Explanations to Our Daughters

Because of the recent birth of his daughter Blue Ivy with wife Beyonce, the Internet has been buzzing with rumors that Jay-Z will stop using the word "b---h" in his music. They seem to be just rumors, but they would also make sense. How can men with daughters justify using derogatory words to describe women, no matter their line of work?

You may not think it is that big of a deal or that the word has become so common that it has lost much of its meaning. Well, Dawn Turner-Trice from the Chicago Tribune decided to ask teens girls what they think of the rumors. Check out what these girls between the ages of 13 and 17 have to say.

Quick Links

We have two quick links for you today:

Our partner organization Men Stopping Violence tipped us off to this great article at the Huffington Post entitled "Fathers Can Stop Violence, Too". We encourage you to read the whole thing.

Also, in a moment of self-promotion, we wanted to invite you to find us on facebook. Our fan list is growing strong, and we'd like our Facebook friends to become blog readers and our blog readers to become Facebook fans. You'll receive information and updates on our local work that you can connect back to our posts. Thanks!

Campaign in England Targets Abusive Attitudes

A new education campaign in Wales is taking on the same challenge as this blog: trying to help the public connect every day behaviors that are demeaning to or dismissive of women to a culture that perpetuates violence against those women.

A TV advert shows "abusive" behaviour towards a woman, including being leered at and enduring sexist comments.

Social Justice Minister Carl Sargeant said while that could seem harmless to men, women can feel threatened.

Welsh Women's Aid said tackling "widespread social attitudes" was crucial.

The advert shows a gang of men in a van sounding their horn and gesturing at the woman in the street, a male office colleague ogling her, and two strangers in a bar making suggestive remarks as she passes.

The video ends with her being followed down a dark street by another man, with the headline One Step Too Far.

It then asks: "To you it's nothing, but it all adds up. Where does 'harmless' end and 'abusive' begin?"

The Welsh Assembly Government said the campaign aimed to "stamp out unacceptable attitudes and behaviour towards women before it leads to more violent forms of abuse".

Mr Sargeant said: "Whilst the odd comment or gesture may seem harmless enough, to the woman on the receiving end they can feel threatening and abusive.

"Any behaviour that intimidates a woman should not be tolerated. If the campaign makes people stop and think then it will have served its purpose."

Campaigners say social attitudes towards woman must be challenged Paula Hardy, chief executive of Welsh Women's Aid, said the campaign linked "everyday behaviours which demean women (and the attitudes underlying these behaviours) with the epidemic social problem of violence against women.

"The link is essentially gender inequality - which the assembly government now recognises as both a cause and a consequence of violence against women."

Click through to the BBC here to watch the ad.

Griffin Man Kills Wife and Stepdaughter

A Griffin, GA man killed his wife and 19-year-old stepdaughter last night, one week after being served with divorce papers.

Friends and loved ones of a slain Griffin mother and daughter mourned their loss Monday night, as police continued to search for the husband and stepfather believed to have killed them.

The double shooting Monday afternoon marked the third and fourth murders this month in Griffin, where last year there was only one homicide, police said.

While police hunting Monday night for 49-year-old Kenneth Baker considered him to be armed and dangerous, those who knew Lynnale Baker, 38, and her 19-year-old daughter ShaeLinda Sanders said they were well-loved.

Monday afternoon, police say they received a call reporting the shootings.

Just after 1 p.m. Monday, Kenneth Baker phoned in what he had done to a family member.

"He told a relative he had killed his wife and stepdaughter," Griffin police chief Frank Strickland told the AJC.

Officers arrived at the home in the 100 block of Waterford Way and found Lynnale Baker and Sanders both shot to death at their home.

Strickland said Lynnale Baker had served her husband with divorce papers just a week ago. Shaelinda was about to graduate later this month from Griffin High School.

But Pattillo said domestic trouble had been brewing much longer.

"Ms. Lynnale was going to leave him last year, and he promised he would change," Patillo said.

We cannot emphasize enough the importance of having a plan when ending a violent relationship. There are many good reasons why women stay in abusive relationships, and fear that the violence will escalate if she tries to leave is high on that list. In fact, the most dangerous times in a violent relationship are pregnancy and when the relationship is ending. It is vitally important that women have a safe place to stay when they leave and have someone with whom to explore all of their rights and options. If you would like to plan to leave an abusive relationship, please call us at 404-370-7670. Outside metro Atlanta you can call 1-800-33-HAVEN. Outside Georgia, call 1-800-799-SAFE.

As always, our thoughts and prayers are with the victims' family.

Men Who Batter Think You Do, Too!

Men who engage in domestic violence consistently overestimate how common such behavior is, and the more they overestimate, the more they engage in abusing their partner.

“Men who engage in violent behavior justify it in their mind by thinking it is more common and saying, ‘Most guys slap their women around so it is okay to engage in it.’ Or it could be that misperceptions about violence cause the behavior.”

Neighbors says these men overestimated by two to three times the actual rates of seven behaviors ranging from throwing something at a partner to rape. Details of the study will be published in the journal Violence Against Women.

“Another way of looking at this would be wearing a red shirt. If you think everyone is wearing a red shirt then it is okay for you to wear one too. Or if you wear a red shirt you might overestimate the number of other people who are wearing red shirts,” he explains.

The work is the first to document overestimation of intimate partner violence by batterers and is consistent with findings about a variety of other harmful behaviors such as substance use, gambling, and eating disorders. This line of research looks at social norms, or what is considered to be appropriate and inappropriate behavior in society.

“Social norms theory suggests that people act in a way that they believe is consistent with what the average person does,” adds Denise Walker, research professor of social work and co-director of the Innovative Programs Research Group.

The research looked at 124 men who were enrolled in a larger treatment intervention study for domestic violence. The men, all of whom had participated in violence against a partner in the previous 90 days, were asked to estimate the percentage of men who had ever engaged in seven forms of abuse.

