Benevolent Sexism

Readers, have you ever gotten a "compliment" that seemed intended to genuinely be a compliment that nonetheless didn't feel quite so good? Scientific American actually recently examined that topic in a great article on benevolent sexism.

In 1996, Peter Glick and Susan Fiske wrote a paper on the concept of ambivalent sexism, noting that despite common beliefs, there are actually two different kinds of sexist attitudes and behavior. Hostile sexism is what most people think of when they picture “sexism” – angry, explicitly negative attitudes towards women. However, the authors note, there is also something called benevolent sexism:

We define benevolent sexism as a set of interrelated attitudes toward women that are sexist in terms of viewing women stereotypically and in restricted roles but that are subjectively positive in feeling tone (for the perceiver) and also tend to elicit behaviors typically categorized as prosocial (e.g., helping) or intimacy-seeking (e.g., self-disclosure) (Glick & Fiske, 1996, p. 491).

[Benevolent sexism is] a subjectively positive orientation of protection, idealization, and affection directed toward women that, like hostile sexism, serves to justify women’s subordinate status to men (Glick et al., 2000, p. 763).

Essentially, there’s now a formal name for all of those comments and stereotypes that can somehow feel both nice and wrong at the same time, such as the belief that women are “delicate flowers” that need to be protected by men, or the notion that women have the special gift of being “more kind and caring” than their male counterparts. And yes, it might sound complimentary, but it still counts as sexism.

Benevolent sexism also still counts as a problem and still contributes to society treating women as second-class citizens. Check out the full article here for all of the ways how.

What's The Difference Between Anger and Abuse?

We face this question a lot in anti-domestic violence work. People like to write off batterers' behavior, even homicides, as explosive anger that should be treated by anger management classes, rather than as systematic, planned behavior that focuses on control. The Marriage Counseling Blog has a pretty good breakdown on the difference between anger and the behaviors typically associated with domestic abuse.

Anger is a natural and normal feeling. However, the behaviors people exhibit when they feel angry may or may not be acceptable. Abuse should not be tolerated.

The underlying reasons for angry behaviors and abusive behaviors are different. When people are angry they may lash out or say things they don’t mean out of difficulty being rational while feeling so upset. Angry feelings can cause people to do or say some things they might not normally do and say. This, however, shouldn’t be used as an excuse.

Abusive behaviors tend to be a lot more purposeful. Abusive behaviors are meant to control the other person. Various strategies ranging from intimidation and guilt may be used as manipulation tactics.

...

When behaviors become abusive, the person doesn’t take responsibility for the behaviors. They may deny that the abuse occurred or minimize the seriousness of it. They may also blame the other person.

In contrast, people who exhibit angry behaviors can take responsibility for their role. They can admit to crossing the line if they became angry and yelled or behaved inappropriately. They also work on making changes so that it won’t happen again.

The final statement is possibly the most important. Those who use violence against their partners are much less likely to take responsibility for their actions than those who simply have difficulty controlling their anger. Thus, traditional anger management classes, and even many batterers intervention programs based on an anger management model, don't work for perpetrators of family violence because they don't feel that they have any changes to make. We need to acknowledge domestic violence for what it is - a series of behaviors that are tactics one partner uses to control the other - before we can begin effectively helping batterers to change.

Murder is Leading Cause of Death for Pregnant Women

Murder has been confirmed once again to be the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the US.

Roughly half of those women who died violently had had some sort of conflict with their current or former partners leading up to the death, causing experts to call for more thorough screening and follow up for domestic problems during pregnancy check-ups.

"I think that there's still an under-appreciation of the risk (for murder and suicide) and probably less screening than should be done," said Dr. Linda Chambliss, director of maternal fetal medicine at St. Joseph's Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix, who did not participate in the new work.

The study shows that about three out of every 100,000 women who are pregnant or have a child less than one year old are murdered, and two out of every 100,000 kill themselves.

Those numbers remained fairly constant from 2003 to 2007, the years that the researchers examined.

