exhibit when they feel angry may or may not be acceptable. Abuse should not be tolerated.

The underlying reasons for angry behaviors and abusive behaviors are different. When people are angry they may lash out or say things they don’t mean out of difficulty being rational while feeling so upset. Angry feelings can cause people to do or say some things they might not normally do and say. This, however, shouldn’t be used as an excuse.

Abusive behaviors tend to be a lot more purposeful. Abusive behaviors are meant to control the other person. Various strategies ranging from intimidation and guilt may be used as manipulation tactics.

...

When behaviors become abusive, the person doesn’t take responsibility for the behaviors. They may deny that the abuse occurred or minimize the seriousness of it. They may also blame the other person.

In contrast, people who exhibit angry behaviors can take responsibility for their role. They can admit to crossing the line if they became angry and yelled or behaved inappropriately. They also work on making changes so that it won’t happen again.

The final statement is possibly the most important. Those who use violence against their partners are much less likely to take responsibility for their actions than those who simply have difficulty controlling their anger. Thus, traditional anger management classes, and even many batterers intervention programs based on an anger management model, don't work for perpetrators of family violence because they don't feel that they have any changes to make. We need to acknowledge domestic violence for what it is - a series of behaviors that are tactics one partner uses to control the other - before we can begin effectively helping batterers to change.

Possible Dating Violence Homicide in Clayton County

2011-11-18T15:07:00.004-05:00

The AJC reports that a 19-year-old Clayton County man was arrested in the death of a 15-year-old girl. Police identified Marshae Hickman as a suspect from information in the victim's diary, which could imply that the two were involved in a relationship.

Marshae Hickman, 19, was already in jail after a burglary arrest last month when Clayton police charged him with murder and concealing a body in the death of Candice Parchment.

According to a police arrest warrant affidavit, Hickman confessed to choking Candice to death.

Candice disappeared on the night of April 28, 2010. Her body was found seven months later hidden beneath a discarded mattress behind an apartment complex off Old Dixie Highway in Forest Park.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Parchment family.

Alleged Murder -Suicide in Marietta

2011-11-10T16:15:00.002-05:00

A Marietta couple was found dead yesterday in what police suspect was a murder-suicide.

That ongoing dispute ended when Mr. Wilbur Carl South, 28, shot his girlfriend, Ms. Maryellen Cano, 32, and then himself in their home on Springdale Drive, Marietta police spokesman Officer David Baldwin said.

But police said Thursday they weren’t sure when the couple died.

Officers found their bodies after Ms. Cano’s father reported her missing about 6 p.m. at the police department, Officer Baldwin said.

He told police he hadn’t heard from her in two days.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Cano family.

Proposed One-Year Waiting Period for Divorcing Parents

2011-10-27T13:27:00.004-04:00

For the women we serve, a mandatory one-year waiting period for a divorce is a terrible idea.

Once women gather the courage to leave an abusive relationship, they take their first steps on what is often a very long journey before they are actually free of their former partner. That journey is longest for mothers who are leaving a husband. Divorce from an abusive partner is often fraught with complications, and men with a history of using violence are more likely to end up with custody of their children (shared or otherwise) because they are much more likely to fight for it as a way to continue contact with their former victim. Women who were married to the father of their children sometimes never truly get away, because they are forced by the courts to co-parent with their abusive former partner and, therefore, must continue to stay in contact with him. Adding another hoop, another arbitrary length of time during which he can try to convince or scare her into coming back to him, is, at best, counter-productive and, at worst, incredibly harmful.

These statutes often claim to have a domestic violence waiver, but domestic violence is often hard to prove. It usually comes down to her word against his, especially if she was never able or willing (because of fear, immigration status, or some other reason) to contact law enforcement to create a paper trail.

Whatever the reasoning behind proposed guidelines such as these, the reality is that battered women don't need any more obstacles in their path to safety.

Murder is Leading Cause of Death for Pregnant Women

2011-10-26T14:19:00.004-04:00

Murder has been confirmed once again to be the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the US.

Roughly half of those women who died violently had had some sort of conflict with their current or former partners leading up to the death, causing experts to call for more thorough screening and follow up for domestic problems during pregnancy check-ups.

"I think that there's still an under-appreciation of the risk (for murder and suicide) and probably less screening than should be done," said Dr. Linda Chambliss, director of maternal fetal medicine at St. Joseph's Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix, who did not participate in the new work.

The study shows that about three out of every 100,000 women who are pregnant or have a child less than one year old are murdered, and two out of every 100,000 kill themselves.

Those numbers remained fairly constant from 2003 to 2007, the years that the researchers examined.

This is why it is vitally important for all medical professionals, but especially for OBGYNs, midwives, doulas, and others who provide care for pregnant women to screen for domestic violence and to have information available about community resources. Please encourage your doctors, nurses, and those you know if the medical field to contact us at (404) 370-7670 for training, information, or brochures to keep at their practices.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Vigil

2011-10-20T12:00:00.000-04:00

Tonight in Decatur, Georgia, Women's Resource Center to End Domestic Violence will be holding our Candlelight Vigil to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month. If you cannot attend, we hope you will light a candle around dusk and take a moment of silence for the hundreds of women, children, and men across the country who lost their lives in domestic violence homicides. When you hear domestic violence statistics, remember that behind each number is a human being and a family who was forever changed by violence.

Mass Shooting in California DV-Related

2011-10-12T15:16:00.002-04:00

Another mass shooting can be attributed domestic violence, this time in Seal Beach, California.

Seal Beach police said the death toll from the salon shooting has risen to eight people. A ninth victim is in critical condition at Long Beach Memorial Medical Center.

"This could be one of our greatest tragedies," Police Sgt. Steve Bowles said.

The gunman opened fire inside the crowded salon Wednesday, littering the shop with bodies. Police said he acted alone, although investigators said they were still scrambling to piece together what triggered such violence.

Eyewitnesses said that he was targeting his ex-wife and that the two were involved in a custody dispute.

To risk sounding like a broken record, domestic violence is not just a private family matter. It can easily spill out into our communities. Many, if not most, of the mass homicides of this nature in recent years have been motivated by domestic violence or a hatred of women in general. Until violence against women is eradicated, cases like this prove that we are all in danger.

Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

2011-10-11T11:03:00.001-04:00

In a follow-up to a previous post, we find that Topeka, Kansas has made good on their threat to remove their domestic violence law from the books (trigger warning for photos of injuries), making DV legal in the city of Topeka. Domestic battery is still illegal in Shawnee County, the county in which Topeka is located, but the Shawnee District Attorney had previously announced that, due to budget cuts, he would no longer prosecute misdemeanors, including domestic violence, occurring in Topeka.

Topeka has had at least 35 reported incidents of domestic battery or assault since early September. Those cases are not being pursued, and as of last Friday, 18 people jailed have been released without facing charges, according to Topeka police. Prosecutors and police have refused to discuss details of the cases out of concern for victims' privacy, making it difficult to assess in what situations suspects aren't being prosecuted.

The use of a weapon in an assault or battery makes a crime a felony, which would be handled in state court.

Taylor's decision has prompted furious reactions nationwide, and county commissioners say they've received hundreds of emails in the past few days from people upset by Taylor's move and the city's response. Outside the Shawnee County Courthouse on Tuesday, about two dozen people carried signs protesting the moves.

It also doesn't help that the possible repeal comes during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

"It can't continue like this. They have to be prosecuted," said County Commissioner Ted Ensley, a Democrat. "Supposing they're charged and they're not prosecuted and it ends up they go back and cause a death of a woman or a child."

We can only hope that officials resolve this situation quickly, and that this debacle doesn't lead to a homicide.

How Long Will You Last With Your Last $1,000

2011-10-06T11:16:00.000-04:00

The Urban Ministries of Durham has a new online game, and their goal is to challenge the way you think about poverty and homelessness. In the game, you have lost your job, your savings and are down to your last $1,000 dollars. Then you have to try and make it through one month. Try it out and see how long you last. Just keep in mind that most women who come to us after fleeing domestic violence don't have anything near $1,000.

Play Spent

Topeka Considers Decriminalizing Domestic Violence

2011-10-04T10:40:00.003-04:00

Officials in Topeka, Kansas are in the process of deciding what they feel is more important: money or women's lives.

In Shawnee County, the county in which Topeka is located, the District Attorney is facing budget cuts. He therefore decided that he would no longer prosecute misdemeanors, including domestic violence cases, that occurred within the city of Topeka. He instead would expect those cases to be prosecuted by Topeka Municipal Court.

Officials in Topeka say that they do not have the resources to prosecute the DV cases and so, in a political maneuver they hope will force the DA to rethink his position, the city is considering removing their domestic violence laws from the books, thus making domestic violence perfectly legal in Topeka. It would still, however, be illegal in Shawnee County, but they County would be responsible for choosing whether or not to prosecute individual cases.

We hope you are as appalled as we are. Women's very lives are being put in jeopardy over political squabbling. Until a decision has been made, individuals arrested for domestic battery are being released from jail with very little consequence for their actions because no one, the City or the County, is filing charges against them. We hope Topeka will come to their senses before they vote on the issue next week.

Anti-Immigrant Laws Put Women in Danger

2011-09-28T10:25:00.001-04:00

Georgia's HB 87 immigration law is controversial for a great number of reasons, but one of the least discussed is the danger in which it places immigrant victims of domestic violence.

The delegation, led by Domestic Workers Alliance, National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum, and others, described the stories of women who had suffered indirect consequences of anti-immigrant policies, due in large part to the intense culture of fear that deters women from coming forward about abuse they've suffered or seeking help from public institutions. Anxieties about any contact with authorities -- even as the victim of violence -- could turn many women away from seeking law enforcement protection, which further segregates immigrants, whatever their legal status, from the rights they deserve under the law.

Already, under current immigration policies, a woman who fears getting caught without papers may often make a cruelly rational choice to stay with an abusive partner, rather than report domestic violence--in hopes of avoiding deportation or separation from her children. Many women may also forgo basic health care for themselves or their children for fear of coming under the radar of law enforcement.

Some members of Congress are trying to expand such laws, and thus such fear, to the entire nation.

According to immigrant advocates, a new immigration enforcement bill being considered in Congress would undermine existing immigration law by removing prosecutorial discretion and deferred action, two components that protect undocumented victims of domestic violence.

Michelle Ortiz — the supervising attorney of Lucha, a unit within the Florida Immigrant Advocacy Center — says that Rep. Lamar Smith’s Hinder the Administration Legalization Temptation Act (better known as the HALT Act) would force immigration authorities to deport victims of domestic violence who reach out for help.
...

“Under the Violence Against Women Act, which has existed for 15 years, there have been specific protections for victims of domestic violence,” Ortiz says, “particularly for people who self-petition, who are victims of domestic violence at the hands of a U.S. citizen or a lawful permanent resident.”

“When their self-petition is approved, and have already proven they are a victim and married this person in good faith, the Immigration Service gives them deferred action. That is not a legal status, but a protection from deportation, and provides a means to apply for work authorization.”

By ending deferred action, the HALT Act would strip immigration authorities of their authority to protect victims. The HALT Act would also affect the prosecutorial discretion memos issued by Immigration and Customs Enforcement, which, according to Ortiz, are working.

We live in a state where nearly 100 women are killed each year in domestic violence homicides and in a country where a woman is battered every 9 seconds. We cannot afford any policies that deter women from seeking help, regardless of their immigration status. We will continue to update you if there are opportunities for legislative action on this issue.

Aragon, GA Man Charged in Wife's Death

2011-09-26T15:45:00.002-04:00

According to the Fish Wrap, police say an Aragon, GA man is charged in the shooting death of his wife on September 17, 2011.

...the incident leaving Rita Merritt, 27, of 11 East 2nd St., Apt. A, Aragon, dead and her husband, Shay Merritt, 31, in jail without bond on a felony murder charge.

Police said they at first thought this was a suicide attempt but Shay Merritt confessed that night to the killing, according to Greg Ramey, Assistant Special Agent in Charge with the Georgia Bureau of Investigation (GBI).

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Merritt family.

Clayton County - Possible Murder, Attempted Suicide

2011-09-26T10:41:00.001-04:00

From the AJC:

Clayton County police spokesman John Schneller said a woman was dead and a man was taken to the hospital with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.

The shootings occurred at a house in the 2500 block of Daley Court in Morrow.

Neighbor Harry Toney said police told him the shootings were the result of a domestic dispute.

Toney said a woman, man and three children lived at the house and had lived there since around the first of the year.

Further details were not immediately available.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the family.

Georgia Has 6th Highest Rate of Men Killing Women

2011-09-22T15:14:00.000-04:00

In it's annual report on men murdering women, the Violence Policy Center found that Georgia ranks the 6th highest in the nation among women killed by men.

The national homicide rate of women killed by men in single-victim, single-offender instances was 1.25 per 100,000, the study said. There were 1,818 such female victims during 2009.

“Violence against women too often escalates to homicide. Prevention of such violence deserves serious and sustained attention from law enforcement officials and policymakers alike,” Kristen Rand, the center’s legislative director, said in a prepared statement.

The center said its study used the most recent data available from the FBI’s unpublished Supplementary Homicide Report. It is released each year as part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October.

The 10 states with the highest rates of women murdered by men were in descending order Nevada, Alabama, Louisiana, Arizona, Tennessee, Georgia, South Carolina, South Dakota, Hawaii and Missouri, according to the study.

Where weapons use could be determined, firearms were used in slightly more than half the homicides, and more than two-thirds of those firearms were handguns, the study said.

Ninety-three percent of the victims were killed by someone they knew, and 63 percent were wives or intimate acquaintances, the study said.

The full study is available here.

Men's TV is on the Defensive

2011-09-21T15:26:00.005-04:00

Jezebel had a really interesting article yesterday discussing some of the backlash our culture is seeing to women's advancement. Specifically, this season on television, we're seeing a host of new shows trying to put men and women back into their gender essentialist places, where men build civilizations, kill things, and don't act gentlemanly and women are servants and/or sex objects.

In all of the aforementioned shows, men and/or masculinity is threatened by women and/or femininity. You can thank the mancession for that; the media has so hammered into men's brains that they're the real victims while women in the workforce aren't in such bad shape. Now we see television capitalizing on that. Be it consciously or otherwise, these male-targeted shows are creating blatant ties between the rise of women and the fall of the economy.

The problem with gender-essentialism is that it is limiting, and not just to women. Rigid conservative gender roles say that women don't belong in the workplace, but they also say that men don't belong in the home as caregivers to children. They may say that women must dress modestly or else they deserve to be assaulted, but they also say that men can't be trusted to see a woman in a mini-skirt and not rape her. They say that women are overly emotional and thus irrational and that men should bottle up all of their feelings and only deal with problems through violence. None of this sounds very healthy or fulfilling.

There isn't a finite pool of human rights. If I gain/claim more of my rights, that doesn't mean that there are fewer rights for you. Everyone deserves freedom to be who they are, to express their personality, to pursue their chosen career, to have involvement with their families, and to express their emotions constructively. We only forfeit those rights when we do something wrong (such as commit a crime), and even then some rights are inalienable. Everyone has the right to be safe from violence. There aren't male rights and female rights, there are human rights, and by opening all options to all people by dismantling rigid gender roles, we are expanding those rights for everyone.

The Best DV Article Ever (So Far)

2011-09-19T15:09:00.001-04:00

This is a really great article that tells survivors' stories respectfully, doesn't victim-blame, and does a great job of illustrating many of the common issues that survivors of domestic violence face. All around, it is a fantastic article. We don't get to say that very often, so we encourage you to click through and read.

Share Your Ideas with Vice President Biden

2011-09-16T15:23:00.004-04:00

The White House, under the leadership of Vice President Biden, who has been a long-time ally to those of us working to end violence against women, has launched a new website called 1 is 2 many. '1 is 2 many' wants to engage a younger generation in creating innovative solutions to address dating violence and sexual assault in schools and on college campuses around the country.

The campaign also includes 'Apps Against Abuse' – a nationwide competition to develop an innovative software application that provides young adults with tools to help prevent sexual assault and dating violence. Since many incidents of dating violence and sexual assault occur when the offender, often an acquaintance, has targeted and isolated a young woman in vulnerable circumstances, the application the White House has envisioned will offer individuals a way to connect with trusted friends in real-time to prevent abuse from occurring.

This is your chance to be part of a solution. Talk about violence against women, tweet about it (#1is2many), and see what you can come up with. What we know if that violence against women won't stop end until all men choose to stop using violence. In a world full of prevention messages targeted toward women (always watch your drink, don't walk home alone at night, be careful what you wear), how can we target men? How can we make violence less cool and less socially acceptable? How do we teach respect to a new generation?

We can't wait to hear your thoughts.

Gilmer County Man Arrested for Wife's Murder

2011-09-15T13:03:00.001-04:00

A Gilmer County man was arrested for the murder of his wife after trying to blame the killing on a home invasion.

Gilmer County sheriff's Lt. Frank Copeland said Donald Bossa, 76, who had been living at the home with his wife for six years has been taken into custody and charged with murder after his 67-year-old wife, Barbara, was found dead.

Copeland said Bossa confessed to killing his wife.

Bossa had initially called authorities early Wednesday to report that his home at the Coosawattee River Resort, about 75 miles north of Atlanta, had been invaded, the Associated Press reported.

He is being held at the Gilmer County Adult Detention Center. Copeland said the case is under investigation but the motive appears to be a domestic violence situation that got out of control.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Bossa family.

LaGrange Man Killed While Trying To Hide Ex's Body

2011-09-14T12:38:00.001-04:00

The AJC reports that a fire in Fairburn last month was started by a man trying to burn his ex-girlfriend’s body.

Bridges’ ex-girlfriend, Beverly Bland, 34, was strangled before the fire, police said.

Two children who lived with Bland at the Garvey Drive house weren’t home at the time of the fire, police said.

Few said Bridges, 35, doused a sleeping bag with gasoline and laid Bland’s body on the bag to set it on fire. But his plan literally blew up in his face.

“When he threw that match, the vapors of gasoline are what ignited,” Few said. “There was an immediate fireball that blew the windows out.”

....