These included throwing something at a partner that could hurt; pushing, grabbing, or shoving a partner; slapping or hitting; choking; beating up a partner; threatening a partner with a gun; and forcing a partner have sex when they did not want to.

Data on the percentage of men who actually engaged in these abusive behaviors were drawn from the National Violence Against Women Survey, funded by the National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In every case the men vastly overestimated the actual instances of abuse. For example, the participants on average thought 27.6 percent of men had thrown something with the intent of hurting a partner while the actual number is 11.9 percent. Similarly, they believed 23.6 percent of men had forced their partner to have sex involuntary compared to 7.9 percent in reality.

“With sexual assault the more a man thought it was prevalent the more likely he was to engage in such behavior. If we can correct misperceptions about the prevalence of intimate partner violence, we have a chance to change men’s behavior. If you give them factual information it is harder for them to justify their behavior,” Neighbors says

That is the major role that men can play in the movement to end violence against women: making sure that other men know that domestic violence is not OK. Men have influence over one another in a way that women don't. We need men to speak to their friends, relatives, colleagues, fellow church members, etc. and let them know that there will be a social stigma surrounding battering. If men hold other men socially and politically accountable for battering, there will be a lot less battering. We've known that for years.

Emory University Models Campus Prevention

Emory University provides a great example of how dating and domestic violence can be addressed on colleges campuses, both with students and within education so that students leave with a model for addressing violence in their careers. A WRC board member, Dr. Sheryl Heron, co-chairs Emory's Intimate Partner Violence Working Group.

The IPV working group partners with the Center for Women, the Sexual Assault Prevention Office, the Emory Counseling Center, Pastoral Counseling Service and the Emory Police Department, and its members draw from these organizations and more.

“Our goal is to create a collaborative group so that we can support one another on some of the efforts,” [Paula Gomes, co-chair of Emory’s IPV working group] said. She added that the work aims to support each other while responding to a number of existing concerns within Emory students staff and members of the faculty.

An Emory initiative to combat intimate partner violence started by the IPV working group includes offering a protocol for health care professionals to follow up with patients who are suspected to be victims of intimate partner violence cases.

“In [the VCP report], they found that victims went to hospital emergency rooms, and they went to their friends and colleagues and tried to get help, but it wasn’t good enough because they were murdered,” Heron said.

She added that the group wanted to revive a protocol that wold be more updated in the language and content of definitions, which includes what they look for and how to ask questions and make referrals.

Heron said that among other indicators of IPV, chronic abdominal pain, a history of an attempted suicide or chronic headaches points towards an individual’s possibility of having IPV.

“It’s beyond just fixing the medical problem, but asking why,” Heron said. She said that there is still a long way to go, and added that the medical protocol provides yet another tool that health care professionals can access.

This protocol includes requiring health care professionals to routinely check patients for domestic abuse in an effort to decrease the amount of repeat offenses of intimate partner violence.

“The medical protocol goes hand in hand with the fatality reports because the fatality report clearly states that victims have gone to health care professionals prior to their death,” Heron said.

Two years ago, the IPV working group conducted a report on intimate partner violence and presented the findings to University President James W. Wagner.

However, many of their recommendations, such as the creation of a website for victims have not materialized since the report came during the nation’s economic downturn.

“The recommendations included the creation of a website and other resources and a central place where people can respond to intimate partner violence,” Heron said.

She added that the financing issues have not deterred the group from distributing the report or from working with the Center for Women to create a website which would ensure confidentiality and safety for those in need of the services.

Heron said that according to a survey given to the University, many are unaware of a clear definition for intimate partner violence.

“We have to continue educating our campus and our university about what partner violence is about and what it includes,” Heron said.

Despite Georgia’s high ranking this year, Gomes stressed that there are many avenues throughout campus for Emory students, staff and faculty to reach out to when experiencing IPV.

“We do see [IPV] as an issue an Emory, and I know there is a growing issue among students of dating violence and stalking,” Gomes said. “There are resources available for everyone on campus.”

Info comes courtesy of the Emory Wheel.

For Reporters: How to Write About DV

Reporters covering DV arrests and homicides should take a leaf from Joe Johnson's book. His piece "Horrific End To Marriage Continues Deadly 2009 Trend" in the Athens Banner-Herald is an example of great DV reporting. Follow the link to read it, then come back and we'll tell you why.

Ready?

First, Joe did a very good job of painting a picture of the batterer. Most readers want to assume that someone capable of domestic violence is easy to pick out in a crowd. They expect batterers to look scary or act strange. They never expect batterers to look like their siblings, friends, bosses, neighbors, or fellow church members. This story reminds people how important it is to believe women when they disclose abuse because, though it might not be obvious, all kinds of people are capable of violence.

Second, Joe did an amazing job of showing that domestic violence is increasing and talking to experts to explain that trend. Many women feel like they’re suffering alone, and communities want to believe that domestic violence homicides are rare. If they are rare, we are somewhat absolved of the responsibility of preventing domestic violence and supporting survivors. The article makes clear how important support services are and how equally important it is to support our family and loved ones if they admit to us that their relationship is abusive.

Last, Joe reminded readers who are experiencing domestic violence that the violence usually escalates over time, and provides them with a name, description, and phone number for a local agency that can help them.

It's that simple.

British Schools Teach DV Prevention

Jezebel has a great article on a plan in British schools to teach all kids about dating violence prevention:

British schools are planning classes to teach kids ages five to fifteen about preventing domestic violence — but some parents' groups aren't happy.

The classes were inspired by research that shows one in four teenage girls are hurt by a partner, and a third of girls in relationships are victims of unwanted sexual activity. Despite these statistics, only half of girls receive any sort of education about domestic violence. To remedy this, beginning in 2011 schools will teach students about healthy relationships and the unacceptability of abuse.

An unnamed contributor to the plan says that the classes would be separate from sex education:

It's nothing to do with teaching them how to put a condom on. It's about teaching boys not to be violent and girls that being a sex object isn't the only way to be validated.

