Our Investment in Gender

As a culture, we have a lot invested in gendering our citizens. Don't believe us? Then why do people freak out so much when a person of one gender acts like a person of another?

It should be no big deal. Major League Baseball offers paternity leave. It's a personal decision whether or not players want to take it. A player decides to take advantage and misses a game to attend the birth of his child. End of story, right? Not exactly.

A Dallas sports writer publishes an entire rant because he thinks a guy taking time off from work to do girly things like have babies is so weird. Funerals, he's OK with, they're unisex. But birth is strictly a woman's domain, so no men allowed.

Also, boys should never, ever paint their toenails. And if a company like J Crew happens to print an ad about a mother having some bonding time with her son by painting his toenails his favorite color, the frenzy might just reach epic proportions. Don't believe us? Google it. We'll wait.

All sarcasm aside, this gender policing has real consequences for people.

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, a Mississippi high school football player wanted to wear pink cleats. He got kicked off the team for it and might not graduate on time.

A 17-month old boy was beaten to death in New York for "acting like a girl".

"Corrective Rape", the horrible crime whereby gay men and lesbian women are raped by persons of the opposite sex in order to "fix" their being gay has its own Wikipedia entry.

So why is our society so invested in this? Why do we care if women do things that are considered masculine and men do things that are considered feminine?

Chalk it up to power. Men are more valuable in our society, and they have more power. It's why rape and domestic violence are committed. If women acted like men, maybe we could claim some of that value and some of that power. That has to be stopped. And why on Earth would a man want to act like a woman? Women are worthless. To be a woman is bad. Therefore, there must be something very wrong with a man who wants to do feminine things. That has to be stopped, too.

If we get to a point in our society where women and men are equally valued and equally respected, gender won't matter so much. Until then, gender policing will be alive and well and to step outside your narrowly defined box could be very dangerous. Literally, dangerous.

Sports Writers Pay Attention

Right on the heels of another article taking athletes and teams to task for their use and acceptance of domestic violence, comes this article from Scoop Jackson on Real Clear Sports. He makes a declaration that we wish all men understood:

As a man, it would be irresponsible of me to continue to ignore it. Continue to tune out the pattern. Continue to pretend that these are just isolated incidents.

As a man -- especially a man who covers sports for a living -- that would make me a coward.

This too is a fantastic article meriting a full read. Here are some of the highlights:

These are not just cases of "Floyd Being Floyd" or "Lance Being Lance" or "Chris Being Chris." The issue is bigger than them individually. This is about all male athletes -- black, white, straight, gay, old, young, paid, not-paid, superstar or unknown -- and how they control personal anger and how they handle personal issues. Again, we can no longer afford to look at these incidents as isolated.

A study by the Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sports, cited in a 2003 story in the Los Angeles Times related to the Kobe Bryant case, found that male athletes are accused of committing an average of two reported acts of violence against women per week. According to Richard Lapchick, one of the authors of that study, those numbers haven't changed since then.

University of Florida wide receiver Chris Rainey, sent a text to his former girlfriend stating, "Time to Die, b----," according to Gainesville police. Rainey has been charged with aggravated stalking, a third-degree felony...

Just the fact that University of Tennessee fans are printing up orange "Time To Die" T-shirts for their upcoming game against Florida this weekend is reason enough for us to increase our investment in a solution.

Please check out the whole thing.

DV, Not Just For Athletes Anymore

Domestic violence is well-known to permeate locker rooms, but it seems that the attitudes that perpetuate violence against women are spreading to sportscasters as well. The Huffington Post reports that ESPN personality Jay Mariotti is being charged with domestic violence against his girlfriend.

Seven misdemeanors are being filed against Mariotti, including domestic violence with injury, false imprisonment and grand theft, city attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan said. Each count carries a maximum of a year in jail.

As per usual, the defense has wasted no time in painting Mariotti as the victim.

"We are confident that the facts will show the complainant was extremely intoxicated that night and abusive toward Mr. Mariotti," [Mariotti's defense attorney] said.

