Rape Myths Part II

This is the second in our series of posts examining rape myths in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. For the first, challenging the idea that women are responsible for their sexual assaults, click here.

Many people believe that false reports of rape are common. There are usually two thoughts processes behind that, both of which are grounded in a system that values men more highly than women.

First, when it comes to date rape, many people assume that the sex or sexual act was consensual at the time, but that the woman wakes up the next morning regretting it and changes her story. This is similar to arguing that a woman lies about consensual sex, calling it rape, when her husband or father finds out and she wants to avoid their disapproval. The entire argument hinges on one belief: women are liars.

If we don't believe that women are liars, we believe that men are actually capable of sexual assault. But, because our society values men more highly than we do women, we have more invested in believing that men are innocent. It is easier for us to believe something negative about a woman than it is for us to believe something negative about a man. It is easier for us to think that the average woman is capable of trying to ruin a man's life by falsely accusing him of a horrible crime than it is for us to think that the average man is capable of raping.

This leads very logically into the next thought process. We want to believe that men who are rapists are easy to identify and thus easy to avoid. It's a form of self-protection, similar to that which causes us to wrongfully believe that women are at least partially responsible for their rapes. But men who rape don't wear signs around their necks or have tattoos that say "dangerous". Men who rape can be creepy or charming, ugly or handsome, young or old, rich or poor, of any race or ethnicity, religious or not religious, etc. These men could be your fathers, husbands, boyfriends, brothers, sons, bosses, faith leaders, or anyone else. But, because we don't want to believe that the men we love and respect could be violent, it is easier for us to think that women are liars. Because we want to think we are safe from sexual assault because we don't know anyone capable of doing something so horrible, it is easier for us to do something horrible - revictimize a sexual assault victim by accusing her of lying.

In reality, false reports are not common. There aren't many studies done on the issue, and thus stats are hard to come by, but some reports have found that false reports of sexual assault are as low as 1.6%. That same study found false reports of auto theft to be 2.6% of total reports.

Compare that to the fact that 1 in 20 college-age men will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word "rape" isn't used in the description of the act.*

*We'll explore this stat in a later post.

Rape Myths part 1

Last week, a member of our staff was invited to come on CNN Headline News to discuss rape myths during their coverage of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. You can watch the video of Richelle Carey interviewing our Director of Development Amber Harris here.

Because these interviews are so short, there are always points we wish we had made once the interview is done. Also, a complicated issue like sexual assault, and the way our culture views and discusses it, is something that warrants a more thorough discussion than you can fit into a few minutes. That is why we'll be exploring the rape myths discussed in the segment in more detail. The first myth discussed was the idea that victims are sometimes to blame for some or all of their sexual assault.

We as a culture are desperate to blame rape victims for some or all of what happened to them. If she had been drinking, the rape was at least partially her fault. If she was dressed suggestively, it was her fault. If she invited a man into her home, it was her fault. If she has had sex before, especially with him, it was her fault. If she is married to him, she has given up forever her right to say no.

All of these ways of thinking are, of course, false. It is not illegal for a woman above the legal drinking age to have a drink. It is not illegal for women to wear low-cut tops or short skirts, or heels. It is not illegal for women to invite men into their homes. It is not illegal for women to have sex and also to withdraw their consent for sex at any time during or afterward. It is up to the other person to stop when that consent is withdrawn, or if it is never given. If you don't stop, that is rape, and rape is illegal.

Think of it this way. Thousands of women go to bars every weekend dressed in club-wear and no one assaults them. Thousands of women end relationships with men with whom they've had sex every week and those men do not assault them. And yet, every 2 minutes in the US, someone is sexually assaulted. Many of those women and men were not drunk, dressed suggestively, etc. The difference for them is that they were in the presence of a rapist.

So why are we so determined to blame victims for their assaults? As Amber suggested in her interview, it may be, at least partly, at least for women, a self-protection mechanism. When we hear that 1 in 6 women* in the US will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes, we need to believe something that will help us deny that it will happen to us. We need to believe that women did something wrong or something stupid that compromised their safety. If we admit that women who are sexually assaulted did nothing at all to cause that assault, then we as women live in constant fear.

Even though it is an understandable self-protection mechanism, blaming the victim is not OK. Why? Because when blaming the victim, you are helping the rapist.

Let that sink in. When you blame a victim for her own assault, you are helping the rapist.

Most courtroom rape defenses rely on the exact victim blaming rhetoric that we lay out above to keep rapists from going to jail. And women who don't want to suffer through that victim blaming often don't press charges in the first place. That's why 61% of rapes are never reported to police and only 6% of rapists ever see a day in jail. When you participate in victim blaming, you are causing women who have been assaulted to relive their trauma and possibly also blame themselves. You are also helping the real criminal, the rapist, walk free.

It's also a lot easier to blame the victim than it is to blame the rapist. After all, the solutions are so much easier if we concentrate on the victim. Take a self-defense class. Don't drink. Always be aware of your surroundings. However, 1 in 20 college-age men will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word "rape" isn't used in the description of the act.** It's a lot harder to change the beliefs and the power structure that feeds men the idea that it is OK to take sex from a women without her consent, as if she is not a real person and her feelings don't matter. Teaching men who don't already think so that women matter is incredibly difficult. If we believe that women aren't to blame for their assaults, and yet we do nothing about it, we are yet again helping the rapist.