Schools minister Vernon Coaker says the classes will be "age appropriate." Rather than being taught about romantic relationships, younger children might learn not to bully or call names. Christine Barter, a researcher in the area of teen violence, says what's especially scary is that teenage girls keep this violence to themselves. Classes starting at a young age might encourage them to seek help when they need it — and might teach them that violence is unacceptable and should be reported. But not all parents are behind the measure.

Margaret Morrissey, of the group Parents Outloud, says, "This political correctness is turning our children into confused mini-adults from the age of five to nine." Nick Seaton, of the Campaign for Real Education, concurs:

Youngsters should naturally know not to do these sort of things and must be called to account if they do. But teachers have enough to do in teaching English, maths and science to a reasonable level without addressing issues that parents should be dealing with.

Teaching young girls to report abuse and rape — and teaching boys not to commit these acts — is hardly mere "political correctness." But Seaton's criticism echoes an age-old debate about education that goes beyond "English, maths and science" — what should schools teach, and what is the province of parents? In this case, it's unfortunately untrue that "youngsters naturally know" not to abuse each other. And since violence is still so widespread, it doesn't appear that parents "naturally know" how to deal with it either. Parent-child relationships are complicated by a lot of emotions and expectations — parents may feel, for instance, that their son would never hurt a girl, or that their daughter would never stay in an abusive relationship. Teachers may be able to take a more dispassionate approach, especially since they will undergo special training before teaching the new classes. Ideally, all parents would teach their kids never to commit domestic violence, and to speak out immediately if they suffer it. But teenagers aren't getting this message, and school may be a good place to fix that.

Church Involvement in Ending DV

The Rev. Steven Saul, pastor of Trinity Anglican Church in Douglas County, Georgia, is setting an example for his peers. From the Times-Georgian:

“I want to have the churches become proactive in helping victims who suffer from domestic violence,” he says.

This has led Saul on a mission to make the local religious community aware of the domestic violence problem and to help them recognize signs when it is happening. He also wants to see pastors take an active role in speaking out against violence from the pulpit.

Saul cited the 2008 Georgia Domestic Violence Fatality Report, an annual report by the
Georgia Commission on Family Violence, to emphasize the need for church involvement.

The report shows that 25 percent of domestic violence victims and 17 percent of the perpetrators are actively involved with a church, temple or synagogue.

“What this says to me is that there’s an absolute place for the church to serve in an advocate or support role for people suffering abuse,” he said. “I want to encourage them to speak about the issues from the pulpit and avoid hiding what is public.”

What Reverend Saul says is true. There is absolutely a need for church involvement in the movement to end violence against women. Church leaders should believe and support women who disclose abuse at home and, equally if not more importantly, churches should condemn the actions of batterers from the pulpit, in the pews, in the fellowship hall, and through the words and actions of their members.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

The Department of Justice has released Attorney General Eric Holder's remarks from a DV Awareness Month event. Some excerpts:

But just listening to, and learning from, these women is not enough. We also need to take action, both in our personal and professional lives, to help others in our community who find themselves in this situation. We owe it to them. We owe it to ourselves.

Last year, there were over a half million non-fatal violent victimizations committed against women age 12 or older by an intimate partner. And more than 2,000 women and men were killed by intimate partners last year. These are not mere statistics we are talking about – we are talking about individual human beings: friends, colleagues, co-workers, neighbors, relatives. We should be appalled that this type of violence is visited upon them in this day and age. And we must do everything in our power to stop it.

While women are by no means the only victims of domestic violence, the facts are clear – women are most often murdered by people they know. In 2007, 64 percent of female homicide victims were murdered by a family member or intimate partner. By comparison, 16 percent of male homicide victims were murdered by a family member or intimate partner. Disturbingly, intimate partner homicide is the leading cause of death for African-American women ages 15 to 45.

The numbers are similarly staggering when it comes to children’s experiences of domestic violence. According to a survey released two weeks ago by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, 1 in 4 children are exposed to some form of family violence in their lifetime.

These numbers are shocking and unacceptable.

We know that the most vulnerable in our society often bear the greatest burden in times of economic hardship. That’s why the Recovery Act included $225 million in grants through the Office of Violence against Women to expand efforts to combat violence against women and to invest in the lives of those who have been victimized and remain vulnerable. These vital funds will be used to support programs like SHAWL House and to help women like Gabby.

But we also know that money is not enough. This is why today’s dialogue must also lead to action. The kind of real, concrete action that impacts the lives of those most at risk and that otherwise might be broken.

We know that violence in the home doesn’t just impact individuals and families. It devastates entire communities because it is a precursor to so many other forms of violence. When children witness or experience violence in the home, it affects how children feel, how they act, and how they learn. Without intervention, children are at higher risk for school failure, substance abuse, repeat victimization, and perhaps most tragically, perpetrating violence later in their own lives.

We know that we must be open to new ideas and approaches. We must learn from each other what has worked – and what has not. We must acknowledge the great cultural diversity in our country and rise to the challenge of providing services that are truly culturally and linguistically relevant. We must dare to think differently and we must value innovation.

As a father of three children, I recognize that change has to come from within families as well. We all need to be role models and mentors for our children so that they have the best chance of living in violence-free communities and families.

None of us can solve this crisis alone. But by working together, by using every tool at our disposal and by refusing to ever back down or give up, we can make a real difference in our homes, our communities and in our nation.

Click here for the full text.

The Practical Implications of a Rape Culture

Melissa from Shakesville, whom we often site for her great breakdowns of basic feminist ideals, has hit one out of the park with her practical analysis of rape culture, which is more broadly known as "a complex set of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women". As always, the Shakesville community uses language that some readers may find offensive, so use caution if you click through to the full post or any of the following links. This is a long one, folks.