According to the LA Times:

LAPD sources said the couple began fighting at a club in Santa Monica after Mariotti accused his girlfriend of flirting with another man. The argument continued outside the club and as the pair left in their car.

The argument continued at the couple's Venice-area apartment, where Mariotti allegedly pushed and shoved the woman. During the altercation, Mariotti grabbed her arm, leaving marks, the sources said.

Police were called to the apartment and found his girlfriend, who has not been identified, with cuts and bruises.

As per the unusual, ESPN immediately issued a statement to the Associated Press stating that they did not plan to continue using Mariotti in their programming.

Vanderbilt Recruit Killed in Murder-Suicide

A star football player from Cobb County with a bright future ahead of him was killed in a DV murder-suicide by his mother's ex-boyfriend.

Clifton Steger was no stranger to the Bennett family. He was at McEachern High two weeks ago when 18-year-old football star Rajaan Bennett signed his letter of intent to play at Vanderbilt.

"[Steger] was introduced as a friend to the family," said McEachern Athletics Director Jimmy Dorsey. But sometime last week Rajaan's mother, Narjaketha Bennett, broke up with Steger, a 39-year-old carpenter who'd lived much of his life in Detroit.

"He was out for revenge," said Dorsey, who told the AJC he had talked with Powder Springs Police and Rajaan's family earlier Thursday. Steger allegedly broke into the Bennett's home on Woodcrest Drive just southwest of downtown Powder Springs.

Rajaan's younger sister Narcharlette, a middle schooler, quietly called 911 around 2:30 a.m. to report Steger's intrusion, Dorsey said. Four minutes later police arrived and "as they approached and knocked on the door, they heard several gunshots," Powder Springs Police Maj. Charles Spann told the AJC.

Inside police found the bodies of Rajaan, captain of the 2009 McEachern football team and an all-state running back with a 3.8 GPA, and Steger, who died from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head, said Powder Springs Police spokesman Matt Boyd.

Rajaan's uncle, Taiwan Hunter, 32, was also shot; he is listed in critical condition at Atlanta Medical Center. Rajaan's mother and his two siblings, Narcharlette and Desybon, were unharmed.

Students held a vigil for Rajaan Thursday night. About 150 students gathered in huge ring around posters, candles and chalk messages on the concrete that paid tribute to their classmate.

McEachern has set up a fund to help the family pay for funeral expenses. To donate, send checks made out to the McEachern Endowment Fund with “Rajaan Bennett Memorial” written in the bottom left corner. McEachern High School’s address is 2400 New Macland Road, Powder Springs, GA 30127. For more information, please call 770-222-3710.

The Effects of Stalking: A First-Hand Account

We say over and over on this blog that stalking is not funny. People who stalk do real damage to their victims. No one can say this better than ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews, who has become to stalking what Rihanna has become to dating violence.

In some ways, the news is anti-climactic: Michael David Barrett, an insurance executive of Illinois, pled guilty yesterday to the interstate stalking of ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews.

More specifically, Barrett admitted to buying information about Andrews over the internet; traveling to follow Andrews; staying in three hotel rooms next to hers (the hotels told him which room was hers); twice filming videos of Andrews while she was naked through the door's peephole; posting those videos online; and trying to sell the videos to TMZ.

It's just another chapter in the long, long story of the objectification of Erin Andrews.

But what stands out about yesterday's hearing is that for once, it gave the 31-year-old sportscaster the chance to speak for herself -- and what it is like for her to pursue a job she loves while navigating fierce misogyny and harassment. What follows is a collection of her statements at the hearing, gathered primarily from Sports Illustrated and ABC News.

Listen to her words:

She lamented that the videos remain online and can never be scrubbed from the Internet. She spoke candidly to the judge and reporters after the hearing about being "a little paranoid" when she checks into a hotel. She said she sometimes imagines she sees Barrett and has nightmares.

"I live in hotels because of my job, and every time I check in, I look around, constantly thinking he is there," she said.