This is why it is vitally important for all medical professionals, but especially for OBGYNs, midwives, doulas, and others who provide care for pregnant women to screen for domestic violence and to have information available about community resources. Please encourage your doctors, nurses, and those you know if the medical field to contact us at (404) 370-7670 for training, information, or brochures to keep at their practices.

The Best DV Article Ever (So Far)

This is a really great article that tells survivors' stories respectfully, doesn't victim-blame, and does a great job of illustrating many of the common issues that survivors of domestic violence face. All around, it is a fantastic article. We don't get to say that very often, so we encourage you to click through and read.

What We're Willing to Overlook

John Rosemond is a parenting advice columnist for the Columbia Tribune. A few weeks ago, he responded to a mother concerned that her daughter's boyfriend constantly puts her down. His advice was so off the mark that even one of his colleagues at the Tribune called him out.

For those of you who missed the column, (and don't want to follow the link), the basic story is that the mother of a 19-year-old girl wrote in asking for advice regarding her daughter's boyfriend, who although devoid of icky habits like smoking and partying, never misses the chance to put her down, dismiss her accomplishments or mock her. Dr. Rosemond's suggestion to the mother was to overlook this one "annoying habit" and do everything she can to keep him around. After all, he states, " The likelihood of her finding another boy her age who has a coherent plan for the future ... is slim."

So in a nutshell, parents, let's not worry about how our children's boyfriends or girlfriends TREAT them, as long as they don't smoke, plan on getting a job and haven't ever been in prison. Is this for real? Is he actually excusing this young man for being a jerk because he aspires to be something other than a Wilco groupie? I think America's young people might want to set the bar a tad higher.

The disturbing part of this whole thing is that Rosemond is supposed to be an informed professional. He's a psychologist as well as a father himself and has been writing books, giving lectures and fielding inquiries for many years. Yet, he failed to take this opportunity to help this mother and this girl (as well as his readers) to realize this is a case of emotional abuse.

Just because a teen isn't experiencing or using physical violence, that doesn't mean their relationship isn't a problem. Put-downs and other tactics that one person in a relationship uses to hurt the other are also abusive. Most often, emotionally abusive tactics are used to make the victim feel bad about herself, convincing her that no one else will want her. Once the abuser feels certain that she won't leave him, physical abuse often follows. Even if there is never physical abuse, emotional abuse should be taken seriously, because everyone deserves to feel valued and respected in a relationship. If you fear that your teen is experiencing or perpetrating emotional abuse, don't overlook it. It can be stopped and our kids deserve better.

More About Reproductive Coercion

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Doctors, Just Ask

Reproduction coercion, a term used to describe tactics men use to control the reproductive lives of their partners, is very common in relationships that involve violence. Coercive tactics can include forcing women to have sex or perform sex acts they find distasteful, refusing to use or interfering with the use of contraceptives, forcing women to carry unwanted pregnancies to term, or forcing women who would choose to carry a pregnancy to term to have an abortion. Reproductive coercion is present in the lives of many teenage girls who become pregnant.

A new study reveals that all doctors and other health professionals need to do to reduce the prevalence of reproduction coercion is to ask women about it.

In two of the clinics, women patients were asked whether their boyfriends had pressured them to get pregnant (for instance, by threatening to dump them if they didn’t get knocked up). Clinic workers also asked patients whether their boyfriends had sabotaged their birth control (such as by breaking condoms on purpose or hiding birth control pills).

In the two comparison clinics, patients were treated as usual.

Three to six months later, researchers followed up with all of the patients to see if they had been coerced into getting pregnant. Among women who were recent victims of intimate partner violence, the patients who were asked about pregnancy coercion and birth control sabotage were 71% less likely to become pregnant against their will, according to the study. They were also more likely to break up with their boyfriends – 52% of them did, compared with 45% of their counterparts who were treated at the clinic where pregnancy coercion and birth control sabotage weren’t discussed.