"Rape culture is encouraging male sexual aggression. Rape culture is regarding violence as sexy and sexuality as violent. Rape culture is treating rape as a compliment, as the unbridled passion stirred in a healthy man by a beautiful woman, making irresistible the urge to rip open her bodice or slam her against a wall, or a wrought-iron fence, or a car hood, or pull her by her hair, or shove her onto a bed, or any one of a million other images of fight-[sex] in movies and television shows and on the covers of romance novels that convey that violent urges are inextricably linked with (straight) sexuality.

Rape culture is treating straight sexuality as the norm. Rape culture is lumping queer sexuality into nonconsensual sexual practices like pedophilia and bestiality. Rape culture is privileging heterosexuality because ubiquitous imagery of two adults of the same-sex engaging in egalitarian partnerships without gender-based dominance and submission undermines (erroneous) biological rationales for the rape culture's existence.

Rape culture is rape being used as a weapon, a tool of war and genocide and oppression. Rape culture is rape being used as a corrective to "cure" queer women. Rape culture is a militarized culture and "the natural product of all wars, everywhere, at all times, in all forms."

Rape culture is 1 in 33 men being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is encouraging men to use the language of rape to establish dominance over one another ("I'll make you my b---h"). Rape culture is making rape a ubiquitous part of male-exclusive bonding. Rape culture is ignoring the cavernous need for men's prison reform in part because the threat of being raped in prison is considered an acceptable deterrent to committing crime, and the threat only works if actual men are actually being raped.

Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women's daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you're alone, if you're with a stranger, if you're in a group, if you're in a group of strangers, if it's dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you're carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you're wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who's around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who's at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it's your fault.

Rape culture is victim-blaming. Rape culture is a judge blaming a child for her own rape. Rape culture is a minister blaming his child victims. Rape culture is accusing a child of enjoying being held hostage, raped, and tortured. Rape culture is spending enormous amounts of time finding any reason at all that a victim can be blamed for his or her own rape.

Rape culture is judges banning the use of the word rape in the courtroom. Rape culture is the media using euphemisms for sexual assault. Rape culture is stories about rape being featured in the Odd News.

Rape culture is tasking victims with the burden of rape prevention. Rape culture is encouraging women to take self-defense as though that is the only solution required to preventing rape. Rape culture is admonishing women to "learn common sense" or "be more responsible" or "be aware of barroom risks" or "avoid these places" or "don't dress this way," and failing to admonish men to not rape.

Rape culture is "nothing" being the most frequent answer to a question about what people have been formally taught about rape.

Rape culture is boys under 10 years old knowing how to rape.

Rape culture is the idea that only certain people rape—and only certain people get raped. Rape culture is ignoring that the thing about rapists is that they rape people. They rape people who are strong and people who are weak, people who are smart and people who are dumb, people who fight back and people who submit just to get it over with, people who are sluts and people who are prudes, people who are rich and people who are poor, people who are tall and people who are short, people who are fat and people who are thin, people who are blind and people who are sighted, people who are deaf and people who can hear, people of every race and shape and size and ability and circumstance.

Rape culture is the narrative that sex workers can't be raped. Rape culture is the assertion that wives can't be raped. Rape culture is the contention that only nice girls can be raped.

Rape culture is refusing to acknowledge that the only thing that the victim of every rapist shares in common is bad luck. Rape culture is refusing to acknowledge that the only thing a person can do to avoid being raped is never be in the same room as a rapist. Rape culture is avoiding talking about what an absurdly unreasonable expectation that is, since rapists don't announce themselves or wear signs or glow purple.

Rape culture is people meant to protect you raping you instead—like parents, teachers, doctors, ministers, cops, soldiers, self-defense instructors.

Rape culture is a serial rapist being appointed to a federal panel that makes decisions regarding women's health.

Rape culture is a ruling that says women cannot withdraw consent once sex commences.

Rape culture is a collective understanding about classifications of rapists: The "normal" rapist (whose crime is most likely to be dismissed with a "boys will be boys" sort of jocular apologia) is the man who forces himself on attractive women, women his age in fine health and form, whose crime is disturbingly understandable to his male defenders. The "real sickos" are the men who go after children, old ladies, the disabled, accident victims languishing in comas—the sort of people who can't fight back, whose rape is difficult to imagine as titillating, unlike the rape of "pretty girls," so easily cast in a fight-[sex]fantasy of squealing and squirming and eventual relenting to the "flattery" of being raped.

Rape culture is the insistence on trying to distinguish between different kinds of rape via the use of terms like "gray rape" or "date rape."

Rape culture is pervasive narratives about rape that exist despite evidence to the contrary. Rape culture is pervasive imagery of stranger rape, even though women are three times more likely to be raped by someone they know than a stranger, and nine times more likely to be raped in their home, the home of someone they know, or anywhere else than being raped on the street, making what is commonly referred to as "date rape" by far the most prevalent type of rape. Rape culture is pervasive insistence that false reports are common, although they are less common (1.6%) than false reports of auto theft (2.6%). Rape culture is pervasive claims that women make rape accusations willy-nilly, when 61% of rapes remain unreported.

Rape culture is the pervasive narrative that there is a "typical" way to behave after being raped, instead of the acknowledgment that responses to rape are as varied as its victims, that, immediately following a rape, some women go into shock; some are lucid; some are angry; some are ashamed; some are stoic; some are erratic; some want to report it; some don't; some will act out; some will crawl inside themselves; some will have healthy sex lives; some never will again.

Rape culture is the pervasive narrative that a rape victim who reports his or her rape is readily believed and well-supported, instead of acknowledging that reporting a rape is a huge personal investment, a difficult process that can be embarrassing, shameful, hurtful, frustrating, and too often unfulfilling. Rape culture is ignoring that there is very little incentive to report a rape; it's a terrible experience with a small likelihood of seeing justice served.

Rape culture is hospitals that won't do rape kits, disbelieving law enforcement, unmotivated prosecutors, hostile judges, victim-blaming juries, and paltry sentencing.

Rape culture is the fact that higher incidents of rape tend to correlate with lower conviction rates.