According to records obtained by Channel 2 Action News from the Fulton County emergency call system, Bland and Bridges worked together at the PetSmart distribution center in Newnan and had broken off a relationship in May.

A supervisor told emergency operators that following a dispute at work the day before the incident, Bridges would not let Bland out of his car.

The supervisor, Larry Miller, could not be reached by phone Tuesday, but he accused Bridges of “stalking” Bland, saying Bridges even entered her home through an open window the week before the fire.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Bland family.

Police Suspect Clayton Co Woman's Boyfriend in Her Murder

2011-09-13T13:07:00.001-04:00

From the AJC:

The Clayton County mother found stabbed to death in her bedroom, while two kids were tied up in her home, may have been killed days before she was found, police said Tuesday.

The woman's boyfriend, 33-year-old William Nazario, has been charged with murder, according to his arrest warrant. Nazario was taken into custody Monday evening in Bartow County, where he was found at a hotel with one of his girlfriend's children. He is expected to be returned to Clayton County, but police have declined to say when Nazario will be moved.

Arrest warrants state that Nazario allegedly fought verbally and physically with Korean Bowden on Friday. Nazario allegedly has admitted to police that he stabbed Bowden and tied up two of her children to prevent them from seeing what he had done, the warrant states.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Bowden family.

DV Homicide-Suicide in Kirkwood (Atl)

2011-09-08T12:18:00.003-04:00

A murder-suicide in Kirkwood, a neighborhood in east Atlanta, leaves three dead.

Atlanta police say the killings of two men and a woman apparently stemmed from a dispute between the woman and her former boyfriend.
Police say the woman, 50-year-old Angela Pearson, was found dead in her home on Thursday along with her son, 24-year-old Darryl Pearson, and the ex-boyfriend, Charlie Woods.
Investigators say all three apparently died of gunshot wounds.

The AJC reports:

Nicole Pearson said her mother had broken up with Woods in June, and he had never been violent or abusive.

In the last few months, though, strange things started happening: A dog disappeared from the house; a family computer printer was sabotaged, and on Wednesday, someone put sugar in the gas tank of Pearson's car, the daughter said.

A family friend, Schquetta Hammond, said Woods was suspected because he had a key to the house. Hammond said she urged Angela Pearson to go to the police, but "she told me, ‘He's harmless,' and she was not going to call the police."

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Pearson family.

Henry County Man Suspect in Girlfriend's Death

2011-09-06T12:12:00.003-04:00

From Fox 5 News:

Police in Henry County are seeking a man they believe shot and killed his live-in girlfriend.

Police say 38-year-old Richelle Gates was having an argument with her live-in boyfriend, Fernando Alberto Scott, Tuesday morning when words erupted into gunfire.

Police say Gates’ 18-year-old son was inside the Hampton home on Goldleaf Drive when his mother was shot and killed.

....

Henry County police are looking for 54-year-old Fernando Alberto Scott.

Police believe Scott fled in a gray 2009 Ford Focus with Georgia tag number PD94JQ.

According to police, Scott is to be considered armed and dangerous.

Anyone with information is urged to contact Henry County police at 770-288-8250 or 770-957-9121. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Gates family.

Is the US Failing Rape Victims?

2011-08-23T15:53:00.005-04:00

Alternet asks this question today in what is, frankly, an emotionally exhausting article. That exhaustion, mixed with anger and horror, comes from their coverage of so many recent instances of sexual violence after which victims are being told again and again that their rights don't matter and that their voices won't be heard.

Let's start with two examples from the winter and spring which are in fact on the opposite ends of what the media sees as a "rape spectrum."

First, you have Julian Assange, a powerful man accused of "acquaintance rape," based on two women's accounts. One involved a forcible sexual encounter that began as a consensual one, and another involved penetrating a woman while she was asleep. Both women were sophisticated professionals who knew Assange, and both were alone with him when the alleged assaults took place.

Both women were blamed, smeared and their identities revealed online, accused of being part of a supposed worldwide conspiracy to bring Assange down (just as the press has insinuated that DSK's accuser, Nafissatou Diallo, was an unlikely pawn of a conspiracy to silence Strauss-Kahn).

Second, we have the Texas gang-rape case, in which a large group of boys and men were caught on video brutally and repeatedly gang-raping a young girl. In this case, there was physical corroborating evidence, the victim was too young to legally consent, and the accused were relatively powerless men in a poor community.

The cases couldn't have been more different, and yet in this case also, the young woman was smeared when prominent newspaper stories fixated on her appearance, her dress, and her behavior rather than the demeanor and histories of the men involved.

So the lesson is clear: if you report an unexciting rape that happened in your home while you were alone with the perpetrator, you get blamed. If you are recorded on video being repeatedly raped by a massive number of people, you also get blamed. If you're a grown woman: blamed. If you're a child: blamed. If it's your word: blamed. If there's physical evidence: blamed.

It's clear, then, that the answer is yes, we are failing victims. And we will be until we create a system in which they feel safe to report, because they aren't afraid of being blamed. We will be failing victims until our society understands that lack of consent means rape, period. We will be failing victims until we acknowledge that tricking women into having sex, getting them drunk to lower their inhibitions, or making them feel that saying no isn't an option are all means of raping. And, we will be failing victims until our idea of rape prevention is to teach men not to rape rather than teaching victims to avoid getting victimized. We have a lot of work to do.

Cosmo's 10 Tips for Preventing Sexual Assault

2011-08-19T15:15:00.004-04:00

Cosmo, the women's magazine, has a handy list of 10 tips to help women not get raped. The problem with these lists is the assumption that a woman can do anything at all to prevent herself from being raped, the flip side of which is that a woman who doesn't do these things is at least a little bit at fault when she is raped. Wrong!

Melissa at Shakesville has a much better list of tips for sexual assault prevention, in handy visual form:

See the difference? The focus here is on a group of people who actually can prevent rape: rapists. Since raping someone is a choice, only rapists can make the choice to not rape. If a rapists rapes, only he is to blame.

Spalding County Man Charged with Murdering Wife

2011-08-17T15:27:00.002-04:00

According to the Griffin Daily News:

Jeff Alan McCullough will remain in jail without bond on battery and murder charges in the death of his wife.

His preliminary and bond hearings were continued Tuesday by Spalding County Magistrate Judge Rita Cavanaugh pending the results of an autopsy on the victim.

McCullough, 53, is charged with battery and aggravated battery under the Family Violence Act, along with felony murder and malice murder, in the July 29 death of his wife, Debra McCullough. He was initially charged with battery and arrested when deputies responded to the couple’s Covington Road home in reference to a domestic dispute on July 20.

Charges were later upgraded to aggravated battery after Debra McCullough was found unconscious 24 hours later and eventually transported to Atlanta Medical Center. The murder charges were added after her death from the injuries that were sustained on July 20.

McCullough had been granted $33,000 bond and was released July 25 on the battery charges, but was re-arrested on the murder charges on Aug. 1 and has been held without bond since.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the McCullough family.

Henry County Man 'Person of Interest' in Wife's Death

2011-08-15T15:31:00.001-04:00

From Fox 5 News:

HENRY COUNTY, Ga. - Henry County police are searching for a man in connection with a suspicious death in Hampton.
Police say 38-year-old Preston Marzette Young is the estranged husband of the victim, who was found dead inside a home on Masters Club Boulevard last week.

Officers were alerted to the scene when they received an OnStar signal from a vehicle parked outside the home. A 3-year-old child was found alive and alone inside that car.

Officers say Young may be driving a 2004 Dodge Ram like this one with the Georgia tag BKG 1602. Anyone with information on his whereabouts is asked to call Henry County police.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim's family.

Norwegian Terrorist Was Anti-Woman

2011-08-03T15:53:00.005-04:00

In addition to being racist, anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant, it appears that the Norwegian terrorist responsible for the massacres in Oslo and Utoya was also virulently anti-woman.

Hugo Schwyzer at the Good Men Project writes:

His manifesto, which largely consists of uncited work from a host of other right-wing thinkers, is now available online. 2083: A European Declaration of Independence gives us a picture of a man who is deeply troubled by multi-culturalism, by Islam, by modernity, by feminism, and by what has happened to traditional masculinity.

Breivik’s manifesto features an extended section called “Radical Feminism and Political Correctness,” cribbed uncredited from an American writer named Gerald Atkinson. The section complains “that the ‘man of today’ is expected to be a touchy-feely subspecies who bows to the radical feminist agenda.” Feminism’s aim, the manifesto continues, is to “emasculate” men, and render them “unwilling to defend traditional beliefs and values.” This rage at women in general, and at progressive feminists in particular, runs through much of the long and unwieldy 1187-page text. It’s a rhetoric familiar to anyone who reads the writing of Men’s Rights Activists.

So are anti-feminists and Men’s Rights Activists directly to blame for the actions of Anders Breivik? Of course not. Most MRAs – perhaps almost all – reject violence and mass murder as a political tactic. To suggest otherwise would be an indefensible and tasteless attempt to capitalize on a tragedy. But to pretend that there was no coherent political component to the tragedy would be almost equally indefensible.

Michelle Goldberg at The Daily Beast continues:

[Breivik] picked up the argument that selfish western women have allowed Muslims to outbreed them, and that only a restoration of patriarchy can save European culture. One of the books he references approvingly is Patrick Buchanan’s The Death of the West, which argues, “[T]he rise of feminism spells the death of the nation and the end of the West.”

.....

Nevertheless, the right clings to the idea that feminism is destroying Western societies from the inside, creating space for Islamism to take cover. This politics of emasculation gave shape to Breivik’s rage. Thus, while he pretends to abhor Muslim subjugation of women, he writes that the “fate of European civilisation depends on European men steadfastly resisting Politically Correct feminism.” When cultural conservatives seize control of Europe, he promises, “we will re-establish the patriarchal structures.” Eventually, women “conditioned” to this new order “will know her place in society.”

When tragedies like this happen, we like to pretend that they exist in a void. If we try too hard to understand their causes, we have to admit that they may happen again. It is easier to dismiss one person as crazy than to confront the fact that there are thousands of people in the world who feel this way about minority groups, immigrants, and women, and that Brevik is simply one who decided to take his views to the extreme. On this blog, we won't let you take the easy way out.

David Futrelle, a guest blogger at Shakesville who regularly visits men's rights and men's separatist blogs in order to discuss them at his own blog, writes about an attempted experiment. Someone posted some of the most anti-woman excerpts from Breivik's manifesto on a men's rights message board without identifying their author, to see how they were received. It should be no surprise that the posts were very popular until their author was identified.

But Reddit's Men's Rights subreddit is actually one of the most moderate and least misogynistic Men's Rights hangout online. Others in the manosphere have stepped up to defend Breivik's manifesto (if not his actions) plainly and explicitly, in full knowledge of just whose ideas they are endorsing.

On In Mala Fide, blogger Ferdinand Bardamu praises Breivik's "lucidity," and blames his murderous actions on the evils of a too-liberal society:
[A]nother madman with a sensible manifesto. Another completely rational, intelligent man driven to murderous insanity. And once again, society has zero introspection in regards to its profound ability to turn thoughtful men into lunatic butchers.
He's not being sarcastic here. He continues:
That makes HOW many rage killers in the past five years alone? And not just transparent headcases like Jared Loughner or George Sodini, but ordinary men like Pekka-Eric Auvinen or Joe Stack who simply weren't going to take it anymore. No one bothers to ask WHY all these men suddenly decide to pick up a gun and start shooting people – they're all written off as crazies. Or the rage killings are blamed on overly permissive gun laws …

Here's an idea – sick societies produce sick individuals who do sick things. Anders Breivin [sic] murdered nearly a hundred teens (not children, TEENS – they were at a summer camp for young adults) and must pay the price, but the blood of those teens is ultimately on the hands of the society that spat him forth. He is the bastard son of a masochistic, degenerate, rootless world that pisses on its traditions and heritage to elevate perversity, mindless consumerism and ethnic self-hatred to the highest of virtues.
That final reference to "ethnic self-hatred" seems to be Bardamu's euphemistic way of complaining that not enough white people are white supremacists.

Meanwhile, Chuck of Gucci Little Piggy offers what appears to be a somewhat more restrained, if ultimately more puzzling, defense of Breivik's manifesto – or at least that portion of the manifesto that Breivik borrowed from the writings of far-right blogger Fjordman.

After first complaining, incorrectly, that feminists are "try[ing] to blame Breivik on MRAs" (he cites me and Hugo Schwyzer as examples), Chuck goes on to endorse Breivik's (and Fjordman's) notion that feminism "grease[s]the wheels to allow Islam into his country," as Chuck summarizes the argument. The rest of Chuck's post elaborates on, and endorses, Breivik's/Fjordman's theories, arguing that feminism's "emasculation of Western men has taken the organic policing mechanism out of the hands of men in society" and thus rendered Western society helpless before the Islamic cultural invaders. (More on Bardamu and Gucci Little Piggy's arguments here.)

...

No, Breivik is not an MRA. No, he didn't take his marching orders from The Spearhead or In Mala Fide. But he is steeped in the same kind of hatred that is prevalent on those sites, and many of his repugnant beliefs about feminism and women in general are virtually identical to beliefs widespread in the misogynistic manosphere – a fact that a few in the manosphere are already willing to acknowledge out loud, as we saw above.

Further suggested reading: A Tale of Two Terrorists Redux

Winder Man Charged in Wife's Death

2011-08-01T14:13:00.003-04:00

The Gwinnett Daily Post reports that a Winder man has been charged with his wife's death after her body was found at the bottom of a well near their home.

Barrow County authorities on Saturday charged a Winder man with murder after discovering his wife’s body at the bottom of a well near the Gwinnett County line.

Authorities believe James Morris Lynn, 43, killed his wife, Tonya Faye Lynn, 38, whom family members had reported missing Wednesday.

Police recovered the body from a well off Etheridge Road in Auburn, and Georgia Crime Lab officials confirmed the body was Tonya Lynn, a mother of four. Records show the couple had a tumultuous relationship, and charges indicate the killing was domestic.

An autopsy by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation is under way to pinpoint a cause of death. Police won’t divulge what led them to the well.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Lynn family.

Update 8/2/11: Lynn has confessed to killing his wife. Police are now investigating the death of Lynn's first wife, which was originally ruled a suicide.

Chatham County Man Charged in Wife's Stabbing Death

2011-07-25T13:56:00.004-04:00

As reported by savannahnow.com, a Chatham County man has been accused in his wife's murder.

...Police say [Kenneth Sanders] stabbed her to death in front of her three daughters, ages 4, 7 and 9.

Kenneth Sanders has been charged with murder, aggravated assault, possession of a knife in committing a crime and cruelty to children. He’s being held in the mental health wing of the Chatham County jail.

The girls are staying with their grandparents, Nancy Sanders’ mother and father, in Savannah.

LaVonya Oliver, the couple’s 20-year-old neighbor, called police after Nancy’s 7-year-old daughter rang her doorbell covered in blood.

“She said, ‘Can you help me because my daddy is stabbing my mommy,” Oliver said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Sanders family.

Lawrenceville Man a Suspect in Wife's Death

2011-07-21T14:20:00.002-04:00

A missing Gwinnett County woman's body has been found and her husband is a suspect in her death, though no charges have been filed. The victim's sister suggests to The Gwinnett Daily Post that domestic violence had been present in their relationship.

When 44-year-old Nique (short for Dominique, and pronounced “Nikki”) [Leili] turned up beneath leaves and sticks, a few feet from residential Oak Village Lane, Elk’s sisterhood trio was fractured. Continuing silence on the part of Matt, who has retained an attorney and stopped cooperating with police, has piqued suspicions among Elk and other family, she said.
Police this week called Matt, 43, a suspect, but have filed no charges. Nique’s death is being probed as a homicide, though a cause of death was not apparent at the scene or after an autopsy. Further tests are pending.

“I’m letting police do their job,” said Elk, the family’s de facto spokeswoman. “I certainly have my opinions. We certainly want (Matt) investigated very strenuously.”

So far, the husband has remained silent. The criminal defense attorney, Lyle Porter, Matt retained before his wife’s body was discovered could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

.....

Elk said Matt equipped her sister’s car with LoJack tracking gear, downloaded a tracking application to her cellphone and equipped the home with multiple security cameras as a means to keep tabs on his wife, she said.

“He just monitored everything, and everybody,” Elk said. “He behaved like he was paranoid.”

Elk said she never witnessed the couple being violent toward each other, but she had become privy to a domestic 911 call on June 28 when Nique told dispatchers her husband was barring her from leaving the home.

Responding officers spoke to both sides individually and advised them of family violence laws. Neither wanted to leave, Smith said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Leili family.

How Men Who Buy Sex View Women

2011-07-20T15:43:00.002-04:00

Newsweek has an absolute must-read article on men who buy sex. It paints a haunting picture that illustrates the clear link between a view of women as objects and men's use of violence, which reinforces everything we have ever posted.

An excerpt:

Overall, the attitudes and habits of sex buyers reveal them as men who dehumanize and commodify women, view them with anger and contempt, lack empathy for their suffering, and relish their own ability to inflict pain and degradation.

Farley found that sex buyers were more likely to view sex as divorced from personal relationships than nonbuyers, and they enjoyed the absence of emotional involvement with prostitutes, whom they saw as commodities. “Prostitution treats women as objects and not ... humans,” said one john interviewed for the study.

In their interviews, the sex buyers often voiced aggression toward women, and were nearly eight times as likely as nonbuyers to say they would rape a woman if they could get away with it. Asked why he bought sex, one man said he liked “to beat women up.” Sex buyers in the study committed more crimes of every kind than nonbuyers, and all the crimes associated with violence against women were committed by the johns.

Prostitution has always been risky for women; the average age of death is 34, and the American Journal of Epidemiology reported that prostitutes suffer a “workplace homicide rate” 51 times higher than that of the next most dangerous occupation, working in a liquor store.

Please, please read the whole thing.

Nicki Minaj and Fighting Back

2011-07-18T14:31:00.009-04:00

Last week, singer Nicki Minaj was involved in an incident of domestic violence during which, according to the police report, her companion hit her with a suitcase. Minaj chose not to press charges and then denied the account to the media. Taking to Twitter, she said (paraphrasing due to the adult language in the original tweet) people are stupid to believe that a man would hit her and not leave on a stretcher.