The results were published online this week in the journal Contraception.

The researchers speculated that the higher rate of break-ups contributed to the lower rate of unwanted pregnancies. The findings suggest that educating women about pregnancy coercion and birth control sabotage can empower women to get out of unsafe relationships.

If all it takes to reduce the rate of reproductive coercion is talking about it, please talk about it! Talk about it with your doctor or other healthcare providers and encourage them to contact their local domestic violence agency for tips on discussing it with their patients. Or, if you are a healthcare provider, please begin asking the question and have the phone number or pamphlet of your local domestic violence advocacy agency close at hand for those who need it. How could you justify not doing something so simple that can have such an impact on a woman's life?

Husband Causes Car Accident That Kills Wife

We cannot begin to tell you how often we hear of abusers putting their partners in danger in the car. Batterers will, like in this case, jerk the wheel while she is driving, hit her while she is driving, open the car door and attempt to push her out, or use many other tactics that could be dangerous to those in the car and to other drivers. Unfortunately, a jerked wheel in this case resulted in the death of a woman and injuries to her ten-year-old daughter.

Accident investigators believe Lawrenceville resident Eddie Waters, 35, grabbed the steering wheel of a southbound 2003 Buick Regal on Monfort Road about 6:30 p.m., causing the driver — his wife — to plow through a mailbox and utility pole, finally striking a tree.

Waters’ wife, Ruby Spencer, 39, of Lawrenceville, died at the scene. Waters — the front passenger — and a 10-year-old girl seated behind him were hospitalized with injuries that weren’t life-threatening, said Gwinnett police spokesman Cpl. Brian Kelly.

The child is Spencer’s daughter, Kelly said.

Waters was later arrested and booked at the Gwinnett County Jail on felony involuntary manslaughter and misdemeanor reckless conduct charges. He remained jailed Tuesday morning on $16,900 bond.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Spencer family.

Texting: the New Trend in Dating Violence

We've covered this before, but more media outlets are taking notice of use of text messaging in domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking.

The text messages to the 22-year-old Virginia woman arrived during the day and night, sometimes 20 or 30 at once. Her ex-boyfriend wanted her back. He would not be refused. He texted and called 758 times.

In New York, a 17-year-old trying to break up with her boyfriend got fewer messages, but they were menacing. "You don't need nobody else but me," read one. Another threatened to kill her.

The harassed often feel compelled to answer the messages, whether they are one-word insults or 3 a.m. demands. Texts arrive in class, at the dinner table, in movie theaters -- 100 or more a day, for some.

Harassment is "just easier now, and it's even more persistent and constant, with no letting up," says Claire Kaplan, director of sexual and domestic violence services at the University of Virginia, which became the focus of national attention in May with the killing of 22-year-old lacrosse player Yeardley Love.

Police have charged Love's ex-boyfriend, George Huguely V, also 22, with first-degree murder and allege that he removed her computer from the crime scene as he fled. Police were investigating whether Huguely sent Love threatening e-mails or text messages.

Text messages allow batterers and stalkers to get their message across whether or not their former partner answers the phone. Harassment can be constant and recipients cannot decline receipt of the message if the sender can just switch phones. They can delete messages, but sometimes can't do so without opening the message first. It can be very hard to open a message like this without reading it.

Batterers also use text messages to monitor their victims' whereabouts.

In Rockville, a woman in her 20s was so closely tracked that her partner insisted that she text him photos to prove her whereabouts -- each with a clock displaying the time, says Hannah Sassoon, coordinator of Montgomery County's domestic violence response team.

Katalina Posada, 22, a recent graduate of the University of Maryland, says one of her friends is frequently texted by a jealous boyfriend. "It's like the 20 questions a parent would ask," she says, adding that she finally told her friend: "This isn't right."

On the flip side, saving the messages can help a victim get a criminal warrant for threats or file a restraining order. Judges are more likely to grant such protections if the victim can provide proof of harassment or threats.