Rape culture is silence around rape in the national discourse, and in rape victims' homes. Rape culture is treating surviving rape as something of which to be ashamed. Rape culture is families torn apart because of rape allegations that are disbelieved or ignored or sunk to the bottom of a deep, dark sea in an iron vault of secrecy and silence.

Rape culture is the objectification of women, which is part of a dehumanizing process that renders consent irrelevant. Rape culture is treating women's bodies like public property. Rape culture is street harassment and groping on public transportation and equating raped women's bodies to a man walking around with valuables hanging out of his pockets. Rape culture is most men being so far removed from the threat of rape that invoking property theft is evidently the closest thing many of them can imagine to being forcibly subjected to a sexual assault.

Rape culture is treating 13-year-old girls like trophies for men regarded as great artists.

Rape culture is ignoring the way in which professional environments that treat sexual access to female subordinates as entitlements of successful men can be coercive and compromise enthusiastic consent.

Rape culture is a convicted rapist getting a standing ovation at Cannes, a cameo in a hit movie, and a career resurgence in which he can joke about how he hates seeing people get hurt.

Rape culture is when running dogfights is said to elicit more outrage than raping a woman would.

Rape culture is blurred lines between persistence and coercion. Rape culture is treating diminished capacity to consent as the natural path to sexual activity.

Rape culture is pretending that non-physical sexual assaults, like peeping tomming, is totally unrelated to brutal and physical sexual assaults, rather than viewing them on a continuum of sexual assault.

Rape culture is diminishing the gravity of any sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, or culture of actual or potential coercion in any way.

Rape culture is using the word "rape" to describe something that has been done to you other than a forced or coerced sex act. Rape culture is saying things like "That ATM raped me with a huge fee" or "The IRS raped me on my taxes."

Rape culture is rape being used as entertainment, in movies and television shows and books and in video games.

Rape culture is television shows and movies leaving rape out of situations where it would be a present and significant threat in real life.

Rape culture is Amazon offering to locate "rape" products for you.

Rape culture is rape jokes. Rape culture is rape jokes on t-shirts, rape jokes in college newspapers, rape jokes in soldiers' home videos, rape jokes on the radio, rape jokes on news broadcasts, rape jokes in magazines, rape jokes in viral videos, rape jokes in promotions for children's movies, rape jokes on Page Six (and again!), rape jokes on the funny pages, rape jokes on TV shows, rape jokes on the campaign trail, rape jokes on Halloween, rape jokes in online content by famous people, rape jokes in online content by non-famous people, rape jokes in headlines, rape jokes onstage at clubs, rape jokes in politics, rape jokes in one-woman shows, rape jokes in print campaigns, rape jokes in movies, rape jokes in cartoons, rape jokes in nightclubs, rape jokes on MTV, rape jokes on late-night chat shows, rape jokes in tattoos, rape jokes in stand-up comedy, rape jokes on websites, rape jokes at awards shows, rape jokes in online contests, rape jokes in movie trailers, rape jokes on the sides of buses, rape jokes on cultural institutions…

Rape culture is people objecting to the detritus of the rape culture being called oversensitive, rather than people who perpetuate the rape culture being regarded as not sensitive enough.

Rape culture is the myriad ways in which rape is tacitly and overtly abetted and encouraged having saturated every corner of our culture so thoroughly that people can't easily wrap their heads around what the rape culture actually is.

That's hardly everything. It's merely the tip of an unfathomable iceberg."

Former President Carter Comdemns Sexism in Religion

Former President Jimmy Carter issued a statement Sunday announcing he is leaving the Southern Baptist Church due to their treatment of women. Carter has been a devout Southern Baptist for more than sixty years, but differs ideologically on points where the religion justifies the subordination of women. His announcement comes after the Elders, a group of world leaders with which Carter is affiliated, released a statement on the issue of discrimination against women and girls by religion. His words in full:

"Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status ..." (Article 2, Universal Declaration of Human Rights)

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:28)

I have been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world.

So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service. This was in conflict with my belief - confirmed in the holy scriptures - that we are all equal in the eyes of God.

This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. It is widespread. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths.

Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries. The male interpretations of religious texts and the way they interact with, and reinforce, traditional practices justify some of the most pervasive, persistent, flagrant and damaging examples of human rights abuses.

At their most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.

The impact of these religious beliefs touches every aspect of our lives. They help explain why in many countries boys are educated before girls; why girls are told when and whom they must marry; and why many face enormous and unacceptable risks in pregnancy and childbirth because their basic health needs are not met.

In some Islamic nations, women are restricted in their movements, punished for permitting the exposure of an arm or ankle, deprived of education, prohibited from driving a car or competing with men for a job. If a woman is raped, she is often most severely punished as the guilty party in the crime.

The same discriminatory thinking lies behind the continuing gender gap in pay and why there are still so few women in office in Britain and the United States. The root of this prejudice lies deep in our histories, but its impact is felt every day. It is not women and girls alone who suffer. It damages all of us. The evidence shows that investing in women and girls delivers major benefits for everyone in society. An educated woman has healthier children. She is more likely to send them to school. She earns more and invests what she earns in her family.

It is simply self-defeating for any community to discriminate against half its population. We need to challenge these self-serving and out-dated attitudes and practices - as we are seeing in Iran where women are at the forefront of the battle for democracy and freedom.

I understand, however, why many political leaders can be reluctant about stepping into this minefield. Religion, and tradition, are powerful and sensitive area to challenge.

But my fellow Elders and I, who come from many faiths and backgrounds, no longer need to worry about winning votes or avoiding controversy - and we are deeply committed to challenging injustice wherever we see it.

The Elders have decided to draw particular attention to the responsibility of religious and traditional leaders in ensuring equality and human rights. We have recently published a statement that declares: "The justification of discrimination against women and girls on grounds of religion or tradition, as if it were prescribed by a Higher Authority, is unacceptable."