We hear a lot of women say that. Some think that domestic violence victims are weak. Others just think that their own self-esteem (or temper) is too high to "put up with" violence used against them. Zerlina Maxwell at TheLoop21 addresses this somewhat (clicking this link takes you to Minaj's original tweet, which contains adult language):

Being the victim of violence doesn’t make you weak. It makes the perpetrator of that violence look weak. Furthermore, Minaj’s insistence that she would have retaliated against the man if she had really been hit is wholly unacceptable.

We need to have a mature conversation around gender violence. It’s not appropriate for anyone to be hit or leave in a stretcher. The automatic response from Minaj should not be one that coincides with her stage image, she is a human being after all. Even if she didn’t want to admit to being hit, a more empowering response could have been “I was not the victim of domestic abuse but if you find yourself in that situation call the police or tell a friend. Get Help!”

Of course, these kinds of comments are dangerous for more reasons than just that violence should not be met with more violence. I talked to a woman literally as I was typing this post who was struggling to admit that her partner was abusive, that it was really all that bad, despite the fact that he has choked her in front of their child and is threatening to kill her. She said that it's hard to believe that it is real because she isn't the "meek" kind of woman that she thought "usually ended up in these situations". We are stereotyping domestic violence victims so much that they now cannot recognize themselves enough to seek help!

There's another reason why this reaction isn't helpful. WRC offers two free classes every month that the local judicial districts call "anger management". Women are mandated by the courts to attend these classes because they have been arrested for family violence. Some of the women in the class genuinely have anger management issues, but most are victims of domestic violence who were arrested for fighting back. Our classes are 1/3 DV support group, 1/3 anger management, and 1/3 instructions for how to avoid future arrests and how to get this one expunged from your record.

In the class, we often show a video about the Framingham 8, a group of 8 women in Framingham, Massachusetts who were imprisoned for killing a spouse or partner after years of domestic violence. Several of those women have since won their freedom by using Battered Women's Syndrome as a defense. We had a woman in class recently, who you will recall was there because she had been arrested for fighting back, who was assaulted again by her partner a few days after the class. She called to tell us that she thinks that video might have saved her life. Instead of fighting back and possibly escalating the violence, getting arrested again, or killing her partner, she just took the abuse. For her, that was her best-case scenario.

It's not a pretty picture, but here we are. How disheartening is it that we are asked to teach classes for victims that instruct them not to fight back or they might go to jail? The unfortunate truth is that many victims of domestic violence do go to jail for fighting back, or for killing their partners, and the effects of that often last longer than the effects of the physical violence. Once you are arrested, it is harder to find a job. While you are in jail, your children might be taken from you (and sometimes even given to your batterer). You are labeled the "aggressor" by the legal system, a label which follows you throughout your interactions with the courts as you later try to press charges or file a protective order. That label also prevents you from receiving services from the court victim advocates and even some domestic violence programs (though certainly not ours). To help women have the best chance of rebuilding their lives after domestic violence, while they are in it, we are encouraged to tell them just to take it.

How can we get to the hard work of ending domestic violence when we have to tell 80ish women per month just to take it?

We are thankful to be able to offer these classes, for free, because instead victims who are arrested would have to pay a more traditional anger management program to treat them like a criminal. We are lucky to have this means of introducing our agency to women who might otherwise never attend a DV support group or hear about our services. We are also disgusted that so many women who don't belong there end up in these classes at all, and we work hard for the day when our community no longer punishes women for the crimes committed against them.

Sandy Springs Murder-Suicide

2011-07-14T16:27:00.003-04:00

According to the AJC, a Sandy Springs man is suspected of killing his wife and then killing himself.

Irene Mickens arrived at the Sandy Springs apartment Tuesday night to tend to her daughter, who, according to her soon-to-be ex-husband, was seriously ill.

The five-year-old was not sick, it turns out. Jamal Mickens had taken the girl, along with the couple's 7-year-old son, to his sister's home in McDonough earlier that day before returning home to meet his wife.

Sometime between 6 p.m. Tuesday and 9 a.m. Wednesday, the recent Emory University graduate shot his estranged spouse in the head before turning the gun on himself, Sandy Springs police spokesman Steve Rose said.

"He lured her there," said Donna Penn, a friend of Mickens' who was on the phone with her minutes before she arrived at the Hammond Drive apartment were the couple lived, though not together.

Their bodies were found by police called to scene by Irene Mickens' father, concerned for his daughter's safety. Officers found a 9 mm semi-automatic handgun next to 40-year-old Jamal Mickens' dead body.

There are a couple of interesting things about this story. First, the AJC is determined to sprinkle class markers throughout their article on this homicide-suicide, which took place in a wealthier section of North Fulton County. Jamal Mickens has a Master's Degree from Emory University. There is a photo of the police towing a BMW from the scene. Though we don't know why the AJC felt it necessary to include this information, it does remind us that domestic violence is not an issue limited by class, and that educated people in nice neighborhoods are also vulnerable to violence in the home.

In addition, because WRC offers supervised visitation and exchange services at Nia's Place, we pay particular attention to instances where men take the lives of their former partners during visitation or custody exchanges. Just because a woman has decided to end the relationship with her batterer, that does not mean that she will be safe. In fact, women who have children with their batterer, especially if they were married or if their partner legitimized the children in court, are forever tied to him. Judges are very gung-ho about giving rights to any fathers who want them, whether it is good for the children or not. In fact, men who batter are more likely to have visitation or joint custody, because they are more likely to ask for it since it guarantees their continued access to the child(ren)'s mother.

If you are a woman who is afraid of experiencing violence when meeting your child(ren)'s father to exchange the children, call one of our legal advocates at (404) 370-7670 to get more information on how to request supervised visitation or exchange and what resources are available in your area.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Mickens family.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn Follow-up

2011-07-12T09:51:00.006-04:00

Since our last post, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the famous and influential French economist who was accused of sexual assault and attempted rape by a New York hotel maid, was released from house arrest after prosecutors decided that the woman's past would make prosecution of Strauss-Kahn difficult.

According to a letter filed by prosecutors in court on Friday, the housekeeper from Guinea lied about her actions right after the alleged attack, as well as on her tax returns and in an application for asylum.

So women who lie on their tax returns can't be raped?

Certainly an accuser's credibility will be in question in a crime with no witnesses, but rape cases in particular often take on the feel of a well-organized character assassination against victims. The New York Post ran a front-page story alleging the victim in this case was a "hooker". Others have called her a liar, criminal, or gold-digger. Still others have said she shouldn't be believed because she is just a hotel maid.

A poster at the Crunk Feminist Collective lays it out well:

So what’s the takeaway from this? What are we to understand about violence against women in the US?

It seems that in cases of violence against women, the burden of proof falls squarely on the shoulders of the woman who brings the case to court. And then we wonder why only 16% of rapes are reported. As noted in that same report, when survivors of sexual assault DO disclose what happened to them, they often face skepticism, blame, and further humiliation from professionals, families, and friends, amounting to what many survivors consider a “second victimization.”

Here’s why I think this:

First, as the DSK case demonstrates, in order for these cases to be taken seriously, the accusers must not have any credibility issues.

Next, people who are poor, immigrant, women, differently-abled, LGBTQ, etc. will never be able to conform to the standards of credibility – because their very identities mark them as “outsiders” or “deviants” – from the jump.

So, then, if decide to brave the inevitable challenges and try avail themselves of our criminal “justice” their “character” is attacked, cases are dismissed, an/or forgotten.

Listen up, fellow crunk feminists, it’s a legal-socio-political set-up!

Dramatics aside, this belies not just a problem in this case, but also in the way that we think about violence against women. Fundamentally, it is problem in the way that we deploy a system of justice that is, at it’s core, sexist. For this reason, it is clearly not set up to deal with the problem of violence against women. In fact, seems to consistently diminish the ability of women to find justice in cases of sexual assault.

Those accused of a crime are innocent until proven guilty. Can't we extend the same courtesy toward victims? Instead of smearing them in the media and attacking their characters, can't we assume that it is possible for any woman to be raped. Trust us, there isn't much to gain from falsely accusing someone, especially someone famous and well-connected, of rape. This case illustrates that pretty well. Instead, can we assume that a possible victim has a good reason to make the report, and allow the courts to do their job in trying the case? Is it so impossible to believe that women who lie on their taxes, women who have friends in jail, women who have prostituted themselves, women who drink a lot or have lots of sex, or women who otherwise don't look like "perfect" victims can still be raped? In fact, those women are probably more vulnerable to sexual assault because they are less likely to be believed by law enforcement and judges. If only 6% of rapists ever see a day in jail, leaving 94% available to rape again, we would be better served taking women's claims seriously and making it a less traumatizing process to prosecute those who use violence against women. We may never know if DSK is actually guilty of this crime, because it may never make it to trial. For women everywhere who have experienced sexual assault, how is that justice?

DV SWAT Stand-off in Gwinett

2011-07-11T16:38:00.003-04:00

A Gwinett County man committed suicide after a 6-hour SWAT stand-off in Gwinett County.

The incident began with an argument between the man and his wife around midnight, Gwinnett police Cpl. Edwin Ritter said. He said the man threatened to harm himself.
“He told her that he was going to commit suicide. She threatened to leave. He said, ‘No, you’re not going to leave.’ He went and got a long gun,” Ritter told Channel 2’s Amanda Cook.
Ritter said the wife managed to escape with the couple’s teenage daughter and call 911.
When police arrived, they said, the man refused to come out, and they had to take precautions because he’s armed.
“We don't know the power of this gun," Ritter said.
The SWAT team was brought in and neighbors on either side of the house were evacuated. They were speaking to the man over the phone, but he refused to surrender. SWAT officers threw tear gas in the home and sent in a robot. Ritter said authorities would stay at the home as long as necessary.
“We want to make sure that this is going to be a peaceful resolution,” he said.
But, police said, SWAT stormed in after the robot showed the man lying very still. Around 6:30 a.m., they said he died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Our thoughts and prayers are with Ritter's wife and daughter. We are very thankful that they were able to get out alive.

Murder-Suicide in Canton

2011-07-08T14:40:00.002-04:00

The AJC is reporting and a Canton man murdered his girlfriend and son before turning the gun on himself.

Police responded to an apartment in the 3100 block of Ridge Road early Friday and found the bodies of Christopher E. Conley, 30; his 25-year-old girlfriend Minnie Carr; and their 4-year-old son, Casey Noah Conley, Det. Candy Worthy said.

The preliminary investigation indicates that all three suffered gunshot wounds, and the bodies are being sent to the GBI Crime Lab in Atlanta for autopsies, Worthy said. A carbine rifle, which appears to be the weapon used in the deaths, was in the room next to the bodies and will be tested, she said.

"It appears from the initial walk through that it was the male who shot them," Canton police Lt. German Rivas said.

...

He also said police had been called to the couple’s apartment once in the past. Last year, Conley, intoxicated, locked himself in the bathroom and threatened to commit suicide.

“He threatened to cut his throat, but when police arrived, he had passed out,” Rivas said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Carr and Conley families.

Columbus Man Kills Ex-Girlfriend and Another Man

2011-07-07T11:10:00.001-04:00

A Columbus man faces murder charges after opening fire inside an Internet cafe Wednesday, killing his ex-girlfriend and another man, police said.

Police say Eric Vann Huguley, 26, stepped inside Joycom Internet Sweepstakes, 4105 Buena Vista Road, around 7:10 p.m. and began firing. Two people — 31-year-old Rebecca Shanna Wyatt and 25-year-old Fredrick Lamar Brown — were struck multiple times.

Emergency responders found Wyatt, a cafe employee, on the floor of the business’ office and Brown on the lobby floor. Both were taken to The Medical Center, where Coroner Bill Thrower pronounced Wyatt dead, reports state.

“The second victim died during the night, so he’ll be charged with two murders,” Lt. John McMichael said of Huguley.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Wyatt and Brown families.

Update 7/8: Huguley has confessed to the shooting, saying that he came to her job to find her after Wyatt stopped taking his phone calls. He was angry because she had begun a new relationship with Brown, the second victim.

Murder-Suicide in Appling County

2011-07-06T16:48:00.002-04:00

According to the Baxley News Banner:

At approximately 12:10 p.m. on June 30 Appling Dispatch received a call from an employer asking that the Appling Sheriff’s Office check a residence at 2148 Oliff Thornton Road in Southeast Appling County to check on an employee that had not showed up for work, which was unusual for her. When the deputy arrived at the scene, the back door of the residence was open and when he went inside he saw two bodies that were apparently DOA.

The Georgia Bureau of Investigation was called to assist in the investigation. The Appling County Coroner pronounced both subjects dead at the scene.

One has been identified as Calvin Willis Wright, age 60. The other has been identified as Maxine Wright, age 56. The Wrights were husband and wife. Preliminary investigation indicates that Mr. Wright shot Mrs. Wright and then shot himself.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Wright family.

DV Homicide in LaGrange

2011-07-05T12:19:00.000-04:00

A LaGrange man is charged with shooting to death his child's mother, from whom he had recently separated.

Lagrange Police responded to the intersection of Ragland street and Colquitt Street in reference to a car accident on Sunday morning around 10. Upon arrival, police say the female driver was found dead in the driver's seat, but police say it wasn't the accident that killed her.

Police say 37-year-old Tonya Bray was shot in the head before her car crashed.

She was transported to the West Georgia Medical Center where she was pronounced dead shortly after.

During the initial hour of investigation, police say Bray's long-time boyfriend 37-year-old Jeffery Jones turned himself in, in connection with the shooting. Police say he told them he chased Bray's car southbound on Ragland street and fired several shots into her car before her car veered off the roadway.

Police say the couple had just recently separated. They believe the shooting was the result of a domestic dispute.

Police say Jones is charged with murder and is being held in the Troup County jail.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Bray family.

DV and Custody Evaluations

2011-07-01T14:06:00.003-04:00

The Huffington Post has an article that looks at the differing beliefs about domestic violence held by custody evaluators based on whether the individual evaluator has ever had DV training. Really, this could describe anyone:

The custody evaluators whose views tended towards viewing aggression as situational violence reported less training in domestic violence. This group generally viewed domestic violence as stress induced, normative and mutual. As a result, these evaluators minimized spouse abuse as relevant to child custody decisions. They also thought that false allegations of violence were common. In terms of custody and parenting plans, they prioritized coparenting and father-child relationships.

On the other hand, custody evaluators who characterized domestic violence as intimate terrorism took a different view of custody. They were more likely to report extensive training in domestic violence. These evaluators viewed spouse abuse as a significant factor in determining child custody. They thought that false allegations of abuse were rare. This group of evaluators distinguished between types of violence and expressed strong views that custody and parenting plans should be different for each of these types of violence. In the case of intimate terrorism, they prioritized victim safety over ongoing contact with fathers.

The summary really is this: people who know a lot about domestic violence take it more seriously. People who don't really know much about it think DV isn't much of a problem.

This is especially scary when it comes to the courts. These evaluators make decisions about custody that can put both child and adult victims at risk. Many abusers use custody exchanges (the meeting of the two parents to physically pass the children back and forth) as a guaranteed opportunity to continue harassing or abusing their former partner. Abuser parents can also bring the children back late, insist on rearrangements to the schedule, refuse to bring the children back at all, etc. as a way to continue exerting control over their former partner's life. If the parent with a history of using violence has unsupervised access to the children, they also have additional opportunities to harm their former partner by threatening to harm or actually harming the children. In addition, men who batter pass on their beliefs about women to their children and model abusive and disrespectful behavior for their children that the kids often pick up.

If custody evaluators and others with the power to make custody decisions for a family do not take domestic violence seriously, they won't understand any of these things. If they do not consider the effects and dynamics of domestic violence when making custody decisions, they are opening that family to a continuation of the behavior instead of communicating to the batterer that his controlling tactics should end. Custody evaluators have a unique opportunity to make families safer by ordering supervised exchanges, supervised visits, or no custody or visitation, but most don't do so. Keep that in mind when you hear men's groups lamenting how judges are keeping good fathers away from their children. It actually takes quite a lot for an evaluator or judge to get to that point. More often, women and children who have experienced domestic violence cannot truly end their relationship with a batterer until the children are grown.

DV Shooting Leaves 1 Dead, 2 in Critical Condition

2011-06-30T10:28:00.002-04:00

From the AJC:

Officers responding to a 2:20 a.m. call about a domestic dispute at the Colony at Stone Mountain, a ramshackle apartment complex on Chatfield Drive off North Hairston Road, "discovered that multiple victims had been shot," DeKalb police spokesman Lloyd Ruffin said.

One victim, a man believed to be in his 20s, was killed, Ruffin said. Another man and a woman were taken to local hospitals in critical condition, he said.

Ruffin said officers located the suspect, who was holding two children and an adult female hostage near the incident scene. The suspect, whose name was not released, was taken into custody, he said.

The suspect, who was armed with a handgun, was charged with murder, aggravated assault and kidnapping.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of all of those harmed. We will post more details if they become available.

Hawkinsville, GA Man Accused of Killing Ex

2011-06-27T09:44:00.001-04:00

According to the GBI, 33-year-old Birago Blackshear is charged with the murder of his former girlfriend Ashton Bartlett, age 18.

According to the family, Ashton came to McDuffie Street in the early hours of Saturday morning with a male friend. They say she came there to talk to Blackshear. They say when Blackshear saw her arrive with another male friend, he became upset.

[Her grandmother] said, "He was just overcome with jealousy I think, was the the main thing. She was trying to run from him, and he just caught up with her and shot her, I guess."

Bartlett died at the hospital with one gunshot in the back, according to Pulaski County Sheriff's investigator, Robert McGriff.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Bartlett family.

Ensure Our Future

2011-06-20T15:08:00.009-04:00

As we've mentioned before, 2011 is WRC's 25th Anniversary of providing services to families who have experienced domestic violence. As we are honoring this milestone, we are also mourning. At our founding, we hoped it wouldn't take 25 years to bring domestic violence to an end. In 2011, we certainly hope that we do not have to recognize our 50th Anniversary.