In the case involving the 22-year-old who received 758 messages from her ex-boyfriend -- all unanswered -- the harassment led to stalking charges and a protective order, Kirkland says.

It's very important for parents to educate their children about domestic violence, and for adults to share information about warning signs with their friends and family. Texting can be very private and others may not know about threats or harassment until it is too late.

In a recent survey, nearly one in four of those ages 14 to 24 reported that partners check in multiple times a day to see where they are or who they are with, and more than one in 10 said partners demanded passwords, according to a survey by the Associated Press and MTV.

One challenge is that many teens do not view excessive texting as a problem and may not recognize abusive behaviors. "If you're getting 50 messages an hour and you want 50 messages an hour, that's not a problem," says Marjorie Gilberg, executive director of Break the Cycle, which works to end dating violence. "But if you're getting 50 messages an hour and you don't even want one, that's very different."

These sorts of topics are addressed through a teen help line called Love Is Respect and several national awareness campaigns, including MTV's effort on digital abuse, A Thin Line, a joint effort on digital dating abuse called That's Not Cool and the initiative Love Is Not Abuse.

In California, Jill Murray says her cases have included a 16-year-old whose ex-boyfriend paid four friends to help him text when he was asleep or at work. "It was like psychological torture."

Murray urges parents to pay more attention to their children's texting lives, checking to see how many messages they get, at what hour and from whom. "Parents don't know this is going on whatsoever," she says.

That's why it's so important to make yourself available to friends or family members who may be experiencing domestic violence. Do not judge their choices but instead let them know that you are supportive of them but that you fear for their safety. Abusive partners will often try to isolate their victims from their support systems. If you let a woman know that you are there for her no matter what, she may be more likely to share threatening or worrisome text messages with you. You can then let her know how serious this behavior is and encourage her to reach out for help.

Man Forces Pregnant Ex To Drink Bleach

In a story that provides credence to our recent post on reproductive coercion, the AJC is reporting that a Savannah man was arrested for forcing his pregnant ex-girlfriend to drink bleach.

Authorities say Alexis Milton is wanted on an aggravated assault charge. The charge stems from a June 10 incident in which authorities allege Milton walked into the unidentified victim's home and told everyone but her to leave. Savannah-Chatham Police spokeswoman Gena Moore says the victim alleges Milton then forced her to drink an unspecified amount of bleach or be killed, then punched her several times and took off.

This crime is especially egregious because the victim is pregnant, and it is hard to believe that her pregnancy was not a motive in this particular offense. Abusers often try to force their partners to miscarry or to have abortions they do not want. If the child survives such treatment, there are often major long-term health effects. Pregnancy is a time when abuse often increases, and it is vital that women experiencing abuse during pregnancy seek help. It is also important for obstetricians and midwives to receive training on the warning signs of domestic violence. Prenatal appointments can be an opportune time for doctors to discuss safety options with women without their partners present. If you are pregnant and would like to speak with an advocate, or if you work with pregnant women and would like to bring a domestic violence training into your workplace, please call our 24-hour hotline at 404-688-9436. (Outside of metro Atlanta: 1-800-33-HAVEN. Outside of Georgia: 1-800-799-SAFE.)

Pregnancy and Abuse

When thinking about teen pregnancy, most people think about preventing it. That debate usually centers on sexual education and what a sex ed curriculum should contain. Not long ago, the media took notice of some teenage girls who actually wanted to be pregnant. But very rarely do we hear about teenage boys who want to get their girlfriends pregnant, with or without their consent.

Leyla W. couldn't figure out where her birth control pills kept going. One day a few tablets would be missing; the next, the whole container. Her then-boyfriend shrugged and said he hadn’t seen them. She believed him—until she found them in his drawer. When she confronted him, he hit her. "That was his way of shutting me up," says Leyla, who is in her mid-20s and living in Northern California. (For her safety, Leyla wishes to withhold her last name and hometown.) He also raped her and, most days, left her locked in a bedroom with a bit of food and water while he went to work. (A roommate took pity and let her out until he came home.) Thanks to the missed pills, she got pregnant twice, the second time deciding against abortion.