We are calling on all leaders to challenge and change the harmful teachings and practices, no matter how ingrained, which justify discrimination against women. We ask, in particular, that leaders of all religions have the courage to acknowledge and emphasise the positive messages of dignity and equality that all the world's major faiths share.

Although not having training in religion or theology, I understand that the carefully selected verses found in the holy scriptures to justify the superiority of men owe more to time and place - and the determination of male leaders to hold onto their influence - than eternal truths. Similar Biblical excerpts could be found to support the approval of slavery and the timid acquiescence to oppressive rulers.

At the same time, I am also familiar with vivid descriptions in the same scriptures in which women are revered as pre-eminent leaders. During the years of the early Christian church women served as deacons, priests, bishops, apostles, teachers and prophets. It wasn't until the fourth century that dominant Christian leaders, all men, twisted and distorted holy scriptures to perpetuate their ascendant positions within the religious hierarchy.

I know, too, that Billy Graham, one of the most widely respected and revered Christians during my lifetime, did not understand why women were prevented from being priests and preachers. He said: "Women preach all over the world. It doesn't bother me from my study of the scriptures."

The truth is that male religious leaders have had - and still have - an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter.

Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world. This is in clear violation not just of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights but also the teachings of Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, Moses and the prophets, Muhammad, and founders of other great religions - all of whom have called for proper and equitable treatment of all the children of God. It is time we had the courage to challenge these views.

We need more men like President Carter, who are willing to make sacrifices of their privilege, and to take a stand against what they know to be wrong. Faith communities are not immune to domestic violence, and abusers often use their faith, their partner's faith, and the doctrines of inequality that President Carter condemned to justify violence and control. We need more men, more people of faith, and more people with influence making clear their unequivocal belief that violence against women, and discrimination against women from which violence is bred, is wrong. Thank you, Mr. President and all of the Elders, for being an ally.

Via Feminist Wire Daily.

West Georgia Murder-Suicide Follow-up

WALB has further news regarding the man who killed his girlfriend then himself in Clay County:

The woman killed filed two orders to protect herself and her property just hours before the deadly attack.

Angela Sands filed for a stay-off-of-property notice around 9:30 AM Monday morning. Ft. Gaines Police notified 40 year old Eddie Heard, Junior that the paperwork had been filed just a short time before he killed her.

Police Chief Sonny Davis said Heard came to see him Monday morning, complaining that Sands owed him money. When Sands stopped by the station later, she told police she intended to pay Heard $100 she owed for the installation of her new mobile home.

Sands told the chief she didn't want Heard on her property and applied for the protective notice. When Heard stopped by to see the Chief later in the afternoon, an officer served him with the paperwork.

Angela Sands had also called the Patuala District Attorney's office to request a temporary protection order, although that order would never be served. Researchers estimate that three to four million women are beaten in their homes each year by their husbands or partners. Temporary Protective Orders are a way to escape the violence and start the legal process that can lead to an arrest.

Victim advocates say there is a 75 percent greater chance for a homicide when a victim files for a temporary protective order, that's why advocates say it needs to be a planned out process.

The brutal murder-suicide in Clay County has once again put a spotlight on domestic violence and how dangerous it can be to escape the pattern.

"Once a woman makes a decision to leave that's the most dangerous time for her because she has finally taken back some power and he will escalate," said Silke Deeley of the Liberty House.

Victims' advocates at the Liberty House that serves 17 south Georgia counties including Clay County say, applying for a temporary protection order can be dangerous, but it's often necessary.

"A restraining order is just a piece of paper and it doesn't stop bullets and it doesn't stop knives, and it doesn't stop fists or anything else," said Deeley.

That's why it's important law enforcement who often deal with domestic problems put victims in touch with an advocate who can make them aware of potential warning signs.

"When their partner is kind of isolating them, very controlling, possibly keeping the finances under their grips, not allowing them free access to the finances," said Tonya Abner, Dougherty District Attorney Victims' Advocate.

Advocates say every woman attempting to escape that type of situation should have a plan to distance themselves from the aggressor, even if that means relocating.

"We need to talk to her about ways to be safe and ways her family needs to be safe," said Deeley.

Women in the Atlanta, GA area who would like to speak with an advocate about making a plan for her safety can call our 24-hour hotline at 404-688-9436. Elsewhere in Georgia, you can call 1-800-33-HAVEN. If you live outside of Georgia, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. All call are confidential and you can remain anonymous if you like. Friends and family members can also call these hotlines to learn how you can talk to someone in your life who may be experiencing family violence.

You can also find a downloadable safety plan on our website.

Letter from a Black Male Feminist

In place of a post from us this week, please click through to this open letter to Chris Brown from the blog Diary of a Black Male Feminist.

Ending DV: A Male Perspective

This piece by Kevin Powell at Huffington Post (who gives a shout-out to our friends at Men Stopping Violence) is a must-read. In it, he discusses the male role in ending violence against women.

Some highlights:

As I sought therapy during and especially after that period, I came to realize that I and other males in this country treated women and girls in this dehumanizing way because somewhere along our journey we were told we could. It may have been in our households; it may have been on our block or in our neighborhoods; it may have been the numerous times these actions were reinforced for us in our favorite music, our favorite television programs, or our favorite films.

To paraphrase Gandhi, make a conscious decision to be the change we need to see. Question where and how you've received your definitions of manhood to this point. This is not easy as a man in a male-dominated society because it means you have to question every single privilege men have vis-à-vis women. It means that you might have to give up something or some things that have historically benefited you because of your gender. And people who are privileged, who are in positions of power, are seldom willing to give up that privilege or power. But we must, because the alternative is to continue to hear stories of women and girls being beaten, raped, or murdered by some male in their environment, be it the college campus, the inner city, the church, or corporate America. And we men and boys need to come to a realization that sexism--the belief that women and girls are inferior to men and boys, that this really is a man's world, and the female is just here to serve our needs regardless of how we treat them--is as destructive to ourselves as it is to women and girls. As I've said in many speeches through the years, even if you are not the kind of man who would ever yell at a woman, curse at a woman, touch a woman in a public or private space without her permission, hit or beat a woman, much less kill a woman--you are just as guilty if you see other men and boys doing these things and you say or do nothing to stop them.