In light of that goal, we challenged ourselves to imagine what the year 2036 would look like if domestic violence were a thing of the past. How would it look if WRC could close our doors forever?

Please help us get there. Make a donation and call (404) 370-7670 to learn more about volunteering your time. It will take each and every one of us to ensure a peaceful world.

In Honor of Father's Day

2011-06-16T15:23:00.006-04:00

This is a repost of 2008 entry. The link to our Father's Day Ad has been updated for 2011.

RH Reality Check recently posted a piece about Jackson Katz, a well-known writer and educator on the topic of gender violence prevention among men and boys. In the piece, Katz discusses why he feels that violence against women should be reframed as a men's issue. Katz argues that labeling violence against women a "women's issue" or even a "gender issue" (which he believes is automatically synonymous with "women's issue" for many people) encourages men to view the issue as irrelevant to their lives and "gives them an excuse to not pay attention".

Another reason why Katz has a problem with people using women's issues to describe violence against women is the issue of perpetration and who is responsible for perpetrating these acts. "Take rape for example," said Katz. "Over 99 percent of rape is perpetrated by men, but it's a women's issue?"

As a further example of this thinking, Katz uses commonly implemented "rape prevention" courses held at universities across the country. Katz argues that these courses are useful information for women in order to practice "risk reduction", but because they do not address men, they are not effective as prevention.

"If a woman has done everything in her power to reduce her risk, then a man who has the proclivity for abuse or need for power will just move on to another woman or target," Katz added. "It's about the guy and his need to assert his power. And it's not just individual men, it's a cultural problem. Our culture is producing violent men, and violence against women has become institutionalized. We need to take a step back and examine the institutionalized polices drafted by men that perpetuate the problem."

This is also the thinking that drives Men Stopping Violence, a locally headquartered organization dedicated to ending men's violence against women. MSV is a national leader in the violence against women's movement who works locally and nationally to dismantle belief systems, social structures, and institutional practices that oppress women and children and dehumanize men themselves. MSV has been a long-time partner of Women's Resource Center and a regular sponsor of our own Father's Day Campaign "It Takes a Man to End Domestic Violence".

In this campaign, we ask men to take a public stance against domestic violence by making a restorative financial contribution to support to women and children affected by abuse. We then include each contributor's name in an advertisement in the Father's Day Sunday edition of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution under the heading:

In commemoration of Father’s Day, the men of Atlanta have united to promote peace in every home. If you think that domestic violence does not affect you or that you cannot make a difference in stopping domestic violence, these men ask that you think of your mothers, sisters and daughters. Domestic violence affects us all, and you can make a difference. The men listed below proudly state that they will not tolerate domestic violence.

We hope that men will see other men whom they know and respect taking a public stance against domestic violence, and that it will influence them to examine the violent tendencies in their own lives. Please look for our ad in the AJC this Sunday, and thank you to all who participated.

The Dangers of Leaving

2011-06-13T15:54:00.001-04:00

Another excellent article addresses this weekend's tragic slayings in Georgia and highlights the very real dangers that women experience while they are attempting to get safe. From Online Athens:

Three-fourths of people killed by domestic violence either were leaving or had just left an abusive relationship, said Maggie Reeves, research coordinator for the Georgia Commission on Family Violence, which documents domestic-related killings in an annual Domestic Violence Fatality Review.

"Georgia's Fatality Review consistently finds that domestic violence homicide victims had taken steps toward independence just prior to the homicide," Reeves said.

That's what happened last week to Carlotta Shields Appling, a 39-year-old Jefferson woman whose divorce soon would be final. She moved out of the home she'd shared with her husband a month earlier, and had a court order that forbade him from having any contact with her.

But as Carlotta got ready for work Monday morning, 42-year-old Anthony Appling forced his way into her home and shot her to death in her bedroom, police said.

-------

The murder-suicide shows how pending divorce and protective orders aren't enough to ensure an abused woman's safety, Reeves said.

"Legal options can be a great tool, but for the abusers, they can be seen just as a piece of paper," she said.

The article goes on to talk about safety planning and gives a real life example of one woman's plan that she devised with the help of an organization like ours. When planning to leave, it is vitally important for women to take some time to safety plan, both for the actual moment that you leave and immediately afterward. We have a printable safety plan on our website, and advocates are available in Atlanta and across the country 24 hours per day to discuss it with you and modify it for your needs. Please call us at (404) 688-9436 or call the national DV hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to speak with an advocate.

Rash of DV Murders in Atlanta

2011-06-07T14:48:00.004-04:00

This weekend was a tragic one in Georgia with 4 domestic violence homicides in less than that many days.

Police say a Roswell man killed his elderly mother and then himself.

Daughter and abusive boyfriend planned Clayton mom's killing, officials say. [update] Later reports expand on the probability that the victim's daughter was compelled to keep quite and assist in the cover up after her boyfriend killed her mother.

Police: Fulton Man shot ex-girlfriend in front of couple's two children.

North of Atlanta, a Jackson County man is also accused of killing his estranged wife before killing himself after police located him in Clarke County.

It is unfortunate that it takes many women being killed by abusive men in a short amount of time for many in our community to recognize that domestic violence is an epidemic that claims the lives of thousands of women every year. Even then, most are looking for an easy answer as to what causes domestic violence or what might have caused the rise in numbers of homicides. AJC reporter Marcus Garner did a fantastic job of reaching out to the experts here in Atlanta for an explanation, but he didn't get an easy answer, because there isn't one to give.

It's true that during poor economies, incidents of domestic violence often rise, as Allison Smith of the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence pointed out. Lack of control in other areas of your life, such as losing your job or not being able to find work when you want it, often inspires those with a predisposition toward violence to seek that control over their family or loved ones. Thus, the root could also be control, as mentioned by Sulaiman Nurridin of Men Stopping Violence. Finally, it could be a criminal justice system that does not take domestic violence seriously enough. As our own ED commented, in the case of the man who killed his children's mother during a custody exchange, there was a protective order in place. The judge clearly felt that it wasn't safe for him to have access to his victim, yet it was OK for him to have access to his children? If the judge in the case had taken the level of risk seriously, he or she could have ordered supervised exchanges or supervised visits and it is possible that this murder could have been prevented.

Domestic violence is a complex issue and, like all complex issues, it requires many solutions. Until our community begins taking domestic violence seriously, working to understand its motivation, and holding men who use violence accountable, this won't be the last tragic weekend we have in Georgia.

Our thoughts and prayers are with all of the families who lost loved ones this weekend.

Man Down

2011-06-03T14:57:00.010-04:00

Rihanna has a new song called 'Man Down'. In it, she grapples with her decision to kill a man. Violence is regularly glorified in music, yet this song is different. Rihanna seems to genuinely struggle with her decision and its consequences, making her song less like those of many of her hip-hop counterparts and more like the corresponding verses of Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.

The video for this song has caused a great deal of controversy. It begins with the fatal shooting, then backtracks to the events leading up to it. The twist to the video is that the man Rihanna shoots is her rapist. Those condemning the video aren't complaining that sexual assault is too violent for a video, though the assault in this video isn't graphic. They are complaining that it's too violent for a woman to kill her attacker.

WRC doesn't condone the use of violence by anyone, yet we hear from several women every year who are forced to kill their batterers to escape the abuse. There are battered women's clemency projects across the country who work with these women to help them escape jail time and rebuild their lives. It is never a decision that a woman makes lightly and it is rarely one that they celebrate, other than to sigh in relief that the abuse is finally over. Taking a life shouldn't be easy and the women we talk to don't find it so. They grapple and struggle with their decisions, too. Yet in a country where domestic violence battery is a misdemeanor that often doesn't result in jail time, many women with truly violent partners can never feel safe while those partners are still alive. Most continue to try to live their lives while constantly looking over their shoulders. Others feel forced to take more drastic measures.

Conviction rates for sexual assault in many Caribbean nations are abysmal (about 1% of reported cases) and many of those islands are small. With her attacker free to roam, would Rihanna's character ever feel safe again?

The homicide in this video could easily be interpreted as a revenge killing, yet we don't think it is. Our work with women who have killed their partners emphasizes that it isn't a triumphant attempt at vigilante justice. It is a tragedy that affects a woman for the rest of her life, whether she ends up in jail or not. We don't think violence should be glorified, but we also don't think this video does that. It shows a hurt woman who makes a choice out of pain that hurts her even worse. She now has to flee her home and the community she clearly loves. The vibrant happy woman of yesterday has become the shell-shocked woman who today must leave everything behind. This video doesn't glorify violence, it just shows one realistic way that such an encounter might end, and how devastating a sexual assault and its consequences can be for a survivor.

The video also shows that women have a right to wear whatever they want, to go out dancing, to be sexual, and to walk alone at night without deserving to be raped. That is something that should definitely be praised, but is being overlooked fairly consistently amidst the controversy.

Finally, we have to remind our media friends again not to totalize Rihanna by her experience with dating violence. She did not ask to become a poster child for the violence against women movement and we should not reduce her to that by examining everything she does in the context of Chris Brown's famous assault on her. Because of her past, that gives her a powerful voice when she discusses violence against women, and it probably influences her to give issues of violence against women a prominent place in her art, but there is no one way that a survivor should act, and we shouldn't hold Rihanna up to some false standard that we have created. She deserves to move through her life without judgment as much as any other woman.

See also: Independence Day by Martina McBride or Good Bye Earl by the Dixie Chicks

Schwarzenegger and Strauss-Kahn

2011-05-19T11:41:00.001-04:00

By now you have probably heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted to fathering a child with a household employee while he was married to Maria Shriver. You have also probably heard that Dominique Strauss-Kahn, a French economist and politician, has been accused of raping a housekeeper at a hotel in New York. At face value, these stories may seem unrelated, but we'd like you to look at them a little closer.

The reason that most companies have strict rules about intra-office dating, especially between a boss and a subordinate, is that, by nature, a power difference exists between a person and the person that he or she works for. The boss has the power to fire, reprimand, promote, give raises or other perks, or to make work life miserable for his or her employees. If an employee fears even for an instant that saying no to an advance made by her or his boss will result in a negative on-the-job consequence, it calls into question whether the act or relationship is truly consensual. The mother of Schwarzenegger's baby was his household employee. Because of the power he held over her merely by virtue of providing her paycheck (especially in a time when employment is harder and harder to come by), not to mention that he is a powerful man politically and because of his celebrity, we will never know if the relationship or the act that produced a child was truly consensual. We do know that Schwarzenegger has a history of being accused of violence and harassment toward women.

The woman accusing Strauss-Kahn of rape is making it clear that she did not consent.

These women are both domestic workers, and domestic workers all over the world are particularly vulnerable to violence. Just like in rapes, just like in domestic violence, assaults on domestic workers come from a place of unequal power and are able to continue because those using violence do not fear punishment. Just as scores of people, including Ben Stein in a truly abysmal article, rush to defend Strauss-Kahn against the accusations leveled by a women who, as Stein says, is "just a maid", most people in a position to stop violence against those who are vulnerable just can't bring themselves to believe "just maids" over the fine upstanding citizens who employ them. Violence against women happens to people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds and income levels and is perpetrated by people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds and income levels. Yet, in both of these cases, the women in question are working class women of color, where the men are wealthy and white. Yet another difference in power as afforded by our society.

We're not the only ones who have noticed that men in power sometimes abuse that power, but instead of painting it as men "behaving badly", we call it what it is - a culture that perpetuates violence against women. If any man, powerful or no, thinks that he can get away with abusing women, he is more likely to consider doing so. That doesn't mean that all men will abuse their partners, but you're more likely to consider doing anything bad if you don't think you'll get punished. If a man also thinks that a woman's purpose is to please a man, or that women aren't as smart are as valuable as men, or that being a man means that you have to be in control at all times, or that being a man means using violence, he especially will take advantage of opportunities to violate women while escaping punishment. We have to challenge those mindsets, but we also have to make sure that men who use violence against women are punished. Otherwise they'll do it again and again and again, just as these men have been accused of doing.

LaGrange Man Charged with DV Murder

2011-05-16T15:33:00.000-04:00

According to the LaGrange Daily News, a LaGrange man has been charged with murdering his estranged wife.

Officers were called to Sun Ridge Apartments at 1235 Hogansville Road to reports of gunfire and the sound of a woman crying in her apartment about 10 p.m. Officers found Shelley Renee Johnson, 37, dead from multiple gunshot wounds.

Her estranged husband, Jacob Johnson, 43, of Dadeville, Ala., turned himself in at the Troup County sheriff’s office about 11:30 p.m. and was returned to LaGrange police for an interview.

Anyone with additional information on this case is asked to call LaGrange police at (706) 883-2603 or Troup County Crime Stoppers at (706) 812-1000 or text an anonymous tip to 847411, keyword LAGRANGE. Tips also may be submitted online at www.lagrange-ga.org or www.facebook.com/lagrange.police.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Johnson family.

Why Pastors Struggle with DV

2011-05-12T14:00:00.002-04:00

It seems like all we have been doing lately is sharing other people's work, which is great, because that means all sorts of people in the media are paying attention to issues including and surrounding violence against women.

The article we want to share today looks at reasons why many pastors struggle when trying to address domestic violence among their congregants. The author comes up with six:

Domestic violence is fundamentally unbelievable (that a person would be capable of hurting someone they love).
Wife abusers are masterful manipulators.
Pastors think spousal abuse only happens in certain kinds of families.
Pastors haven't thought enough about the gray area between "submit" and abuse.
Pastors believe what they preach.
Pastors simply aren't trained about domestic violence.

The only fault in this article is that it, unless it is meant to be implicit within the last point, the author offers no solutions for pastors who want to become better at helping both abuser and survivors address the abuse going on in their relationship. That's where we come in. If you are reading this post and belong to a church, synagogue, or other faith-based institution and you would like to help your religious leader increase his or her skills in addressing domestic violence without causing more harm, please call us at (404) 370-7670. We would love to provide the training needed to make our community's faith leaders part of the solution.

We Don't Hate Men

2011-05-11T13:29:00.000-04:00

Organizations like ours often get accused of hating men. We must admit, sometimes it gets tempting to get mad at all men. After all, we've spent 25 years helping women pick up and start over after the damage that men have inflicted on them financially, emotionally, and physically. But each of us have men in our lives whom we love - fathers, brothers, husbands, friends, children, etc. We also know that the vast majority of men don't use violence.

It's the MRAs (Men's Rights Activists) that really seem to hate men. For example, men who wear this label are the type of men who feel that women are to blame for their own sexual assaults if they wear sexy clothing that sends men mixed signals. When feminists are saying that men are rational human beings who are able to make the conscious decision not to rape (because most men don't rape), MRAs say that men are animals who are ruled by their libidos and thus just can't restrain themselves if the see a thigh or a little bit of cleavage. Who sounds like they hate men?

Hugo Schwyzer is an ally to women who wrote an article for the Good Men Project claiming that MRAs have their ideas of feminism all wrong and that feminism is actually good for men, too. An excerpt:

The cause of men’s very real unhappiness isn’t a biased family court system, or feminist college professors, or the perceived injustices of Title IX athletic funding. The source of men’s anguish and uncertainty is the straitjacket of traditional American manhood. Men are suffering because their emotional, psychological, intellectual, and sexual potential is stunted by their own efforts to live up to an impossible masculine ideal.

Whether they got it from their fathers or their older brothers, whether they learned it from peers or pastors, coaches or drill instructors, almost all American boys grow up learning the “guy rules.” As Deborah David and Robert Brannon first showed in their landmark 1976 book on men, The Forty-Nine Percent Majority, the rules are crushingly simple: Big boys don’t cry. No sissy stuff. Be a “sturdy oak.” “Be a big wheel.” “Give ’em hell.”

Being a man, in other words, is defined by divesting oneself of anything remotely associated with femininity (like kindness, sensitivity, intuition, empathy). When heterosexual masculinity is defined by violent obtuseness, these “guy rules” rob boys of their chance to develop emotional skills to thrive in relationships with others. This frantic effort to shut down a whole aspect of one’s potential isn’t caused by testosterone or Y chromosomes. It’s caused by the longing to live by the “man code.”

♦◊♦

Most MRAs agree that the “man code” exists and that it does great damage to young men. But they blame women for these cruel and limiting rules. According to many MRAs I’ve spoken to, it is women’s sexual desire for the alpha male that forces boys to compete ruthlessly with one another. “Women say they want one thing but choose another: they always go for a**holes,” so many guys say. If women would broaden their sexual appetites to include “betas” and “omegas,” their reasoning goes, boys would feel less compelled to compete ruthlessly with one another. (The men’s rights activists tend to be wildly off-base about what women actually want, but that’s another topic.)

It’s a typical but tragic mistake: MRAs wildly overestimate women’s power, sexual or otherwise. Men, they insist, are helpless by comparison. But that claim ignores a long and unmistakable history of male domination in human history. And if there’s one undeniable truism about our species, it’s that the rules are made by the dominant group. The “man laws” or “guy rules” were created by and for men. Historically, winning validation from other men has mattered more than getting sex or love from women. (If you don’t believe that, think for a moment about how hard boys will work to please a demanding football coach.) Males are raised to be “homosocial,” which means they’re taught to get their primary affirmation from other men rather than from women. Working too hard for female approval just makes you a “mama’s boy” or “p***y-whipped,” and the frantic efforts young men make to ensure neither of those labels apply to them tells you all you need to know about who it is they are really trying to impress.

Amanda Marcotte on the same site breaks it down even better and with more detail. She looks at four examples of causes that MRAs take very seriously and shows how the feminist solution to all of them is better for women and for men. Those issues include:

Men are more often the primary or even sole breadwinners of nuclear-family households.

Men have to do all the work asking women out, and women are often hostile to men’s overtures, which hurts men’s feelings.

Men are more likely to get killed at work.

Ladies Night, where bars often extend a drink special to women and not to men.

Still think we're the man haters?

Sex Slavery In Atlanta

2011-05-10T13:00:00.002-04:00

As we have mentioned before, Atlanta is an international hub for sex trafficking. Last week, the Marietta Patch ran an excellent article examining the specific problem of child sex trafficking and debunking some of the myths regarding where trafficking takes place in Atlanta and who the men are who participate in the sexual enslavement of children.