"I have nightmares. I walk in crowds and I see him in my peripheral vision. When I'm alone in my house, I have fears he's going to come in and hurt me... My career has been ripped apart, something I've worked very hard for. I am subjected to crude comments, suggestions that I have partnered in this crime. I walk into stadiums, and fans say obscene things to me."

Andrews said she didn't consider leaving her job at ESPN. "I do what I love," she said after the hearing. "It was time for college football to begin."

"I didn't do anything wrong. If I can make a difference for more women, that's what I want to do."

"I want him to stay in jail as long as possible. "He's a threat to women everywhere. I feel like it was my duty to come here and tell this judge what he has done to me, because I don't want another family to be ripped apart by this. I don't want somebody else's career to be ruined by this."

Does this sound like someone who just couldn't take a joke?

How It Should Be Done

Recently we posted about the baffling (to us) phenomenon of targeting all prevention of violence against women toward women instead those who are the primary perpetrators of that violence (men). Several groups in New Zealand agree with us, and have come up with a wonderfully logical response to sexual assault prevention:

Rape educators want to train New Zealand's bar staff to intervene when they see "predatory males" plying women with drinks during the Rugby World Cup.

Rape Prevention Education (formerly Rape Crisis) has teamed up with the police, Accident Compensation Corporation and the hospitality industry to train 130 bar staff in Auckland and Wellington in a pilot programme this year.

Director Kim McGregor said she hoped the other agencies would help to extend the programme nationally in the lead-up to the World Cup, which kicks off in September 2011.

"We need to do much more on prevention and social attitudes, for example around the [Cup]," she said.

"For us it's an opportunity. We have two years to prepare for it."

The programme targets bars because three-quarters of sexual offenders and half of all "date rape" victims were drinking or taking drugs before offences occurred.

A fifth of sexual violence happens in or around licensed premises.

Bars already have "host responsibilities" under the Sale of Liquor Act, which imposes fines of up to $10,000 on managers who allow anyone to become intoxicated on their premises or supply liquor to anyone who is already drunk.

Dr McGregor said staff also needed to be aware of the sexual risks for heavy drinkers.

"We are teaching bar staff how to keep patrons safe - identifying predatory males, and being aware of the consent laws," she said.

"They don't understand that it's rape if you have sex with someone who is so stupefied by alcohol or drugs that they can't give consent.

"For some bar staff there's an attitude that if a woman goes home with a guy drunk, she deserves all she gets. But they can stop giving people drinks when they're drunk, and they can be offering free water in between drinks and putting [out] nibbles and snacks."

Programme co-ordinator Kylie Tippett said the workshops trained bar staff to watch out for "red flags" such as patrons being sexually harassed, being plied with double or triple drinks or drugs without their knowledge, simply getting drunk very quickly, or leaving the bar with no way to get to their next destination safely.

She said security staff could approach offenders and say, "We have noticed your inappropriate sexual behaviour towards women or men this evening. We don't tolerate harassment on these premises - either stop or you'll be asked to leave."

Or: "We notice that you are buying large quantities of alcohol for another person. It's our policy that we check that the person is not intoxicated and is aware of what they're drinking."

She said one of the biggest problems raised in the workshops was what to do with people leaving the bar drunk and unable to get home safely.

"They may tell people where the nearest taxi stand is, or some bars know taxi companies and use those, and some felt quite comfortable calling police and said they had a great response in those situations," she said.

She plans to talk to taxi companies and other agencies about a possible voucher scheme for people at risk who did not have any money for a taxi.

"There would need to be all sorts of training required. We'd have to check that they were not being misused."

Some bars wanted posters stating policies such as: "We do not tolerate sexual harassment or aggression. If you are concerned with any patrons, do come to us and we'll deal with it."

"We've been asked to develop some posters," Ms Tippett said.

Hospitality Association operations manager Scott Necklen said the pilot programmes were successful and the industry would support further workshops. "We are supportive of initiatives that give hospitality staff practical strategies to ensure patrons' safety and ensure patrons have a happy and enjoyable night out."

This is the way prevention should look.

UGA Suspends Player for Domestic Violence

The Georgia Bulldogs indefinitely suspended freshman defensive end Montez Robinson today after he was arrested Thursday on battery charges.