More of us men and boys need to take public stands in opposition to violence against women and girls. That means we cannot be afraid to be the only male speaking out against such an injustice. It also means that no matter what kind of male you are, working-class or middle-class or super-wealthy, no matter what race, no matter what educational background, and so on, that you can begin to use language that supports and affirms the lives and humanity of women and girls. You can actually be friends with females, and not merely view them as sexual partners to be conquered. Stop saying "boys will be boys" when you see male children fighting or being aggressive or acting up. Do not sexually harass women you work with then try to brush it off if a woman challenges you on the harassment. If you can't get over a breakup, get counseling. As a male ally, help women friends leave bad or abusive relationships. Do not criticize economically independent women because this independence helps free them in many cases from staying in abusive situations. Donate money, food, or clothing to battered women's shelters or other women's causes. Do not ever respond to a female friend with "Oh you're just an angry woman." This diminishes the real criticisms women may have about their male partners.

Santa doesn't kill people, Abusers kill people

We know that incidents of domestic violence often increase around the holidays as stress increases and families spend more time together, and this season has been no exception.

A Bibb County man has been charged with wounding a woman during a domestic dispute at their home.

A man in Madison held his estranged wife and their child hostage in a hotel, prompting a police standoff.

A Cherokee County man beat his girlfriend and left her by the road to die, which she later did in the hospital.

A fourth Georgia man has been charged in his wife's shooting death in South Carolina where they were visiting family.

And, nationally, no one has missed the coverage of the so-called "Santa Massacre", where a California man murdered his ex-wife and 8 of her relatives at a Christmas party.

What you'll notice about these articles is that the phrase "domestic violence" is never used. Each of the cases is treated as a one-time incident, as if the perpetrator just snapped. What we know, however, is that most men who murder their partners have a long history of violent behavior.

When a woman calls our hotline, contrary to what most people expect, we don't immediately tell her that she needs to leave. Instead, we help her plan to leave, if she chooses to, in the safest way possible, even if that takes some time. That's because one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship is when the victim decides to end it. When abusers sense that they are losing control over their victim, they may decide to escalate the violence to prevent her from leaving, or may instead choose to exercise the ultimate form of control by taking her life.

Take the so-called Santa shooting. According to the AJC, Pardo began purchasing ammunition and guns and ordering supplies to build a flame thrower as early as last summer. He ordered the Santa outfit that gained him entrance to the home in early fall. His plans began around the time that his estranged wife filed for divorce.

Again, none of the articles describing this horrific event mention domestic violence, but one of the most telling quotes for us comes from an article in the Huffington Post describing a 911 call made by a survivor of the shooting hiding with her daughter in a neighbor's home.

"I have a feeling I know who it is," she said, and identified the shooter as her former brother-in-law. "They're going through a divorce right now."

Most people going through a divorce do not choose to murder their ex, their ex's entire family, and their own mother for siding with the ex during the divorce proceedings. Something made this woman suspect that her former brother-in-law was capable of such violence, and that indicates to us that there had been signs of abuse in the couple's past.

Many people still feel that domestic violence could never happen to them, or that it is rare, or that it doesn't affect anyone outside of the immediate relationship. For those who still think this way, it is important to label domestic violence for what it is, to recognize how common and dangerous it has become, and to help everyone understand that domestic violence is a community problem with a community solution.

If you are in the Atlanta area and want to learn more about what you can do to end violence against women, call us at (404) 370-7670.

Update: A Baldwin County man killed his girlfriend and then himself this morning. The Macon Telegraph notes that the couple had a history of domestic violence.

Update 2: A Gwinnet County man fractured his wife's skull, almost killing her, on Christmas day. The Gwinnett Daily Post notes that he had prior domestic violence charges.

Domestic Violence - A Veteran's Issue

On Veteran's Day, as we honor those who have served our country, we also honor military families who have made a great sacrifice in loaning us a loved one, often for years of active duty at a time. The sacrifice does not end for either when the loved one comes home, and we have a duty as a country to take care of our veterans and their families as they respond to the long-term physical and emotional effects of serving in a war.

Recently, Science Daily released a report linking the increasing number of veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to an increase in family violence risk.

Research in the VA shows that male veterans with PTSD are two to three times more likely than veterans without PTSD to engage in intimate partner violence and more likely to be involved in the legal system.

"Community violence prevention agencies and services need to be included in a veteran's treatment plan to address the battering behaviors," says Hovmand.

"Veterans need to have multiple providers coordinating the care that is available to them, with each provider working on one treatment goal. Coordinated community response efforts such as this bring together law enforcement, the courts, social service agencies, community activists and advocates for women to address the problem of domestic violence. These efforts increase victim safety and offender accountability by encouraging interorganizational exchanges and communication.

"Veterans Day is an excellent reminder that we need to coordinate the services offered by the VA and in the community to ensure that our veterans and their families get the services they need when they need it," Matthieu and Hovmand say.

In October, a group of demonstrators stood outside Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, NC, staging a nonviolent protest against the violence they feel is perpetuated by our community’s military culture. The Fayetteville Observer reported:

Retired Col. Ann Wright served 29 years in the Army. The Hawaii resident said she came here out of concern for the four female service members slain in North Carolina this year. All were allegedly murdered by their husbands or boyfriends, also service personnel. Three were stationed at Fort Bragg.

“It’s military killing other military,” Wright said. “The military has to address this.”

Bragg leaders say they are doing the best they can. Pointing to a variety of preventive programs available on post, spokesman Tom McCollum said they are proactive in dealing with domestic and sexual abuse.