The Schapiro Group is a data‐driven strategic consulting firm based in Atlanta. They produced a study that shows the largest group of men who purchase sex with young females is found in the north metro Atlanta area, outside I-285 (42 percent). It also shows that 23 percent of buyers are from the south metro area, 26 percent are in the city’s core and only 9 percent come from the airport area.

Child sex trafficking is just as huge a problem for affluent families in Marietta as it is in the inner city of Atlanta.

When we think of sex trafficking, we often think of children from a foreign land being brought here to serve foreign men coming to Atlanta via the airport. This study shows that this is categorically not the case. Atlanta's men are creating the market for the slavery of children and Atlanta's children are often the ones enslaved.

Any young girl is at risk for being enslaved for sex. Factors such as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence at home, poverty and running away lead to a much greater threat.

An estimated 1.6 million children run away from home each year in the United States. The average time it takes before a trafficker or a solicitor approaches a runaway is only 48 hours.

And 90 percent of runaway girls in Atlanta become part of the city’s sex trade, and 70 to 90 percent of commercially sexually exploited children have a history of childhood sexual abuse.

Girls are lured in by recruiters and pimps; other children are also used as recruiters. At times, a girl’s own family may be the sellers.

The article also includes information regarding how children are accessed by traffickers. We recommend reading the whole thing and then contacting an organization like A Future Not A Past for more information on how you can help.

Triple DV Murder in Iron City

2011-05-09T17:30:00.001-04:00

A Seminole County, Georgia man is in police custody after he allegedly murdered three people, one of whom was his former girlfriend.

Seminole County Sheriff Heath Elliott stated store video showed the 3 victims were in their car at the Iron City convenience store. Larry Easterwood pulled in and walked up to the drivers side window and opened fire on the occupants.
The driver of the car, Christy Scott, was dead at the scene. Her husband, Rodney Scott, was transported to Donalsonville Hospital where he was pronounced dead. Easterwood's ex-girlfriend, Stacy Dismuke, was life-flighted to Tallahassee Memorial where she died. The 3 victims were in their thirties. The Scott's 5 year old daughter, also in the car during the shooting, was unharmed. The murders occurred at about 5:30 pm.
One hour later. Easterwood drove his jeep by the crime scene. Bystanders yelled there he goes and deputies, GBI and GSP all rushed to their cars and took off after him. Moments later he was located and arrested at his home about 2 blocks away. A bystander on scene stated they believed that Easterwood had returned to the area and sat behind a building close by and watched the scene before driving home.
Larry Easterwood had been released from federal prison about 1 1/2 years ago and was on parole. Very upset family members spoke with us saying that Stacy Dismuke and Larry Easterwood had lived together for about a year until about 3 weeks ago. Drugs, alcohol and domestic violence was said to be the cause of the breakup.
Stacy Dismuke then moved in with her best friend and her husband, Christy and Rodney Scott, the other 2 murder victims. Since that time, there appears to have been ongoing harassment between Stacy and Easterwood. They lived only 5-6 blocks from Larry Easterwood's home in this small community. Family members felt the Sheriff's office should have done something before it escalated to this point.
"There was just so much we could do." Sheriff Heath Elliott stated. "It's very frustrating that we can not do anything to stop this type situation before someone actually does something to be arrested."
Sheriff Elliott stated a criminal trespass notice had been issued to Larry Easterwood and he had been warned to stay away from Stacy. Sheriff Elliott stated that he had personally spoken with both parties in an attempt to stop the ongoing harassment. He stated the he even spoke with Easterwood's federal parole officer in their attempt to handle the situation.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Dismuke and Scott families.

You Shouldn't Laugh

2011-05-03T14:39:00.011-04:00

As a fitting wrap-up to our discussion of rape myths for Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and especially in the light of our last post discussing rapists in particular, we refer you to this excellent post at Shakesville.

Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys (or more) is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, in a pick-up game of basketball, at a bar, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can't tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It's not like they announce themselves.
But, here's the thing. It's very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another, someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn't mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
Or maybe you didn't laugh. Maybe it just wasn't a very funny joke. So maybe you just didn't say anything at all.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed? When you were silent?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.

This can be true about any joke, really. It certainly applies to domestic violence. If you're hanging out with a man who batters, and he makes a joke about knocking some sense into his wife, and you laugh, you just reinforced his belief that hitting his wife is OK. It's as simple as that. So the next time you are confronted with a situation like this, and it might be awkward to speak up, think about this: who would you rather defend, the victim or the batter? The victim or the rapist? Whose side would you rather have people think you're on? As Shaker Time-Machine said in her post, "If you're doing something that is more likely to make rapists feel comfortable, then don't do it!"

Rape Myths, Part III

2011-04-29T16:40:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the third post in our series examining rape myths for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Click on the number to read posts 1, 2.1, 2.2, & 2.3.

In this post, we'll finally talk about that stat we've been teasing you about, because in this post we shift past the constant focus on victims and actually talk about rapists. Consider this your trigger warning.

The last myth that we talked about in our HLN interview is the myth that rape is just about sex. It's not. In any given sexual encounter, there are countless moments when one can determine whether or not one's partner is consenting. What you are looking for is enthusiastic consent. It should be clear that your partner is ready and willing and excited about where this encounter is going. If your partner is hesitant, confused, or unable to say yes, you haven't received consent. At best, you are coercing them into doing something they would rather say no to (still rape). Probably, you are moving forward explicitly without their consent.

So, in our imaginary encounter, if a person realizes they do not have enthusiastic consent, they have options. They can stop what they are doing and then go find someone else who will consent to have sex with them. They can stop what they are doing and take care of their sexual needs on their own. Though illegal, they can hire someone to consensually provide them with sex. Or, they could just give up on sex at that time, which countless people do every day.

Instead, a rapist decides to move forward anyway. Regardless of what the victim is wearing, regardless of where she has been, regardless of whether she has been drinking, regardless of a host of factors, the responsibility for the rape lies with the rapist, because he is the one making the decision in that moment to move forward.

The problem is, we don't label so much of that scenario as rape. Women come through our doors every day who have been sexually assaulted by husbands or partners, but they don't label it as such. If someone holds you down and forces you to have sex, that is rape. If someone gets you too drunk to say no and then has sex with you, that is rape. If someone talks you into having sex when you initially didn't want to, makes you feel too guilty to say no, or makes you feel too scared to say no, that is rape.

Slightly over 1 in 20 college-age men will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word "rape" isn't used in the description of the act. If you ask, "have you ever raped a woman", of course they will say no. But if you describe one of the scenarios above (i.e., have you ever made a woman feel too guilty to say no to sex), 6% of men will say yes, they have. And that's a conservative estimate. Other sources double that number.

So why do 6% of men rape? Because they can. If you don't respect women, you don't care if you have their consent. If women are nothing but glorified sex toys to you, you don't care about their enthusiasm or their pleasure. You don't care if they get anything out of the encounter. You don't care if they really want to be there, so long as they are there. If society has taught you that women aren't real people whose feelings and opinions matter, then their feelings and opinions about sex don't matter.

But even with all these factors as true, fewer men would rape if they thought there would be a consequence for doing so. If they thought that it would hurt their relationships with others or their careers, if they thought the would be arrested, if they thought that some privilege or power that they value would be taken from them as punishment, they wouldn't rape. It is a choice. Men are not neanderthals who are ruled by their libidos. 94% of men make the decision not to rape. It is a choice, and if we took rape seriously and punished rapists, it wouldn't happen nearly as often.

Instead, only 6% of rapists ever see a day in jail, which leaves them right out in the world where they can rape again.

Our Investment in Gender

2011-04-27T16:58:00.004-04:00

As a culture, we have a lot invested in gendering our citizens. Don't believe us? Then why do people freak out so much when a person of one gender acts like a person of another?

It should be no big deal. Major League Baseball offers paternity leave. It's a personal decision whether or not players want to take it. A player decides to take advantage and misses a game to attend the birth of his child. End of story, right? Not exactly.

A Dallas sports writer publishes an entire rant because he thinks a guy taking time off from work to do girly things like have babies is so weird. Funerals, he's OK with, they're unisex. But birth is strictly a woman's domain, so no men allowed.

Also, boys should never, ever paint their toenails. And if a company like J Crew happens to print an ad about a mother having some bonding time with her son by painting his toenails his favorite color, the frenzy might just reach epic proportions. Don't believe us? Google it. We'll wait.

All sarcasm aside, this gender policing has real consequences for people.

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, a Mississippi high school football player wanted to wear pink cleats. He got kicked off the team for it and might not graduate on time.

A 17-month old boy was beaten to death in New York for "acting like a girl".

"Corrective Rape", the horrible crime whereby gay men and lesbian women are raped by persons of the opposite sex in order to "fix" their being gay has its own Wikipedia entry.

So why is our society so invested in this? Why do we care if women do things that are considered masculine and men do things that are considered feminine?

Chalk it up to power. Men are more valuable in our society, and they have more power. It's why rape and domestic violence are committed. If women acted like men, maybe we could claim some of that value and some of that power. That has to be stopped. And why on Earth would a man want to act like a woman? Women are worthless. To be a woman is bad. Therefore, there must be something very wrong with a man who wants to do feminine things. That has to be stopped, too.

If we get to a point in our society where women and men are equally valued and equally respected, gender won't matter so much. Until then, gender policing will be alive and well and to step outside your narrowly defined box could be very dangerous. Literally, dangerous.

Butts County Man Accused of Killing Wife, 10-Year-Old

2011-04-26T09:16:00.001-04:00

A Butts County man stands accused of stabbing his wife and her 10-year-old daughter to death.

Butts County Sheriff Gene Pope said Jackson fatally stabbed his wife, Penny Phillips, and her 10-year-old daughter in the neck Saturday. He believes Jackson meant to kill the other four children in the house as well.

We are thankful that he was not able to harm the other children and that his pastor was able to convince him to turn himself in.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Phillips family.

Bullying Linked to DV

2011-04-25T16:36:00.001-04:00

The Centers for Disease Control recently released a study that found a link between bullying and witnessing or experiencing violence at home.

Exposure to violent family encounters was more common among bully-victims [those who both bully and are bullied] than among bullies, and more common among bullies than victims of bullying. Among middle school students, 23.2% of bully-victims reported being physically hurt by a family member and 22.8% reported witnessing violence, compared with 19.4% and 17.4%, respectively, among bullies and 13.6% and 14.8%, respectively, among victims of bullying. Among high school students, comparisons by category were similar.

It makes sense. Children learn how to move through the world by what they witness in the home. If they witness a parent using bullying behaviors against another parent, they will likely mimic those behaviors. It is up to us to teach the children in our care (our own children, those in our classroom, those in our scout troop, etc.) that violence is not acceptable and to model respectful behavior. Otherwise, we will continue to pass abusive behaviors from generation to generation.

Does Rap Have a Problem with Rape?

2011-04-20T10:14:00.002-04:00

[Trigger warning: this post contains song lyrics that, though abbreviated, should be offensive.]

Actress Ashley Judd thinks that rap and hip-hop music have a problem - specifically that they contribute way too much to our nation's rape culture.

In her memoir, “All That Is Bitter and Sweet”, Judd attacked several hip-hop artists for their misogynistic lyrics. In the memoir, released last week, Judd writes:

“As far as I’m concerned, most rap and hip-hop music – with its rape culture and insanely abusive lyrics and depictions of girls and women as ‘ho’s’ – is the contemporary soundtrack of misogyny.”

She later clarified:

“…What I’m being accused of is condemning rap and hip-hop as a whole, and the whole community and when they say community, they mean the fans, and African-Americans, it’s become so generalized. My intention was to take a stand to say the elements that are misogynistic and treat girls and women in a hyper-sexualized way are inappropriate. The male dominance that is displayed, and the reinforcement of girls’ and women value and identify as primarily sexual, is not helpful in any artistic expression, in any cultural form, whether its country music or in television story lines.”

It's true that rap and hip-hop are often used as a scapegoat for things wrong with our society, but before you dismiss Judd as a hater, and thus dismiss her comments, peruse this article from The Root that argues that she's right.

Tragically, rape is common in American culture, and rap music sometimes reflects the rape culture of American society. The encouragement of male aggression and the support of violence against women are regular features of popular rap music. Check out this verse from Notorious B.I.G. in "Dead Wrong": "Biggie Smalls for mayor, the rap slayer/The hooker layer ... Hail Mary full of grace/Smack the b--ch in the face/Take her Gucci bag and the North Face/Off her back, jab her if she act funny with the money/Oh you got me mistaken, honey/I don't wanna rape ya/ I just want the paper." Jay-Z's verse on Kanye West's "Monster" alludes to raping and pillaging.

Although these lyrics should be ascribed to the artistic personas of these major hip-hop figures, I still reserve the right to critique, challenge and hold the authors of these artistic personas accountable for their music, especially if it is contributing to one of our greatest social challenges: gender equality and the freedom of women not to live in fear of violent assault.

That said, rapping specifically about rape is not what rape culture is all about. The ways in which some rappers promote attitudes that normalize sexual violence against women and children are the more common culprits of rap's rape culture. Consider these lines from West's verse in "Monster": "I put the p--sy in a sarcophagus/Now she claiming I bruise her esophagus." I am more than willing to grant artistic license to any of these rappers, as long as they are willing to be publicly accountable for the ways in which these verses promote attitudes and mentalities that contribute to rap's rape culture -- as Snoop did on Larry King Live.

When Jay-Z signed Jay Electronica to Roc Nation label, it seemed like a triumph of underground hip-hop culture -- the talented Jay Electronica, along with Jay-Z's formidable business and promotional acumen, could change the game for the better. Instead, the rapper has elected to use some troubling language in his live performances, polling his audiences to inquire if women "like being choked during sexual intercourse." Many feminist bloggers and activists challenged Jay Electronica directly.

For the survivors of violent sexual assault and for those of us who understand that sexual assault against women is a critical problem for all of us, this sort of thing is simply unacceptable. Maybe I am sensitized to this because my daughter just turned 10. But I'm also aware that even though individuals must be responsible for their own acts, too many are susceptible to subtle (and unsubtle) cues -- from pop culture and the public sphere -- that subject women to male dominance, and reaffirm the sexism and misogyny that lead to sexual violence against women.

The Root article also makes the important distinction between rap and hip-hop music and hip-hop culture. Hip-hop culture has a history of working for social justice and has spawned some amazing activists, some of whom use rap and hip-hop music as their platform. However, mainstream rap and hip-hop music really has a woman problem that demands addressing.

Rape Myths Part II, Part III

2011-04-19T13:02:00.002-04:00

This is the post that just keeps going. We had intended to write about some other rape myths, and still will, but the universe keeps providing evidence of ways that believing that women lie about being raped can be incredibly damaging to rape victims (as if it weren't already obvious).

Earlier this week, Ms. Magazine told the story of a woman who reported a sexual assault and was deemed by police to be a liar. They went so far as to charge her with false reporting and fine her $500. Turns out, she wasn't lying.

Three years later, Marc O’Leary was arrested in Colorado for charges of sexual assault, kidnapping, burglary and felony menacing. He is being held on $5 million bail. When the police raided O’Leary’s home earlier this month, they found photos of his victims.

The 18-year-old woman from Washington [whom police accused of false reporting] was in those photographs.

Police have reopened her case, reimbursed her $500 and are working on getting her record expunged, but they can't undo the trauma they caused. This young woman was made to look like a liar to her entire community, she was given a criminal record, and she was retraumatized by police and the courts by making her relive her assault and then not believing her. The police also allowed O'Leary to assault two other women, women to whom he would never have had access if he had been behind bars because the police took the original report seriously.

By believing that women commonly lie about rape, we are helping rapists. We help men like O'Leary escape punishment for using violence against women, freeing them to do it again. Remember that the next time you are tempted to be skeptical.

Rape Myths Part II, Part II

2011-04-18T12:32:00.003-04:00

Somehow, in writing our last, we missed a great post from Ms. Magazine examining the same myth - that women frequently lie about being sexually assaulted. It is a must-read! Here is an excerpt:

Take the case of Ben Roethlisberger. Back in 2009, the star Steelers quarterback was accused of rape by a Lake Tahoe casino hostess. She filed a civil suit for assault, sexual assault and battery, false imprisonment, false pretenses, fraud and intentional infliction of emotional distress. She did not press criminal charges, though, which Roethlisberger’s lawyers claimed was evidence that the accusations were false.
However, even judges have said that rape survivors are sometimes better off not reporting to police because the stress of a criminal trial can add even more trauma after a sexual assault. And her hesitation is certainly understandable in this case: When she reported the crime to a casino security guard, he scoffed, “Most girls would feel lucky to get to have sex with someone like Ben Roethlisberger.” Is it possible that a judge and jury might say the same thing?
Almost immediately following reports of the suit, TMZ released alleged photos of the survivor without text. The photos, predictably, were met with comments like this one: “This is a bunch of trumped up bullshit from a gold digging @#$?”
Then, just a few days after the photos were released, the gossip rags dug into the survivor’s mental health history, reporting on her post-assault depression, insomnia and anxiety–and calling her “nutty” rather than recognizing the possible signs of sexual trauma. On blogs and news sites, almost without variation, fans defended their football hero and reporters danced gingerly around the issue.
The assumption hung heavily in the air: She had to be lying. Why would a rich (or, in other cases, married/famous/charitable/kind) man rape a so-called “nobody”?

And here is another interesting follow-up touched on in the Ms. article. The FBI reports that between 2-8% of sexual assaults are unfounded. You'll notice that is higher than the 1.6% that we quoted in our last post and in our HLN interview. That's because the FBI number looks at sexual assault reports that are unfounded, not false. According to the Forensic Examiner, that 2-8% figure is pretty much meaningless.

According to the FBI, a report should only be considered unfounded when investigation revealed that the elements of the crime were not met or the report was "false" (which is not defined) (FBI, 2007).
This statistic is almost meaningless, as many of the jurisdictions from which the FBI collects data on crime use different definitions of, or criteria for, "unfounded." That is, a report of rape might be classified as unfounded (rather than as forcible rape) if the alleged victim did not try to fight off the suspect, if the alleged perpetrator did not use physical force or a weapon of some sort, if the alleged victim did not sustain any physical injuries, or if the alleged victim and the accused had a prior sexual relationship. Similarly, a report might be deemed unfounded if there is no physical evidence or too many inconsistencies between the accuser's statement and what evidence does exist. As such, although some unfounded cases of rape may be false or fabricated, not all unfounded cases are false.