“I’m certainly disappointed in the situation with Montez (Robinson),” said head coach Mark Richt. “We have expectations and standards for our student-athletes and his actions are not in line with those. We are suspending him indefinitely from all team activities.”

Robinson faces battery and criminal damage charges for two separate events involving a female University of Georgia student.

Robinson, 19, was held in the Clarke County Jail this morning on charges of simple battery and second-degree criminal damage, a felony. He was released on $2,000 bond later in the afternoon.

Robinson is charged with battery for allegedly assaulting the female student on Oct. 20 and criminal damage for allegedly breaking taillights on her car early Monday morning.

This post could easily have been given the "double standards" tag that posts on domestic violence perpetrated by athletes often get. Instead, Bulldogs coach Mark Richt chose to take these arrests seriously and condemn domestic violence as outside the standards of character he expects from his team. Thanks, Coach Richt, for standing with our cause and setting that example for your peers, your team, and your fans.

Double Standards for Athletes

William Wolfrum from Shakesville makes some interesting observations regarding the media's interest in photos showing Olympian Michael Phelps using marijuana.

Brazilian soccer superstar Robinho was arrested for sexual assault last week.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Syracuse University starting guard Eric Devendorf allegedly hit a female student in the face, but faced no charges and is again playing.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Former Central Michigan University football player Darren Paul Martin was arrested for unlawful imprisonment, assault with intent to commit sexual penetration, attempted sexual conduct in the third degree, and a variety of other offenses.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Two University of Arkansas-Monticello football players were arrested for a home invasion and "inappropriately touched" a woman in the house they robbed.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Former NFL player David Meggett was arrested and charged with raping a 21-year-old woman in her North Charleston, S.C., home, authorities said. Meggett had been out on bond in connection with another sexual assault charge.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Kobe Bryant scored 61 points in New York the other night, leaving Knicks fans cheering and prompting Ted Green to write a flowery article about him in the Los Angeles Times that included this passage:

His one big mistake in Colorado, followed by the ugly divorce from Shaq, made it easy for the haters, gave them plenty of ammunition, and they happily loaded up, some still firing to this day. But today, it all seems so old, so 2004, so tired, past-tense and out of touch. So childish.

In the same paper, you'll find this: "Michael Phelps could face criminal charges in South Carolina."

Because he smoked pot.

Women's Resource Center has no position regarding Michael Phelps' alleged drug use, but we do find it interesting that the media is so outraged over the message that drug use sends to children that those of us who don't even follow sports have heard the story. However, even those of us who do follow professional athletics hear little, if anything, about the myriad of charges against athletes who are violent against women, as if violence is perfectly ok to model for children. Think this isn't indicative of our society's priorities?

Arizona State University has settled a lawsuit with a rape survivor. The victim in the case was raped in her dorm room by a student who had been previously kicked out of school after accusations of rape, inappropriate sexual comments and touching, and exposing himself to female students and staff. The Arizona Republic reports that he "was allowed to return to campus in August 2003 and to rejoin the football team, but he received no counseling."

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Domestic violence is never okay

This month, two players for the Pittsburgh Steelers were charged in separate domestic violence incidents within 11 days of one another. However, while wide receiver Cedrick Wilson was released from his contract, linebacker James Harrison is being allowed to remain with the team. Both men assaulted the mother of their children. Both men were charged with simple assault. There appear to be only two differences between these men. The first is Harrison's alleged motivation.

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it," [Dan] Rooney [team chairman] said of Harrison's initial intent with his son. "He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn't want to do it."

Harrison is charged with breaking down the door to his girlfriend's home, breaking her cell phone in half as she attempted to call 911, and slapping her in the face, knocking off her glasses. Apparently, this kind of conduct is perfectly acceptable in the NFL if it is done for religious reasons. As Feministing's Vanessa Valenti notes,

While the Steelers are getting quite the rep for violence against women as of late, the team managers have turned a blind eye to a player slapping his girlfriend because what he was trying to do "was really well worth it."