Soldiers are repeatedly briefed about the counseling services available at Womack Army Medical Center, at Army Community Services, and with Army chaplains. “We are sometimes baffled,” McCollum said. “Why would someone do that and especially with all the help that is available? A divorce is so much easier.”

The murders have attracted national media attention and caused many outsiders to wonder what is going on in our community. Why are so many spouses being slain here? Domestic violence is not exclusive to a military community, of course. Some studies say a third of all women have been abused — physically or sexually.

The recent spate of murders underscores the fact that domestic violence remains a significant problem here. Whatever preventive action is being taken at Fort Bragg, it isn’t enough.

It’s an old argument. We train men, and now women, to wage war, then we are baffled when they do that to each other.

It is driven in times of war by a national culture that can extol violence, conflating it with patriotism. And don’t overlook the general population raised on a steady diet of malevolence disguised as entertainment.

In a way, it’s surprising that there aren’t more bodies piling up at military bases all over this nation. We are certain, nevertheless, that the demonstrators were on to something that we as a community need to address. This may become an epidemic that threatens us all.

It is a problem we, as a community, military and civilian, can’t ignore. It is also a problem that we have not, so far, effectively solved.

The Army has made a good-faith effort to provide programs and services to prevent domestic violence and save lives. But it’s not enough. The effort must be redoubled, the violence studied more carefully, and the intervention waged even more aggressively.

On this Veteran's Day, it is our challenge as an advocacy organization, and yours as a community, to help our military families learn choices other than violence and to make sure that military wives and partners are believed, are not silenced, and are able to access the services and support that they deserve.

Domestic Violence and Religion

Christian Today has an article up about the first stop on the World Council of Churches' (WCC) international tour to gear up for their Peace Declaration convocation in 2011. The purpose of the tour and the resulting convocation is to raise awareness of domestic violence.

Frankfurt was the first stop for a WCC team of six people led by Archbishop Bernard Ntahoturi from Burundi. The visit of the WCC team in Germany is one of several team visits planned throughout the world between now and 2010 to prepare for the International Ecumenical Peace Convocation in 2011.

The convocation is the culmination of the WCC's Decade to Overcome Violence 2001-2010, in which the German churches have been particularly active and committed from the outset. In Frankfurt, projects and experiences from south-western Germany were presented to the international team.

One project included in the presentations was that of Rev. Helene Eichrodt-Kessel, from the Evangelical Lutheran Church who is leading an effort to make domestic violence a required part of the school syllabus for the Protestant schools in her district.

While the delegation hopes that it's tour will result in a better handling of domestic violence cases within the church, they do not believe that there is much they can do to prevent these cases to begin with.

"Domestic violence takes place behind closed doors. When we learn about it, it's already too late," said Archbishop Ntahoturi. In his home country Burundi it was seen as one of the results of war. Through its "focus on the family" project, his church had also found out about cases of sexual abuse, he added.

Although we feel that there is much that faith congregations can do to end domestic violence, including preaching that it is not God's will, we have faith that this is the beginning of a wave of zero-tolerance for domestic abuse within congregations. Accountability goes a long way for prevention, and the knowledge that there will be a supportive community waiting for her can do a lot to give someone the courage to leave an abusive situation.

Carnival Against Sexual Violence

Part of the mission of The Big Picture is to expose our readers to the ways that our local work with survivors of domestic violence connects to the larger Violence Against Women Movement. That's why we are excited to introduce you to the Carnival Against Sexual Violence. Though

Women's Resource Center to End Domestic Violence has no control over the content of the Carnival's blog, and some posts may contain strong language and discussions that may trigger strong emotions, we encourage you to visit their site on the 1st and 15th of each month to hear how other bloggers address the complex and multi-faceted issues that encompass the Violence Against Women Movement.

International Violence Against Women Act

Here in the United States the Violence Against Women Act has provided many invaluable resources to domestic violence survivors. While there is room for improvement, and an on-going movement to protect VAWA's funding, we must remember that violence against women is a global epidemic. Apart from being a gross human rights violation, widespread violence against women actually stunts the economic growth of a nation.

Violence prevents women from:

Working: Violence reduces a woman's ability to work and provide for her family. In India, for example, a survey revealed that women who experienced even a single incident of violence lost an average of seven working days.

Staying at Work: In Kenya, 95 percent of the women who had experienced sexual abuse in their workplace were afraid to report the problem for fear of losing their jobs.

Getting an Education: Research shows that violence against women - including sexual assault, intimidation, and abuse - takes place in schools. Girls who are exposed to or experience violence are less likely to complete their education. A study in Nicaragua found that children of female victims of violence left school an average of four years earlier than other children.

Building Strong Communities: Women who experience violence are less able to benefit from and contribute to healthy communities.

The international situation parallels the plight of domestic violence survivors in the United States. According to StopFamilyViolence.org, studies show that a domestic violence survivor's degree of financial independence is the best predictor of whether or not she will return to her abuser. The CDC estimates that, "Victims of intimate partner violence lose 8,000,000 days of paid work each year--the equivalent of over 32,000 full-time jobs and 5,600,000 days of household productivity."

The good news is that violence against women is preventable and that there are proven solutions that work. The International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA), if passed, would, for the first time, comprehensively incorporate these solutions into all U.S. foreign assistance programs - solutions such as promoting women's economic opportunity, addressing violence against girls in school, and working to change public attitudes. Among other things, the IVAWA would make ending violence against women a diplomatic priority for the first time in U.S. history. It would require the U.S. government to respond to critical outbreaks of gender-based violence in armed conflict - such as the mass rapes now occuring in the Democratic Republic of Congo - within two months. And by investing in local women's organizations overseas that are succesfully working to reduce violence in their communities, the IVAWA would have a huge impact on reducing poverty - freeing millions of women in poor countries to lift themselves, their families, and their communities out of poverty.

We have the power at home and abroad to send the message that violence against women will not be tolerated. For a concise explanation of IVAWA and to sign the petition of support, please visit Women Thrive Worldwide.