The police department mentioned in the Ms. article (who had an unfounded rate of 54%) went even further and injected a whole host of their own biases in determinations of whether or not a woman reporting a sexual assault was lying. Of course their numbers were inflated if they told the FBI that they believe some women falsely report rape to “obtain revenge” on a man who has “done her wrong,” or to make her partner “feel guilty” after a “lover’s quarrel”! The point is, these numbers are highly subjective and, since we live in a culture that assumes that women lie about being raped, our stats about women lying about rape are going to be inflated. It's a vicious cycle, and one that does not contribute to justice for rape victims.

Rape Myths Part II

2011-04-15T12:11:00.006-04:00

This is the second in our series of posts examining rape myths in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. For the first, challenging the idea that women are responsible for their sexual assaults, click here.

Many people believe that false reports of rape are common. There are usually two thoughts processes behind that, both of which are grounded in a system that values men more highly than women.

First, when it comes to date rape, many people assume that the sex or sexual act was consensual at the time, but that the woman wakes up the next morning regretting it and changes her story. This is similar to arguing that a woman lies about consensual sex, calling it rape, when her husband or father finds out and she wants to avoid their disapproval. The entire argument hinges on one belief: women are liars.

If we don't believe that women are liars, we believe that men are actually capable of sexual assault. But, because our society values men more highly than we do women, we have more invested in believing that men are innocent. It is easier for us to believe something negative about a woman than it is for us to believe something negative about a man. It is easier for us to think that the average woman is capable of trying to ruin a man's life by falsely accusing him of a horrible crime than it is for us to think that the average man is capable of raping.

This leads very logically into the next thought process. We want to believe that men who are rapists are easy to identify and thus easy to avoid. It's a form of self-protection, similar to that which causes us to wrongfully believe that women are at least partially responsible for their rapes. But men who rape don't wear signs around their necks or have tattoos that say "dangerous". Men who rape can be creepy or charming, ugly or handsome, young or old, rich or poor, of any race or ethnicity, religious or not religious, etc. These men could be your fathers, husbands, boyfriends, brothers, sons, bosses, faith leaders, or anyone else. But, because we don't want to believe that the men we love and respect could be violent, it is easier for us to think that women are liars. Because we want to think we are safe from sexual assault because we don't know anyone capable of doing something so horrible, it is easier for us to do something horrible - revictimize a sexual assault victim by accusing her of lying.

In reality, false reports are not common. There aren't many studies done on the issue, and thus stats are hard to come by, but some reports have found that false reports of sexual assault are as low as 1.6%. That same study found false reports of auto theft to be 2.6% of total reports.

Compare that to the fact that 1 in 20 college-age men will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word "rape" isn't used in the description of the act.*

*We'll explore this stat in a later post.

Rape Myths part 1

2011-04-12T09:22:00.013-04:00

Last week, a member of our staff was invited to come on CNN Headline News to discuss rape myths during their coverage of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. You can watch the video of Richelle Carey interviewing our Director of Development Amber Harris here.

Because these interviews are so short, there are always points we wish we had made once the interview is done. Also, a complicated issue like sexual assault, and the way our culture views and discusses it, is something that warrants a more thorough discussion than you can fit into a few minutes. That is why we'll be exploring the rape myths discussed in the segment in more detail. The first myth discussed was the idea that victims are sometimes to blame for some or all of their sexual assault.

We as a culture are desperate to blame rape victims for some or all of what happened to them. If she had been drinking, the rape was at least partially her fault. If she was dressed suggestively, it was her fault. If she invited a man into her home, it was her fault. If she has had sex before, especially with him, it was her fault. If she is married to him, she has given up forever her right to say no.

All of these ways of thinking are, of course, false. It is not illegal for a woman above the legal drinking age to have a drink. It is not illegal for women to wear low-cut tops or short skirts, or heels. It is not illegal for women to invite men into their homes. It is not illegal for women to have sex and also to withdraw their consent for sex at any time during or afterward. It is up to the other person to stop when that consent is withdrawn, or if it is never given. If you don't stop, that is rape, and rape is illegal.

Think of it this way. Thousands of women go to bars every weekend dressed in club-wear and no one assaults them. Thousands of women end relationships with men with whom they've had sex every week and those men do not assault them. And yet, every 2 minutes in the US, someone is sexually assaulted. Many of those women and men were not drunk, dressed suggestively, etc. The difference for them is that they were in the presence of a rapist.

So why are we so determined to blame victims for their assaults? As Amber suggested in her interview, it may be, at least partly, at least for women, a self-protection mechanism. When we hear that 1 in 6 women* in the US will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes, we need to believe something that will help us deny that it will happen to us. We need to believe that women did something wrong or something stupid that compromised their safety. If we admit that women who are sexually assaulted did nothing at all to cause that assault, then we as women live in constant fear.

Even though it is an understandable self-protection mechanism, blaming the victim is not OK. Why? Because when blaming the victim, you are helping the rapist.

Let that sink in. When you blame a victim for her own assault, you are helping the rapist.

Most courtroom rape defenses rely on the exact victim blaming rhetoric that we lay out above to keep rapists from going to jail. And women who don't want to suffer through that victim blaming often don't press charges in the first place. That's why 61% of rapes are never reported to police and only 6% of rapists ever see a day in jail. When you participate in victim blaming, you are causing women who have been assaulted to relive their trauma and possibly also blame themselves. You are also helping the real criminal, the rapist, walk free.

It's also a lot easier to blame the victim than it is to blame the rapist. After all, the solutions are so much easier if we concentrate on the victim. Take a self-defense class. Don't drink. Always be aware of your surroundings. However, 1 in 20 college-age men will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word "rape" isn't used in the description of the act.** It's a lot harder to change the beliefs and the power structure that feeds men the idea that it is OK to take sex from a women without her consent, as if she is not a real person and her feelings don't matter. Teaching men who don't already think so that women matter is incredibly difficult. If we believe that women aren't to blame for their assaults, and yet we do nothing about it, we are yet again helping the rapist.

Don't help the rapist; help us. When your friends, family members, or colleagues are blaming the victim, stop them and explain why victim blaming is harmful. Stop people when they make rape jokes in your presence. Volunteer for a local organization, like ours, that works to end violence against women. Then you don't have to be as afraid, you don't have to harm victims, and you are doing something to end violence against women. And you aren't helping a rapist.

*The really frightening thing about that 1 in 6 number is that it doesn't take into account that many of those women will be assaulted more than once.

**We'll explore this stat in a future post.

Murray Man Kills Wife, Is Killed by Deputy

2011-04-11T16:08:00.002-04:00

The AJC reports that a Murray County, Georgia woman was seconds away from being rescued by police when her husband shot and killed her.

According to a news release issued Monday by Murray County Sheriff Howard Ensley, Peggy Sue Green Hamby called 911 at 8:43 p.m., "stating her husband, Kenneth Green, was holding a gun on her and threatening to kill her, himself and any law enforcement officer that arrives."

A deputy arrived four minutes later to find Green with a rifle, attacking his wife outside the home.

When the deputy ordered the man to drop his weapon, Green shot and killed his wife, according to the release.

"Moving toward the deputy, Mr. Green turned the weapon towards the officer and fired a shot," Ensley said in the release. "The deputy returned fire, fatally wounding Mr. Green."

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Hamby family.

Alabama College Shooting

2011-04-07T16:50:00.002-04:00

One woman is dead and three others are injured in a mass shooting that proves, once again, that domestic violence is not a family matter that, if left alone, will stay behind closed doors.

The shootings in the car park of Southern Union Community College in Opelika killed a 63-year-old woman, wounded two other women, aged 36 and 94, and injured a four-year-old who was hit by flying glass.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1374300/Alabama-College-shooting-Moment-gunman-Thomas-Franklin-May-surrendered.html#ixzz1IsBYRU6u

Thomas Franklin May, 34, was charged with capital murder and attempted murder and is being held without bail, said Police Chief Tommy Mangham.
He said the shooting was related to a domestic matter and was pre-planned.
Chief Mangham said: 'We really don't know what's in a person's mind when they do something like this.'
One of the wounded women was Bethany L May, the alleged shooter's estranged wife, Chief Mangham said.
Authorities wouldn't release any more information on the victims or their medical conditions. However it was revealed that one victim was a student at the community college and that some of the victims were related.
Court records revealed Mrs May filed a request against her husband last week seeking protection from abuse, but the details were unavailable.
A judge in Lee County issued a temporary order against Mr May and scheduled a hearing for May 11.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims' families.

Lithonia Man Accused in Stabbing Death of Mother, Siblings

2011-04-05T14:40:00.002-04:00

The AJC reports that a Lithonia man is accused in the stabbing death of his mother and two siblings. He also wounded his teenage sister who survived the attack but is in critical condition.

Police arrested the 21-year-old [Eugene Quatron] McCoy as he was walking away from the house Sunday night. According to jail records, McCoy lived at the Rockland Road house even though there was a restraining order prohibiting him from being in contact with his family.
McCoy was booked into the DeKalb County jail early Monday on three counts of murder and one charge of aggravated assault.

Sheila Irons, the man's mother whom he is accused of killing, had taken out a protective order him, prohibiting him from being in contact with her and her minor children. However, as we counsel women every day, a protective order is just a piece of paper that relies on fear of arrest and imprisonment to make it effective. Men who do not fear being arrested often do not fear a protective order.

According to court records, there is a history of family violence.
McCoy has been arrested six times prior to Monday, including twice for allegedly violating family violence orders. All the cases were before DeKalb County judges.
The first arrest was in 2007 when McCoy was sentenced to 12 months' probation for burglary, but that case did not involve family violence.
Last May 26, McCoy pleaded guilty to violation of a temporary protective order and was put on probation for a year and ordered to have no contact with the victim.
McCoy pleaded guilty last Sept. 8 to disorderly conduct and was sentenced to 23 days of confinement and 12 months probation.
Then on Dec. 8, McCoy pleaded no contest to family violence battery, disorderly conduct and criminal trespass. He was sentenced to 14 days in jail and two years probation.
He was ordered on Dec. 21 to undergo a mental health evaluation.
He also was told he could have no contact with the victim, a different woman, and to attend 12 anger management classes.
His last previous arrest was on Jan. 8 on a criminal trespass charge. Court records show McCoy pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 12 months probation. He also was sentenced to jail time but received credit for the 67 days and was released on March 16, the day he enter the plea.

McCoy clearly did not fear arrest again, because he learned in prior arrests that he would get minimal jail time. Instead of putting the burden on the victim to protect herself, it would have been much more effective to hold McCoy accountable for his past uses of violence and his past protective order violations. If he had ever been shown that our legislators and our courts take violations of protective orders seriously and been given real consequences (other than the inconvenience of anger management classes and probation), he might not have violated another protective order and these three people, two of whom were children, would still have their lives.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims' family.

2010 Georgia Fatality Review

2011-03-31T15:29:00.004-04:00

The Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Georgia Commission on Family Violence just released the 2010 Georgia Domestic Violence Fatality Review.

The goal of the Fatality Review Project is to reduce domestic violence-related fatalities using information learned about past fatalities. The annual reports, though diverse in design, contain researched findings regarding carefully selected fatalities that meet review criteria. Whether you are a front line responder, part of the justice system, advocate or family or friend of someone impacted by domestic violence, the reports seek to provide information that might be used to prevent a domestic violence homicide.

In its 7th year, there are a few major gaps identified by the Project:

Georgia’s DV victim services programs turned away 2,6362 victims (including children) who requested shelter in 2010, because of a lack of accommodations.

Only 19% of victims in fatalities reviewed since 2004 were connected with DV emergency shelter programs.

Law enforcement bears much of the burden of intervention in DV cases, yet their incident-based response is sometimes a poor fit for the pattern-based abuse that defines much DV. An estimated 55% to 85% of 911 calls relayed to Georgia law enforcement are DV related.3 In 2009, domestic incidents accounted for 24% of the 49 firearm-related line-of-duty deaths for U.S. officers. Still, specialized training in DV is a rarity in many jurisdictions in Georgia. Escalated hazards plus the lack of specialized training and support compromise first responders’ capacity to make victim safety a first priority.

Calling law enforcement may result in criminal charges, lost family income, escalated violence, and possibly no relief of the victim’s suffering.

While prosecutors understandably prefer clear-cut cases in which the survivor definitively leaves the relationship and agrees to testify fully against the abuser, many DV cases are intrinsically legally problematic. Some DV victims’ sense of self may be damaged from years of abuse, their self-efficacy compromised, their internal and external resources and support networks exhausted, their loyalties confused, and they may not want their relationship to end. Other victims may not be confused at all: they may have come to a clear-eyed and entirely rational understanding that their abuser will kill them if they take steps to leave, separate, or testify against him. Indeed, our research has shown consistently that women in Georgia are most likely to be killed when taking steps to separate from their abusive partner. Survivors in these circumstances may frustrate the system by appearing confused, belligerent, cowed, or uncooperative with prosecutors and others genuinely concerned with protecting victims. Our legal response best serves a certain, resourceful, and ideal victim, anxious to terminate her relationship with the abuser. This sort of victim rarely exists.

Most DV victims work outside of the home, and a considerable amount of DV occurs in and around the workplace, but few employers have DV policies, are trained to spot signs and symptoms, or can safely refer victims to help.

Teens receive little if any information on safe dating or DV resources at school; even if they are alert to DV or stalking, they cannot apply for protective orders without assistance from an adult.

We encourage you to view the entire document. There are specific sections focusing on teen dating violence and faith community responses to family violence, and there are even tip sheets in the back that you can use or tear out and pass along.

Possible DV Homicide in College Park

2011-03-28T12:25:00.003-04:00

A 21-year-old College Park woman was found shot to death Sunday morning. We have little information at this time, but police are looking for the father of the victim, Sade Danmola's, infant child.

Anyone with information on 31-year-old Eric Robius Austin is asked to call Detective Brian Eden at 404-761-3131.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Danmola family.

We Have to Learn

2011-03-24T11:25:00.004-04:00

Imagine that, we get to talk about Chris Brown again. It's almost as if he hasn't learned a thing.

In case you haven't heard, Chris Brown was on Good Morning American yesterday and they had the unmitigated gall to ask him questions about what he did to Rihanna. Why can't they just forgive him and move on already? /sarcasm

Instead of reacting like someone who decided to learn from his mistakes and take his court-ordered anger management classes to heart, he has a violent outburst, smashes a window, and storms out of the interview. He did this immediately after saying, about his assault on Rihanna, "It's not really a big deal to me now, as far as that situation. I think I'm past that in my life."

ABC news reports that he proceeded to perform as promised after the interview, but once back-stage he stormed into his dressing room and started screaming and tearing the room apart. This doesn't sound like someone who has moved past his use of violence.

People can change. Batterers can change. We have seen it, but they have to want it. They have to have a compelling reason to change their behavior. Some men resolve to make changes in themselves because they face imprisonment, others because they don't want to lose their wife or partner, and many do so for the good of their children. But, unfortunately, the percentage of men who want to make those changes, and are thus successful in doing so, is small, and Chris Brown doesn't appear to be one of them. He probably will never be until we give him a good reason. People didn't stop buying his albums or going to his concerts. Television outlets still grant him interviews. Until we are willing to hold him and other celebrities like them accountable for their violence in a way that forces them to pay attention - like in their wallets - they almost literally have nothing to lose when they beat a woman again. And believe us, they will.

Valdosta Man Charged with Wife's Death

2011-03-22T11:17:00.000-04:00

Murder charges were filed Monday against a Lowndes County man in the strangling death of his wife.

The case began last week when the Pendletons’ adult children reported their mother missing. She had been missing for several days when the missing person’s report was filed on Wednesday, March 16.
William Pendleton and his Camaro had been missing since Wednesday when one of his grown children told him she planned to report Lynn Renee Pendleton missing, according to authorities. He reportedly said he would meet his daughter at the Lowndes County Sheriff’s Office, but he never arrived.
Late Thursday night, authorities searched the Pendletons’ 5662 Scruggs Circle residence. Outside, investigators reportedly discovered what appeared to be paving like a recently installed patio in the back yard, according to sources.
The body was reportedly discovered beneath the paving in a two-and-a-half-foot hole.
With help from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation’s Crime Scene Unit, the body was recovered from the ground at approximately 2 a.m. Friday. Authorities were not certain how long she had been buried at the site. Preliminary autopsy reports listed her cause of death as strangulation, according to the Lowndes County Sheriff’s Office.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Pendleton family.

What We're Willing to Overlook

2011-03-21T18:58:00.000-04:00

John Rosemond is a parenting advice columnist for the Columbia Tribune. A few weeks ago, he responded to a mother concerned that her daughter's boyfriend constantly puts her down. His advice was so off the mark that even one of his colleagues at the Tribune called him out.

For those of you who missed the column, (and don't want to follow the link), the basic story is that the mother of a 19-year-old girl wrote in asking for advice regarding her daughter's boyfriend, who although devoid of icky habits like smoking and partying, never misses the chance to put her down, dismiss her accomplishments or mock her. Dr. Rosemond's suggestion to the mother was to overlook this one "annoying habit" and do everything she can to keep him around. After all, he states, " The likelihood of her finding another boy her age who has a coherent plan for the future ... is slim."
So in a nutshell, parents, let's not worry about how our children's boyfriends or girlfriends TREAT them, as long as they don't smoke, plan on getting a job and haven't ever been in prison. Is this for real? Is he actually excusing this young man for being a jerk because he aspires to be something other than a Wilco groupie? I think America's young people might want to set the bar a tad higher.
The disturbing part of this whole thing is that Rosemond is supposed to be an informed professional. He's a psychologist as well as a father himself and has been writing books, giving lectures and fielding inquiries for many years. Yet, he failed to take this opportunity to help this mother and this girl (as well as his readers) to realize this is a case of emotional abuse.