When the Steelers were accused of condoning domestic violence, they released a statement to "clarify" that they do not approve of domestic violence for any reason, but that "each incident must be considered on a case-by-case basis."

Melissa McEwan at Shakesville brought up another interesting difference between these two players' "cases" that is worth examining.

....[W]hat's also notable is that the man who was released from his contract assaulted his ex-girlfriend, while the man who was retained on the team assaulted his current girlfriend—and undoubtedly the still-pervasive attitude that domestic violence is "between a man and his woman" affected the decision. As long as she stays with him, as long as she's willing to suffer the abuse, that's "their" business.

The ex-girlfriend, by virtue of her "ex" status, no longer belonged to Wilson, so it's easy to see why his hitting her was wrong. But things are always muddier, somehow, when it's a current girlfriend or wife, which signifies our collective belief that men still have some ownership of women with whom they're in a relationship, and therefore have more right to do ugly things to them than men who don't have any claim over them.

Many women in violent relationships feel judged by the outside world because of the pervasive societal notion that if they are unhappy, they should just leave. There are many reasons that women do not leave violent relationships. There are economic considerations, religious beliefs, emotional attachment, the societal belief that a "broken home" is bad for children, family pressures, and a host of other issues for women to consider. A less expected but very prevalent reason that women stay in violent relationships is safety. Abusers often threaten to kill their victims, themselves, their victim's family, and/or their children if they ever try to escape or expose the abuse. Also, statistically, a woman in a violent relationship is most likely to be killed after she leaves or while she is in the process of leaving.

Given the societal prejudice, it would not be surprising if that was a real factor in the Steeler's "case-by-case" decision to keep Harrison on the team. Email the Steelers or call their administrative offices at (412) 432-7800 and tell them that there is no case in which condoning violence against women is appropriate.

Should you rape a woman?

The Australian Football League is making an interactive DVD as part of their efforts to improve players' respect for women. Respect and responsibility program co-ordinator Melanie Heenan says it's purpose is to "prompt confident decision-making in situations that can be quite complex".

We are always thrilled when a professional athletics organization takes a step to deal with violence against women. However, we are disappointed that the type of training being implemented by the AFL is actually necessary. Melinda Tankard Reist says it best:

We have so failed in the very basics of civilised human interaction that the Australian Football League has been forced to hire a swag of actors and a film crew to make an interactive DVD to help players understand that perhaps it's not a good idea to pretend to be your best mate so you can have sex with his girlfriend.

As sarcastic is it sounds, Reist's chosen scenario is drawn from an actual draft question from the training DVD's script. Among the drafts released to the public are the complicated moral dilemmas of whether or not to trick a woman into having sex with you, take of advantage of a woman who is very intoxicated, or watch people have sex without their permission. In respect to these questions, blogger Melissa McEwan comments,

That these are considered complex ethical questions is just completely insane to me. It's like being asked: "You see your friend Todd walking down the street toward you. Do you: (a) say hello or (b) hit him in the head with a shovel?"

In her column, Ms. Reist goes on to say that it does not seem that the DVD will address the seriousness of sexual assault and that it is playing on negative stereotypes of women. She also believes that the actions of the AFL are a reflection of a larger culture of contempt for women as exemplified by an Australian made t-shirt that reads "It's not rape, it's surprise sex."

Playboy's Sexiest Sportscasters

Playboy is hosting its second "America's Sexist Sportscaster" poll, and voting is currently underway on their website. ABC Sports Corespondent Suzy Shuster reflects on the ridiculousness of the list, as well as the double-standard to which women in sports-related fields are held. She writes:

That reminds me of one of the most bizarre and consternating moments of my career. On the way to a game at Ohio State a few years back, one of my ABC Sports broadcast colleagues, a former SEC Head Coach says to me out the blue, "Suzy, you think you'd do better in your career if you got a boob job?"

As insane as the question sounded at the time to me and my other partners, maybe he was on to something judging by the tone of the posts. It shouldn't take a $15,000 procedure to get ahead in the world of TV sports, but that seems to be the only thing being debated, not the quality and content of the reporting.

Read the full post here.