Leyla's story turns a modern fable on its head: that of the woman—call her the femme fertile—who conspires to get pregnant, perhaps by "forgetting" to take her birth control pills, as a way to “trap a man” and force marriage—or at least keep him in her life. In reality, experts researchers on dating violence and unintended pregnancy say, it’s Leyla's version of that story is all too common. Two new studies have quantified what advocates for young women’s health have observed for years: the striking frequency with which it is in fact young men who try to force their partners to get pregnant. Their goal: not to settle down as family men but rather to exert what is perhaps the most intimate, and lasting, form of control. (“Control” may also include attempts to force both pregnancy and abortion, even in the same relationship.) Together with earlier small-scale studies and reports by those in the field, the new figures help fill out the picture of a long-known, but under-addressed, phenomenon now referred to as "reproductive coercion,” in which abusive partners subject young women already at risk of violence to the additional health risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. The new data confirm that we must expand not only our assumptions about who’s forcing whom to get pregnant but also our understanding of the meaning and causes of “unwanted” pregnancy. “If we are serious about stopping unplanned pregnancy in this country, we simply must address the sexual violence and reproductive control that often cause it,” says Esta Soler, president of the Family Violence Prevention Fund, which has been a leading advocate on the issue.

A new study has found that among 71 women aged 18-49 with a history of intimate partner violence, 74 percent reported having experienced some form of reproductive control, including forced unprotected intercourse, failure to withdraw as promised or sabotaging of condoms. Women who became pregnant were coerced to proceed in accordance with the wishes of their partners, who in some cases threatened to kill them if they had an abortion. Study authors Ann Moore, Lori Frohwirth and Elizabeth Miller, MD, recommend that service providers in women’s health clinics ask questions designed to identify women who may be experiencing reproductive coercion, and should be aware that some women may need birth control (such as IUDs) that can be hidden from partners.

Though this article focuses on teens, the issue isn't limited to one age group. Many adult women who come to us for services report similar tactics being used against them, and unplanned pregnancy has profound consequences for their lives too. It is a lot easier to flee an abusive home with one child than with three. It is a lot easier to find a job that supports three people than five. And it is a lot easier to stay completely away from someone if you don't have children linking you together forever. Pregnancy also increases the intensity of family violence and makes just being in the relationship even more dangerous. Teen or adult, if you suspect that your partner is sabotaging your birth control or is trying to get you pregnant against your wishes, please call us at 404-370-7670. We'd like to help before things get worse.

If you are outside the metro Atlanta area and need help, call the GA statewide hotline at 1-800-33-HAVEN (42836). Elsewhere in the US, you can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Campaign in England Targets Abusive Attitudes

A new education campaign in Wales is taking on the same challenge as this blog: trying to help the public connect every day behaviors that are demeaning to or dismissive of women to a culture that perpetuates violence against those women.

A TV advert shows "abusive" behaviour towards a woman, including being leered at and enduring sexist comments.

Social Justice Minister Carl Sargeant said while that could seem harmless to men, women can feel threatened.

Welsh Women's Aid said tackling "widespread social attitudes" was crucial.

The advert shows a gang of men in a van sounding their horn and gesturing at the woman in the street, a male office colleague ogling her, and two strangers in a bar making suggestive remarks as she passes.

The video ends with her being followed down a dark street by another man, with the headline One Step Too Far.

It then asks: "To you it's nothing, but it all adds up. Where does 'harmless' end and 'abusive' begin?"

The Welsh Assembly Government said the campaign aimed to "stamp out unacceptable attitudes and behaviour towards women before it leads to more violent forms of abuse".

Mr Sargeant said: "Whilst the odd comment or gesture may seem harmless enough, to the woman on the receiving end they can feel threatening and abusive.