Just because a teen isn't experiencing or using physical violence, that doesn't mean their relationship isn't a problem. Put-downs and other tactics that one person in a relationship uses to hurt the other are also abusive. Most often, emotionally abusive tactics are used to make the victim feel bad about herself, convincing her that no one else will want her. Once the abuser feels certain that she won't leave him, physical abuse often follows. Even if there is never physical abuse, emotional abuse should be taken seriously, because everyone deserves to feel valued and respected in a relationship. If you fear that your teen is experiencing or perpetrating emotional abuse, don't overlook it. It can be stopped and our kids deserve better.

Leesburg GA Man Admits to Murdering Wife

2011-03-17T16:35:00.010-04:00

A Leesburg, GA man admitted to murdering his wife on Monday.

[Police] Chief Charles Moore says Anthony Scott shot his wife Cathy Scott four times.
Police were called to a shooting at a home near the corner Old Smithville Road and River Road around 7 o'clock Monday night.
"According to some of the neighbors, they were out in the yard and they heard a lady scream and heard a gunshot. That's when someone called 911 and said they heard gunshots in the area," said Leesburg Police Chief Charles Moore.
Arriving officers found Cathy Scott lying on the carport suffering from gunshot wounds to her head, chest, and stomach. Her husband, Anthony, was sitting in a chair on the same carport where she laid dying.
"It's rare. I can't remember the last time Leesburg had something like this," Moore said.
Cathy Scott was alive when paramedics arrived. They rushed her to Phoebe Putney Hospital where she later died. Investigators say Anthony Scott told them he also stabbed her with a screw driver.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Scott family.

Action Alert

2011-03-16T16:46:00.002-04:00

We received the following action alert from the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

We are in the final stretch of the budget process in the Georgia Legislature, so this is likely our LAST CHANCE to advocate on the funding issue. We need you to make calls to key legislators to ensure funding for domestic violence programs!

Unfortunately, the House Subcommittee on Human Services DID NOT restore any of the $3.7 million in state funding for domestic violence programs in their FY 2012 budget recommendation. However, there is still one last chance to get these funds restored in the FY 2012 budget as long as the Senate Subcommittee on Human Services includes it in their budget recommendation.

The Senate Subcommittee will be making its final budget recommendations within the coming days, so it is essential that these Senators hear from as many advocates and allies as possible.

Please take the time this week and early next week to call each of the Senate Subcommittee members and urge them to restore all $3.7 million in unrestricted state funds which are not being used for TANF MOE to Georgia's domestic violence programs in the Fiscal Year 2012 budget.

This is incredibly important. Women's Resource Center is large enough that we can find other funding sources to support our clients not covered by TANF (for example, DV survivors who don't have children), but other smaller shelters in the state cannot. Also, WRC as well as these smaller organizations rely on state funds for general operating, and TANF funds may not be able to be used for overhead. Visit GCADV's action alert via this link for a suggested script and a list of Senators to call.

Building a Story

2011-03-11T16:36:00.008-05:00

This week, we've had an incredibly unfortunate lesson in the way our society views violence against women. On Monday, March 7th, both the Houston Chronicle and the New York Times published articles about a horrific tragedy. An 11-year-old girl was gang raped in late November in Cleveland, TX by a group of 17 or 18 men and boys, some of whom took video of the assaults and distributed the videos to others. The two articles agree on the facts, but are incredibly different in the stories that they tell.

The Houston Chronicle tells the story of a terrified little girl who has been placed in a safe house for her protection and a family who misses her desperately. It also tells the story of a community who, rather than rallying behind the victim, has placed that 11-year-old victim and her family in fear of retribution for seeking justice against her attackers.

The New York Times tells the story of a community who is devastated by horrible allegations made by an unsupervised girl who dressed above her age and the young men whose lives will never be the same.

Do we see the difference?

This is a 11-year-old girl who has been traumatized. We have determined in this country that children are not capable of consenting to any sexual act and therefore all sexual acts involving those children are, by their very nature, rape. Never mind the fact that it is unfathomable that an 11-year-old child would consent to sex with 19 boys and men ranging from middle school-aged to late-twenties. Yet the Times overloaded their story with quotes from community members concerned with how the alleged rapists will have to live with this tragedy for the rest of their lives. In that story, the victim has all but disappeared.

It is tragic that so many members of the community have centered their concern on the alleged rapists, showing little or no empathy for the victim. The Chronicle told that story, just as the Times did, but they were able to highlight the tragedy of such a response, without causing the piece to come off as a long diatribe of victim-blame. Language is import. How a story is framed is important. Rarely do we have this kind of opportunity to see how important these things can be.

The New York Times failed with this story. They concentrated on blaming the victim, blaming the victim's mother, and lamenting how good, upstanding boys could be "drawn into" something like this. It almost seems like a story meant to make us empathize with gang rapists, rather than with rape victims. And yet, isn't that how we are invited to view violence against women anyway? We ask why she stays. We ask why she never called the police, or filed a restraining order. We wonder what she did to provoke him. And, just like the Times, we barely take a minute to acknowledge the fact that a woman was beaten and traumatized and that a man (or men) made the choice to conflict that violent trauma.

In writing about the tragedy, Uptown Notes challenges us to rethink the way we talk to boys about what it means to be a man.

Anytime one thinks about adolescents or children, the role of peer group looms large. As an adolescent I knew which friends had access to “adult materials” and also which friends or family were having (or so I thought) sex so they could tell me what I wanted to know. It was in this private context that I was taught about “running trains.” For those not familiar, that’s a colloquial reference to multiple men having sex with a single woman in succession. I was taught that if you found a real freak, everybody could participate. When I heard Snoop’s album and they sang, “It ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none” that was my reference and the image that came to mind. I was casually socialized into thinking that there was no gang rape, instead there were only gang bangs. Whether it’s Kid Cudi saying “me first” on I Poke Her Face or Wale ending his verse referencing “a train” on No Hands, our boys continue to learn gang rape is just a casual part of partying and growing up.
Some scholars estimate that between 10 to 33 percent of sexual assaults are multiple assailant (gang rape). Psychologically most common to these occurrences is an emphasis on power, displaying heterosexuality to other men, and drifting – where people commit crime that they may not agree with following others in a group. In short, gang rape is a group problem that makes clear we have to collectively change how we think about what it means to be a man and the role of power in our lives. At the core of the heinous act is often an attempt to validate one’s masculinity to others. Non-participation could mean being pushed out of the group or being “outed” (read: labeled as gay and this ‘not a real man’). If we don’t teach our boys to think differently about what it means to be a man, we will continue to be plagued by this issue.
This however is not simply an issue of peers. I can recall uncles saying, “you ain’t no real man till you’ve had some” or have seen parents questioning if children “have sugar in the tank” in attempts to legislate what it means to be “a real man.” When you couple these types of messages with misinformed sexual commentary, it creates a dangerous brew. As we are teaching boys about their journey into manhood, we often start with the ideas of power and control. I can’t recall how many times I’ve been in households where a 10 year old is referred to as “the man of the house” and told to “protect his mother and sisters” (I’m not even going into family structure here, just bear with me). This gives boys the idea, from an early age, that manhood is about power over women and about protect of girls and women from dangers. What if we pushed our boys to think about power sharing with girls and women? What if we restructured journeys into manhood to emphasize that best qualities of adults are neither masculine or feminine, they transcend both? What if we actually began to listen to our kids and talk to our kids about what we want our communities to look like? What if we envisioned spaces that were safe for girls and boys and women and men?

That's exactly what we've said all along. Men will never stop battering, or using any form of violence against women, until others that they respect tell them that such violence is unacceptable. If parents start young, teachers reinforce, and peers hold their friends accountable, then there is hope. But if we keep teaching boys the same lessons we have always taught about becoming a man, that real manhood involves having power over women, nothing is ever going to change.

The Problem with Charlie Sheen

2011-03-10T18:18:00.009-05:00

In case you haven't noticed, Charlie Sheen has been in the news and he is America's new sweetheart. Thousands of people follow him on Twitter and watch his webcast to see what outlandish thing he'll say next. Television programs are scrambling to book him as a guest to see their ratings soar. "Winning!" is our country's newest catch phrase. But what we as a nation seem to have forgotten in all of our voyeuristic pleasure are the women at whose expense Sheen is having his fun.

Sady Doyle at Global Comment writes about what she calls Sheen's three faces. The first is Sheen the comedian, whom we can't help but follow. Second is Sheen the tragedy, a man who has lost his job, his family, his health, and his self-control. But third, the reason for so much loss, is why WRC is paying attention.

And then, there is the third, most troubling Sheen: The violent misogynist and abuser, who preys on the most vulnerable women he can find, and gets away with it. Choire Sicha of The Awl refers to him as a “very ill and somewhat frightening monster.” David Carr, in The New York Times, points out that the reports of domestic abuse during his Two and a Half Men tenure were ignored; it was all right to shoot ex-fiancée Kelly Preston, but dissing Chuck Lorre was a firing offense. Anna Holmes, in an excellent article for the NYT, points out that the women Sheen has terrorized — sex workers, starlets and non-celebrities who lack Sheen’s power within Hollywood — are the sort of women most likely to be blamed for the violence against them, and therefore the least likely to pose a problem for Sheen.

Yes, Sheen has three faces, but most of us are willing to ignore two of them. We don't want to recognize that Sheen is a sick, sad man. Why? Doyle argues it is because he is acting like we expect men to act.

Americans have a soft spot for hyper-masculine characters, especially in comedy. Think of Barney on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother, who insists on wearing a suit at all times, compulsively seduces and discards “bimbos,” and has penned a “Playbook” of lies for tricking women into sex. Think of Ron Swanson on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, who loves woodworking, red meat and capitalism, and frequently rails against the “b**ches” he’s divorced and the evils of big government (or any government; in his ideal America, there would be one government employee, and his only job would be “deciding who to nuke”). Or think of “Charlie” on Two and a Half Men, an alcoholic and womanizer who, in the words of his Wikipedia page, “lives a life of carefree debauchery.”

But if this sort of behavior is confined to our TV sets, where it is managed by writers, it’s fun. We know that we’re meant to laugh, and that the actors are only reading ridiculous lines. Barney is played by Neal Patrick Harris, a gay man, which adds yet another layer of distance. In real life, however, it’s significantly less cuddly. You simply cannot have “traditional” white masculinity without an equally “traditional” denigration of women and less privileged people. In real life, Ron Swanson['s] . . . violent hatred of “b**ches” he’s married would be disturbing. In real life, Barney’s lack of respect for the women he sleeps with — along with the fact that almost every single one of his sexual encounters is based upon deceiving the woman — would render him creepy, even dangerous. In real life, Charlie… well.
But it’s why we can laugh at Sheen, or even have compassion for him without acknowledging the harm he does to others. His statements have more in common with Chuck Norris Facts than with popular ideas about addiction or misogyny. Ron Swanson promises to turn his disciples “from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons;” it’s not far removed from being on a drug called “Charlie Sheen.” When Barney is sad, he says, “I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” Sheen insists that he’s too awesome to feel sorrow for any of his losses: “Aren’t there moments where a guy, like, crashes, like, in the corner, like, ‘Oh my God, it’s all my mom’s fault’? Shut up. Shut up! Stop! Move forward.”
And we listen, and we laugh, because this sort of hyperbolic, self-aggrandizing macho is familiar. Charlie Sheen the tragedy, Charlie Sheen the criminal, Charlie Sheen the misogynist: They’re all easily subsumed into Charlie Sheen the Exceedingly Masculine. And, since the dark undertones and tragic consequences of this behavior are minimized by fiction, it’s easy to pretend they don’t exist in life. Sheen himself is apparently profiting from his downward spiral; his Twitter feed is sponsored by Ad.ly, which gives him significant money for product placements. If he’s doing this on purpose, it’s working; if not, who cares? The laughs keep coming.

Let's just hope we don't keep laughing until he kills someone, or himself.

Father, Son Deaths Called Murder Suicide

2011-03-10T16:41:00.003-05:00

The deaths of a Murray County, Georgia man and his son have been ruled a murder-suicide. The Dalton Daily-Citizen reports:

Murray County Sheriff Howard Ensley said investigators found a hose connected to the exhaust pipe that was run into the interior of the 1984 Corvette where he discovered the bodies of David Wayne Graham, 39, and his son, Easton Blayde Graham, 3, early Tuesday morning.

The article makes no mention of the child's mother. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Graham family.

Mel Gibson Update

2011-03-09T18:02:00.004-05:00

Mel Gibson is expected to appear in court on Friday and plead no contest to simple battery. He will probably avoid jail time altogether.

Of course he will.

The Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that, of total calls to the police for family violence in our state, only 40% are prosecuted, and half of those are dismissed or pled down. That means that less than 20% of men in Georgia who batter their partners will ever see a day in jail. Since most women never call the police, it is probably significantly less than 20%. When did all batterers start getting the star treatment?

More in Victim Blaming

2011-03-08T16:55:00.000-05:00

A Fox News reporter wonders if a woman beaten into a coma over a parking space deserved it?

Short answer: no.

Large answer: see every other blog post we have written.

More About Reproductive Coercion

2011-03-07T16:19:00.002-05:00

Last month, what may be the first national survey to determine the extent of a form of abuse called “reproductive coercion” was released by the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the Family Violence Prevention Fund. The survey found that 25% of callers to the National Domestic Violence Hotline reported that they had experienced this form of domestic and dating violence.

Reproductive coercion is defined as threats or acts of violence against a partner’s reproductive health or reproductive decision-making. It includes forced sex, a male partner pressuring a woman to become pregnant against her will and interference with the use of birth control. The women who reported this form of abuse said that their male partners either would not allow them to use birth control or sabotaged their birth control method (such as poking holes in condoms or flushing pills down the toilet). Some of the women said they had to hide their birth control.

“Birth control sabotage is a serious form of control that leads to unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections,“ said Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler. “While there is a cultural assumption that some women use pregnancy as a way to trap their partner in a relationship, this survey shows that men who are abusive will sabotage their partner’s birth control and pressure them to become pregnant as a way to trap or control their partner.” (In the words of one caller, “keep me in his life forever…”)

More than 3,000 callers participated in the survey by answering all or some of four questions between August 16 and September 26, 2010. Callers’ ages ranged from 13 to over 55, with nearly 40% age 25 to 35. More than half of the callers were Caucasian, and nearly one quarter were African-American, and 17% were Hispanic. Callers who were in immediate danger were not asked to participate in the study.

For those who did participate in the study, patterns included pressure to become pregnant early in the relationship or before the victim felt ready and, in some cases, pressure to become pregnant followed by pressure to have an abortion.

Women's Resource Center regularly hears from women who are experiencing this form of abuse and are now living with the consequences. These effects often include having a number of children that impedes her economic mobility. We are glad that to have studies that support the anecdotal evidence we can provide as we attempt to design responses that deal with reproductive coercion.

Possible Teen Dating Violence Murder

2011-03-02T16:14:00.000-05:00

We're a little late on this one, but the Augusta Chronicle has reported what may be another teen dating violence murder, this one involving two 14-year-olds.

[Lacy Aaron] Schmidt initially told police that he found Alana [Callahan]'s body while chasing away an intruder. He later confessed to shooting her but said it was an accident.

The Harlem Middle School eighth-grader was shot from behind as she sat at a computer in the dining room, according to police. She was dragged outside, across the backyard and into the woods.

Authorities said Alana was shot with the same type of 9 mm semiautomatic pistol owned by her father.

That gun was missing after the shooting. Deputies found it beneath a sink at Schmidt's home, a prosecutor said.

Betty Jo Calahan, Alana's mother, has said that Schmidt and her daughter were friends and that he often visited her.

"He went over there every night, just about, and ate supper," said Schmidt's sister and guardian, Dianna Chitty, as she pleaded with the judge to grant bond.

We will keep you posted as the story develops. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Callahan family.

"Secure Communities" Threatens DV Victims with Deportation

2011-02-28T15:54:00.001-05:00

Advocacy agencies are raising serious concerns about the Department of Homeland Security's "Secure Communities" program. Many agencies are going so far as to tell undocumented victims of domestic violence never to call the police, because they risk being deported themselves.

Designed to identify and deport dangerous, undocumented immigrants with a criminal history, Secure Communities has removed about 58,300 convicts from the United States since its pilot launch in late 2008, according to ICE.

But 28 percent of the people transferred to ICE custody under Secure Communities from October 2008 through June 2010 were non-criminals, according to ICE figures. Some of the detained people--an unknown number--are victims of domestic and sexual violence.

While federal law protects crime victims from having to reveal their immigration status, if these victims are arrested or have been arrested in the past Secure Communities now discloses that.

This can affect victims in a scenario where a police officer arrives at the home and can't communicate with the couple. Police may arrest both parties or even arrest the victim if the abuser speaks English and twists the series of events that led to the police call.

Victims are also subject to "revenge arrests," when abusers call the police and accuse them of perpetuating the violence.

"The man says, 'Look she scratched me, I didn't do anything.' So the woman gets arrested and if undocumented, she gets reported to ICE," Neugebaeur said. "How can I as a lawyer say now in good conscience, free and clear, 'Don't worry about anything, call the police,' because if you call the police, you can be reported to immigration services."

Several Georgia counties are already enrolled in the program, including all 5 in metro Atlanta, and the entire state will be enrolled by the end of 2012. We hate to have to say so, but if you are undocumented or are counseling a someone impacted by domestic violence who is undocumented, consider the risk of deportation before you reach out to the police. If you choose not to call 911, please get to a safe place and then contact your local domestic violence safehouse. In Atlanta: (404) 688-9436. In Georgia: (800) 33-HAVEN. Elsewhere: (800) 799-SAFE.

15-year-old Shoots, Kills Girlfriend

2011-02-24T13:43:00.003-05:00

The AJC reports that a 15-year-old Clayton County boy confessed to shooting and killing his 16-year-old girlfriend.

Police received a chilling phone call late Monday afternoon from a 15-year-old boy telling them his friend had been shot.

Officers arrived at the scene to find a 16-year-old girl with a fatal gunshot wound to the chest, Clayton police spokeswoman Tina Daniel said. The shooting occurred in a wooded area behind a home in the 4100 block of Dunn Road in Ellenwood.