Don't help the rapist; help us. When your friends, family members, or colleagues are blaming the victim, stop them and explain why victim blaming is harmful. Stop people when they make rape jokes in your presence. Volunteer for a local organization, like ours, that works to end violence against women. Then you don't have to be as afraid, you don't have to harm victims, and you are doing something to end violence against women. And you aren't helping a rapist.

*The really frightening thing about that 1 in 6 number is that it doesn't take into account that many of those women will be assaulted more than once.

**We'll explore this stat in a future post.

Murray Man Kills Wife, Is Killed by Deputy

The AJC reports that a Murray County, Georgia woman was seconds away from being rescued by police when her husband shot and killed her.

According to a news release issued Monday by Murray County Sheriff Howard Ensley, Peggy Sue Green Hamby called 911 at 8:43 p.m., "stating her husband, Kenneth Green, was holding a gun on her and threatening to kill her, himself and any law enforcement officer that arrives."

A deputy arrived four minutes later to find Green with a rifle, attacking his wife outside the home.

When the deputy ordered the man to drop his weapon, Green shot and killed his wife, according to the release.

"Moving toward the deputy, Mr. Green turned the weapon towards the officer and fired a shot," Ensley said in the release. "The deputy returned fire, fatally wounding Mr. Green."

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Hamby family.

Alabama College Shooting

One woman is dead and three others are injured in a mass shooting that proves, once again, that domestic violence is not a family matter that, if left alone, will stay behind closed doors.

The shootings in the car park of Southern Union Community College in Opelika killed a 63-year-old woman, wounded two other women, aged 36 and 94, and injured a four-year-old who was hit by flying glass.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1374300/Alabama-College-shooting-Moment-gunman-Thomas-Franklin-May-surrendered.html#ixzz1IsBYRU6u

Thomas Franklin May, 34, was charged with capital murder and attempted murder and is being held without bail, said Police Chief Tommy Mangham.

He said the shooting was related to a domestic matter and was pre-planned.

Chief Mangham said: 'We really don't know what's in a person's mind when they do something like this.'

One of the wounded women was Bethany L May, the alleged shooter's estranged wife, Chief Mangham said.

Authorities wouldn't release any more information on the victims or their medical conditions. However it was revealed that one victim was a student at the community college and that some of the victims were related.

Court records revealed Mrs May filed a request against her husband last week seeking protection from abuse, but the details were unavailable.

A judge in Lee County issued a temporary order against Mr May and scheduled a hearing for May 11.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims' families.

Lithonia Man Accused in Stabbing Death of Mother, Siblings

The AJC reports that a Lithonia man is accused in the stabbing death of his mother and two siblings. He also wounded his teenage sister who survived the attack but is in critical condition.

Police arrested the 21-year-old [Eugene Quatron] McCoy as he was walking away from the house Sunday night. According to jail records, McCoy lived at the Rockland Road house even though there was a restraining order prohibiting him from being in contact with his family.

McCoy was booked into the DeKalb County jail early Monday on three counts of murder and one charge of aggravated assault.

Sheila Irons, the man's mother whom he is accused of killing, had taken out a protective order him, prohibiting him from being in contact with her and her minor children. However, as we counsel women every day, a protective order is just a piece of paper that relies on fear of arrest and imprisonment to make it effective. Men who do not fear being arrested often do not fear a protective order.

According to court records, there is a history of family violence.

McCoy has been arrested six times prior to Monday, including twice for allegedly violating family violence orders. All the cases were before DeKalb County judges.

The first arrest was in 2007 when McCoy was sentenced to 12 months' probation for burglary, but that case did not involve family violence.

Last May 26, McCoy pleaded guilty to violation of a temporary protective order and was put on probation for a year and ordered to have no contact with the victim.

McCoy pleaded guilty last Sept. 8 to disorderly conduct and was sentenced to 23 days of confinement and 12 months probation.

Then on Dec. 8, McCoy pleaded no contest to family violence battery, disorderly conduct and criminal trespass. He was sentenced to 14 days in jail and two years probation.

He was ordered on Dec. 21 to undergo a mental health evaluation.

He also was told he could have no contact with the victim, a different woman, and to attend 12 anger management classes.

His last previous arrest was on Jan. 8 on a criminal trespass charge. Court records show McCoy pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 12 months probation. He also was sentenced to jail time but received credit for the 67 days and was released on March 16, the day he enter the plea.

McCoy clearly did not fear arrest again, because he learned in prior arrests that he would get minimal jail time. Instead of putting the burden on the victim to protect herself, it would have been much more effective to hold McCoy accountable for his past uses of violence and his past protective order violations. If he had ever been shown that our legislators and our courts take violations of protective orders seriously and been given real consequences (other than the inconvenience of anger management classes and probation), he might not have violated another protective order and these three people, two of whom were children, would still have their lives.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims' family.