"Any behaviour that intimidates a woman should not be tolerated. If the campaign makes people stop and think then it will have served its purpose."

Campaigners say social attitudes towards woman must be challenged Paula Hardy, chief executive of Welsh Women's Aid, said the campaign linked "everyday behaviours which demean women (and the attitudes underlying these behaviours) with the epidemic social problem of violence against women.

"The link is essentially gender inequality - which the assembly government now recognises as both a cause and a consequence of violence against women."

Click through to the BBC here to watch the ad.

Yes, this is DV

In Covington:

The Covington Police Department and Covington/Newton County SWAT responded to a Forest Drive residence Tuesday evening where a man apparently shot and killed himself inside his ex-wife’s home.

According to Lt. Wendell Wagstaff, Gary Darby, 46, a resident of Virginia, was found inside the residence shortly after police arrived.

Wagstaff said the police were called to the residence around 5:30 p.m. in reference to a burglary in progress.

“(The ex-wife) had said she left her residence about 8:30 on the 16th and when she returned around 5:30 p.m. she observed her ex-husband’s vehicle backed up into the carport and the entry door to the residence was damaged,” Wagstaff said.

The resident did not want to enter the house and called police, Wagstaff said. When police arrived on the scene, they tried to make contact with the ex-husband but were unsuccessful, Wagstaff said. He added that a suicide note was found inside the man’s vehicle, and that’s when SWAT was called in.

Wagstaff said it was determined that Darby was deceased before police arrived.

Yes, we would consider this domestic violence. Remember, domestic violence isn't specifically about using violence or abusive language against a partner, although those tactics are common. Domestic violence is about power and control. We may never know exactly what Darby was trying to communicate, but he broke into his ex-wife's house and clearly meant her to find his body. He may have threatened to kill himself if she didn't take him back or do something else he wanted. He may have claimed that she ruined his life and wanted to punish her with guilt. Or he may simply have been done with life but wanted to use his last action to continue to harass her with trauma, law enforcement investigation, and clean-up costs. Either way, there seemed to be a history of domestic violence since she was afraid to enter her home with his truck in the driveway, and this appears to be one final escalation of that violence.

Bill Would Protect Pets From Domestic Violence

A bill up for consideration in the Georgia Legislature this year would add pets as protected parties under domestic violence protective orders.

Animal rights advocates and domestic violence prevention groups have united behind the bill. They say it will help prevent situations like the vicious beating of a pet dachshund that occurred in Gwinnett County last week. Dainley Green, accused of beating his family's pet dachshund in front of his children, was charged in the case.

The dog was still bleeding and had bloodshot eyes from being strangled when deputies arrived at the Lawrenceville home. Authorities were tipped off to the abuse when Green's wife filed for a temporary protective order.

"If you think about it in a domestic violence way, people are so attached to their pets now," said state Rep. Sharon Cooper (R-Marietta), who sponsored HB 429. "One way to really hurt the person you're trying to control is to go after the pet."

The bill, which made it out of a House committee last year but missed the deadline for crossover to the Senate, would let judges order an alleged abuser to refrain from harming family pets. It also would allow the judge to direct the care, custody or control of a pet. The law would not apply to livestock, working animals, laboratory animals or sport animals.

Cooper said the bill went back to the Judiciary Non-Civil Committee, where she will ask for it to be resurrected this year.

Batterers often use pets to control family members, domestic abuse experts say. According to a national survey of family violence shelters conducted by university researchers in 1997, 71 percent of victims reported that their abusers threatened, injured or killed the family pets.

Nicole Lesser, director of the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said securing protection for pets is a big issue in the field of domestic violence.

"I don't think you'll hear any opposition to that in the domestic violence world," Lesser said. "I've had many clients say, ‘If I can't take my dog, I can't leave.'"

The Ahimsa House is a Decatur-based nonprofit organization that takes in the pets of domestic violence victims, providing shelter for them in a network of foster homes and boarding facilities. The organization's president, Maya Gupta, said it has received 709 crisis calls and sheltered about 150 animals since 2007. A majority of the pets they see have injuries or illness resulting from neglect, Gupta said.