"There was some sort of argument that ensued and he ended up shooting the 16-year-old," Daniel said. The two high school students apparently were dating.

The 15-year-old confessed to the shooting, Daniel said, and helped lead police to the firearm, which he had dropped in a nearby creek. It was recovered by the Clayton police dive team late Tuesday morning.

The shooter has not been charged but remains in police custody, Daniel said. Because of the nature of the crime, he could be charged as an adult.

A 21-year-old man is also charged with providing the gun to the shooter. This killing comes during Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim's family.

Action Alert: State Funding for DV Services

2011-02-23T11:27:00.003-05:00

The Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence has released the following Action Alert:

Because of YOUR phone calls last week, there are moves in the Georgia Legislature to restore a substantial portion of the state funds to domestic violence and sexual assault programs in the Fiscal Year 2011 Amended budget. This is FANTASTIC news!

However, the key legislators in the budget process need to hear from you THIS WEEK in order to ensure the restoration of these funds!

Please call each of the following State Senators, regardless of whether they serve your district. Thank them for restoring 2.5 million dollars in state funds to domestic violence and sexual assault programs in the Fiscal Year 2011 Amended budget, and urge them to adhere to this position in their budget negotiations.
Senator Jack Hill, Chair of Senate Appropriations – (404) 656-5038

Senator Chip Rogers, Senate Majority Leader – (404) 463-1378

Senator Tommie Williams, President Pro Tempore – (404) 656-0089
Please call each of the following State Representatives, regardless of whether they serve your district, and urge them to adopt the Senate position for the restoration of 2.5 million dollars in state funds to domestic violence and sexual assault programs in the Fiscal Year 2011 Amended budget.
Rep Terry England, Chair of House Appropriations – (404) 463-2245

Rep Jan Jones, Speaker Pro-Tempore – (404) 656-5072

Rep Larry O’Neal, House Majority Leader – (404) 656-5052
Background: The Georgia Senate and the Georgia House of Representatives are currently considering the Governor’s budget proposals for Amended FY 2011 and FY 2012. Included in each of these proposals is the elimination of all $4.5 million in state funds for domestic violence and sexual assault centers. In its deliberations, the Senate Appropriations Committee restored $2.5 million of those state funds. Unfortunately, the House Appropriations Committee did NOT recommend the restoration of these funds. Now, key legislators in the budget process are scheduled to come together early next week to make their final decisions about the FY 2011 Amended budget, based on the recommendations from the Senate and House. In order for this partial restoration of funds to become a reality, these six legislators must adopt the Senate position.

For additional information on how important it is to ensure that state funding be restored, please click here. Please make your calls as soon as possible.

Victim Blaming is Alive and Well

2011-02-22T14:27:00.002-05:00

By now, everyone has probably heard of Laura Logan, whether you were previously aware of her career as a journalist or not. Unfortunately, if you've heard her name recently, it was probably connected to the fact that she was sexually assaulted while covering the revolution in Egypt. You would expect those mentions to be offers of support or condolences for the violence that she experienced. However, way too many people have used this tragedy as a platform to victim-blame.

Journalist Nir Rosen used this as an occasion to complain that Logan will somehow be basking in the attention – as if there's a human alive who wants to be remembered for crime that is basically about humiliating, if not destroying, the victim. (Following an outcry about his remarks, Rosen has resigned his post as a fellow at the New York University centre for law and security.) But another blogger, theblogprof, objectified Logan in an attempt to blame CBS for allowing pretty female journalists to take the important assignments. The Gateway Pundit went the same route, suggesting that the response to sexual assault should be to institute formal discrimination against female journalists, keeping them at home and restricting their possibilities for raises and promotion.

In other words, men use sexual violence to put women in their place, and then a chorus of voices rises to blame women who get attacked for not knowing their place. Sadly, it wasn't just rightwing channels that used this as an opportunity to call for more limits on women's freedoms and opportunity. Simone Wilson of LA Weekly pounced to cast aspersions on Logan's professionalism and to imply she asked for it by taking tough assignments.

As feminists have forever said, sexual violence is a crime of power, committed to control and intimidate women. When people react to sexual assault and rape by suggesting women brought it on themselves, they finish the job the attacker started. It's sad to say that the assault on Lara Logan didn't end when she was rescued in Egypt, and to note that it's now being expanded as an assault on all women who have ambitions, or who are willing to be out in public while looking attractive.

One site is running an opinion poll that asks the question outright: Is Laura Logan to blame for her sexual assault? Over 500 people like it on Facebook.

Even if they are not victim blaming, many others are using this assault to attack Muslims or Egyptians, as if sexual assault isn't perpetrated by those professing to be Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or of another faith in the US.

In her otherwise good response to this tragedy, the Washington Post's Alexandra Petri does regrettably also give the "us v them" narrative some juice, arguing that in the United States, unlike Egypt, women can walk the streets "unmolested". But the very website she uses correctly to identify the problem of street harassment in Egypt also has studies that show up to 100% of American women suffer street harassment, as well. It's not uncommon in the US for groups of men to take jubilatory occasions and crowds as permission to sexually assault and rape women, either. Such attacks occur at college parties, high school dances and rock concerts, usually with a crowd of onlookers who don't intervene, as happened with Logan until the army and a group of women saved her.

What we should be doing, besides supporting Laura Logan and perhaps making a contribution in her name to a group that fights violence against women, is blaming those who perpetrate sexual assault and other forms of gender-based violence and the cultures that spawn them. Those people, and cultures, can be found right here in our own neighborhoods.

Albany Marine Accused of Killing Wife

2011-02-21T12:00:00.000-05:00

WALB in Albany reports that a local Marine stands accused of killing his wife.

Our cameras were there Sunday morning as officers handcuffed 25-year old Sergeant James Eppler outside his West Gordon Avenue home.

Officials say around 1:30 a.m. he and his wife 23-year old Natalie Eppler were arguing, Sergeant Eppler pulled a gun and shot her in the head.

She was taken to Phoebe Putney Hospital where she later died. Eppler is charged with Murder, Aggravated Assault and Possession of a Firearm during the commission of a crime.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Eppler family.

Police: Father Kills Children During Custody Dispute

2011-02-15T12:29:00.003-05:00

The AJC reports that a father is accused of killing two of his children and wounding another while involved in a custody dispute with their mother. He tried to blame the killings on the mother's new boyfriend.

Police arrested Noe-Garcia Saturday morning and charged him with two counts of murder and one count of aggravated assault. Police did not know whether he had a lawyer.

Three-year-old Bradley Garcia and 1-year-old Edward Garcia were found stabbed to death in the home. Bradley's twin brother was hospitalized with stab wounds.

Police arrested 28-year-old Antonio Cardenas-Rico shortly after the attack and charged him with murder and assault, based on Noe-Garcia's accusations. But they quickly noticed discrepancies between Noe-Garcia's statement, the evidence and Cardenas-Rico's alibi.

After spending hours recreating the scene, examining the evidence and re-interviewing witnesses, police arrested Noe-Garcia.

Authorities have dropped the murder and assault charges against Cardenas-Rico, but he remains in custody on a charge of possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.

Batterers often use court processes surrounding custody and visitation to further harass and intimidate their victims. Unfortunately, some batterers will take their intent to hurt their victim to this degree, because the best way to hurt a woman is to hurt her children. If you live in or near Atlanta and are afraid for your safety or the safety of your children during visits or custody exchanges, please contact Nia's Place Supervised Visitation and Exchange Center to learn if our services are right for you.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Garcia family.

V-Day, the Non-Harassing Way

2011-02-14T15:06:00.004-05:00

Valentine's Day is all about love and, for singles, finding your special someone. However, our culture is rife with books and movies that teach us more about how to become a stalker than they do about how to approach someone new with respect to their personal boundaries. Comment is Free has some great tips for how to approach women without being harassing.

Perhaps you think there is no way you could be considered as harassing. Maybe you're just giving someone a compliment or trying to be friendly. Well, consider this:

In one of the first street harassment studies ever conducted, Carol Brooks Gardner, associate professor of sociology and women’s studies at Indiana University, Indianapolis, interviewed 293 women in Indianapolis, Indiana, over several years in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The women were from every race, age, class, and sexual orientation category of the general population in Indiana and the United States. She oversampled women of color to better represent their experiences. Gardner found that every single woman (100 percent) could cite several examples of being harassed by unknown men in public and all but nine of the women classified those experiences as “troublesome.”

In her Comment is Free article, Holly mentions that talking with young men about appropriate stranger interactions in public is especially important.

Society often suggests that in heterosexual relationships, it is men who should approach women. Men's peers, family members and the media may tell them that it is OK, and even flattering, to be aggressive or to sexually objectify women whom they encounter (no matter the men's or women's sexual orientation). I doubt most men want to be harassers, but if they take these messages to heart, they may become harassers.

The most important thing a cisgender man can do to be an ally to women and to the movement to end violence against them is to realize that intent doesn't always matter, and that the way you view a situation through a male lens is often not the same as a woman will view it. If a woman sends you clear signals that she feels harassed, or threatened, don't mock her for overreacting. You will never understand what it feels like to live under the constant threat of violence just because of your gender, so don't presume that you can tell her how she should feel. Instead, learn from her reactions to you and listen to her if she is willing to explain her feelings. After all, the quickest way to a woman's heart is to be part of the solution, not the problem.

Domestic Violence and the "Princess Problem"

2011-02-10T10:16:00.001-05:00

You might think that there is no way in the world that princess culture amongst little girls has anything to do with violence against women as adults, but Hugo Schwyzer at the Good Men Project thinks it does.

Scwyzer, responding to an article in Redbook titled “Little Girls Gone Wild: Why Daughters Are Acting Too Sexy, Too Soon", argues that even princess culture contributes to an earlier and earlier sexualization of girls.

You may balk—what’s sexy about a little girl in a pink princess costume? But sexy, as it turns out, is not the same thing as sexualized. Sexualization is not just imposing sexuality on children before they’re ready and viewing girls as sexual objects, but also valuing a girl for her appearance over her other attributes. “Princesses are just a phase,” Orenstein writes, but they mark a girl’s “first foray into the mainstream culture. … And what was the first thing that culture told her about being a girl? Not that she was competent, strong, creative, or smart, but that every little girl wants—or should want—to be the Fairest of Them All.”

As Orenstein and others point out, little girls take their cues about what is desirable by looking at how boys and men respond to older girls and women. The father who lavishes adoration on “Daddy’s little princess” but ogles high-school cheerleaders is sending his daughter a clear message. The message is that the princess phase won’t last much longer, and if you want to grasp and hold adult male attention, you need to be sexy.

This sexiness has very little to do with sex, and everything to do with the craving for validation and attention. While all children want affirmation, princess culture teaches little girls to get that approval through their looks. Little girls learn quickly what “works” to elicit adoration from mom and dad, as well as from teachers, uncles, aunts, and other adults. Soon—much too soon—they notice that older girls and women get validation for a particular kind of dress, a particular kind of behavior. They watch their fathers’ eyes, they follow their uncles’ gaze. They listen to what these men they love say when they see “hot” young women on television or on the street. And they learn how to be from what they hear and see.

Both articles are worth a full read, because they paint a dangerous picture of how we as a society value women primarily, and in some circles exclusively, for our appearance and not for the myriad of other talents and values that women can bring to table. It is this view of women as not fully human, or not as valuable as men, that empowers men who use violence against women to do so. If a woman is not fully human, is not valuable, or is not worthy of the same respect as men, why is it wrong to treat her accordingly? As parents, we need to raise our kids to believe that men and women are equally valuable and, as peers, we need to hold others accountable for any words or actions that would suggest otherwise. Only after we change these attitudes as a society will violence against women be brought to an end.

Georgia House Bill Addresses Human Trafficking

2011-02-09T14:54:00.001-05:00

On a better note than our last post about the Georgia legislature, a bipartisan group is tackling human trafficking and underage prostitution in our state.

According to the AJC, "House Bill 200 is designed to help law enforcement and prosecutors go after people who traffic in people, especially minors, for sexual servitude."

The proposal increases penalties for the crime to those similar to drug trafficking, with offenders facing up to 20 years in prison for human trafficking and 50 years in prison for trafficking in minors.

The bill also treats those in sexual servitude as victims, not criminals, by offering them recovery under the state crime victims fund and an affirmative defense when coming forward.

“Human trafficking for sexual servitude is one of the most serious criminal problems facing our state,” said Lindsey, R-Atlanta. “[The bill is] designed to make it easier to go after this crime and treat the victims with compassion and give an avenue to get out of the trap that was laid for them.”

Atlanta is a nation-wide hub for human trafficking, and it is nice to see the problem being addressed on a statewide level. The focus on treating women and children who are trafficked and prostituted as victims of their traffickers is also a very welcome change. Though our organization focuses on violence against women by their intimate partners, all forms of gender-based violence are intrinsically linked, and we cannot have freedom from one while others still exists. To learn more, visit the Atlanta Human Trafficking Project.

Guilty Until Proven Victim

2011-02-07T13:57:00.009-05:00

We're used to using and hearing the words "domestic violence victim" and "rape victim", but when does a person become a victim under the law?

According to Georgia State Rep. Bobby Franklin (R-Marietta), a victim should not be called a victim until the person who victimized them is convicted of a crime. Therefore, you cannot be a victim of rape until a person is proven guilty of raping you.

It almost makes sense. After all, in this country, our legal system is meant to assume you are innocent until you are proven to be guilty. Therefore, until a crime is proven to be committed, there is no victim of that crime.

However, the lawmaker in question isn't applying his objection to the word "victim" to every crime. Robbery victims still get to remain victims. Trespassing victims are still victims. According to Representative Franklin, only the victimhood of rape, stalking, obscene telephone contact with a minor, and domestic violence victims should be called into question. We wonder why he chose those specific crimes.

Melissa at Shakesville has a theory.

Could it be because those are the only crimes around which we have narratives about multitudinous false accusations, despite the fact that false reports of sexual violence are lower than false reports of auto theft, and despite the fact that there is a higher threshold for convincing law enforcement to take action on reports of sexual violence and harassment than any other crime, and despite the vanishingly low percentage of reports that go to trial and the minuscule conviction rates?

Could it be because implying that people who report sex crimes and/or harassment are liars is an integral tool and prevalent narrative of the rape culture, which exists to protect rapists—a pretty significant constituency of any politician, since around 12% of men (pdf) have, by their own admission, committed sexual assault or rape, which is certainly much higher than the percentage of the population who commits auto theft, or bank robbery, or fraud?

Georgia ranks 11th in the nation for incidences of forcible rape and 10th in the nation for the number of women killed by men. We cannot afford laws that further stigmatize the reporting and prosecution of crimes against women by assuming that victims are liars. If you think our state congress should concentrate more on protecting women than on men who have been accused of committing a crime, call them and tell them so. Visit congress.org to find your representative.

DV and Other Things That Won't Get You Fired

2011-02-02T10:03:00.002-05:00

According to an article on Gawker this week, the FBI considers domestic violence committed by its employees to be less worthy of a firing than fudging an expense report or shoplifting.

If employees of law enforcement agencies know that committing a violent crime against their spouse won't even get them fired, and we know that batterers who are law enforcement officers are less likely to be arrested, prosecuted, and/or found guilty of domestic violence, there is nothing in place that lets battering cops know that those actions are anything less than perfectly socially acceptable. And if their employers tell them that domestic violence isn't a big deal, even if they aren't batterers themselves, how might your average police officer or sheriff's deputy respond to a DV call?

If our nation's top law enforcement agencies don't take domestic violence seriously, how can we expect local officers to do so?

DV Murder in Cobb County

2011-01-27T16:09:00.000-05:00

According to the AJC, a Cobb County man stands accused of killing his wife and then setting their home on fire.

Cobb County fire Lt. Denell Boyd told the AJC that the fire call came in at 3:05 a.m. Monday, and when firefighters arrived five minutes later, they found the brick ranch house, in the 3500 block of Ponderosa Lane off Powder Springs Road, fully involved in flames.

Later Monday, investigators searched for Michael Rowe, who was located just before 2:30 a.m. Tuesday at the Walmart store on the East-West Connector near Powder Springs, Officer Kathryn Raines said.

Raines said Rowe was spotted by officers in the parking lot, in the 1995 Ford Taurus that police had issued a lookout for on Monday.

Raines said that Rowe put up no resistance, and was answering questions from detectives investigating the death of his wife. At 3 p.m. Tuesday, Michael Rowe was arrested at the Powder Springs police headquarters, according to jail records.

In addition to murder and arson charges, Michael Rowe has been charged with aggravated assault. He was booked into the Cobb County jail, where he was being held without bond, Raines said.

Investigators have not yet released the cause of death.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Rowe family.

Loganville Man Suspected in Possible Murder Suicide

2011-01-26T15:17:00.000-05:00

Online Athens reports that a Loganville man is suspected to have killed his wife, then possibly himself.

Robert Cook, 52, was staying with his ex-wife, Judy Clay, 60, in Loganville when the two fought and Cook strangled her with an electrical cord, said Walton County Sheriff Joe Chapman.

Authorities found Cook's body first, however. Greene County sheriff's deputies found Cook's remains Jan. 9 and asked Walton County deputies to notify his ex-wife, said Walton County Capt. Chris Cannon.

When deputies arrived at Clay's Walton County home about noon, they found her body inside, Cannon said.

Both deaths still are under investigation, and deputies are waiting on complete autopsy reports, he said.

Investigators don't know whether Cook took his own life on purpose or died accidentally, but he did take some drugs and alcohol, Cannon said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Clay family.

DeKalb Murder, Attempted Suicide

2011-01-25T11:55:00.000-05:00

A DeKalb County man allegedly stabbed his wife to death and then attempted suicide by poison. From the AJC:

The couple, whose names were being withheld until relatives could be notified, lived in an East Club Drive apartment, Mekka Parish, spokeswoman for DeKalb police, told the AJC.

A maintenance worker responding to an alarm found the couple inside their apartment Sunday in the Lenox Summit complex, Parish said. No one else was in the apartment at the time, she said.

Investigators believe the man fatally stabbed the woman and intended to kill himself, Parish said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim's family.