"It's such an under-recognized thing that people don't realize," Gupta said.

In issuing a protective order, courts can order a person to refrain from domestic violence, authorize a dangerous person to be evicted from a home or force them to provide housing elsewhere for a partner, and set up child and spousal support payments. Cooper's bill would allow pets to be included.

Eleven states have already passed similar pet-protection laws, according to the Humane Society of the United States.

Chesta Drake, a retired school counselor who volunteers for the Humane Society, and others involved with the organization will be at the Capitol next week urging passage of Cooper's bill. She said what happened to the Green family's pet dachshund shows just how timely the legislation is.

"So many times animals are used just like this to threaten or control or horrify the family," Drake said.

We'll have more updates for you on ways you can take action to help pass this bill.

Victim's Child Kidnapped By Gunpoint

It's a parent's worst nightmare and one that the women we serve suffer all too regularly.

Richmond County Investigators are searching for a man whom they say kidnapped his 6-year-old son at gunpoint from the child's home Monday night.

Maurice Leon Holland, 27, of Pearl Avenue, is wanted on charges of kidnapping, terroristic threats and acts and gun charges, according to Richmond County Sgt. Blaise Dresser.

About 5 p.m. last night, witnesses said Holland forced his way into his child's mother's home at gunpoint, a sheriff's report said.

The mother, Latasha White, wasn't home at the time so Holland took the child and fled the home. Sgt. Dresser said they located the boy last night at an apartment in Olmstead Homes off Broad Street and he was returned to his mother. White had previously filed charges against Holland for terroistic threats and acts, Sgt. Dresser said.

"She claims to have been getting terrorized by this man since she broke up with him," he said.

Many batterers know that the quickest way to frighten their partners is to threaten their children. The fear that he will take her children is one of the top reasons women stay in violent relationships and preventing that from happening is often a woman's primary concern once she leaves. Men often use their children as a means to continue to have contact with former partners, and men who have a history of domestic violence are more likely to receive joint custody because they are significantly more likely to ask for it. We need to protect future generations of children from learning abusive behavior from abusive parents by taking domestic violence seriously when making custody decisions. Judges - don't order custody or unsupervised visitation for parents who have a history of abusing a spouse or partner. Moms - don't let anyone make you feel guilty for keeping your children away from a parent who will teach them that violence is acceptable.

I'm Moving to Athens

Because Athens takes domestic violence seriously.

Depression, jealousy, substance abuse, unemployment and even pregnancy can be warning signs that a troubled relationship is headed toward murder.

Domestic violence experts call these clues "lethality factors," and after a particularly deadly 2009, Athens-Clarke police plan to revamp their reporting system to document those risk factors in the future.

"We're working on putting lethality factors in reports so when they get to the investigators, they can determine where they need to go with them," said Lt. David Leedahl of the Athens-Clarke Police Department's Centralized Criminal Investigations division.

"The higher the lethality factors are, the higher the risk is" that a victim might be seriously harmed or killed, Leedahl said.

Police will track lethality factors to help prioritize cases, and prosecutors will look at those circumstances to fast-track the most dangerous abusers through court, and judges will consider them when deciding whether to set bail, Athens-Clarke Solicitor General C.R. Chisholm said.

"On the standard report, officers don't have a list of lethality factors, so this is going to make it easier for them to check things off," Chisholm said.

Looking for and documenting lethality factors is just one way authorities are trying to prevent another year like 2009, when a record 10 people were killed in Clarke County because of domestic violence.

Two weeks ago, police tripled the number of investigators assigned to work domestic violence cases, from two to six.

That means the average monthly caseload for a domestic violence investigator should drop from 45 cases to about 20, according to Leedahl.

"That's a more manageable number," he said. "It will allow investigators to get more in-depth in their cases and lead to more prosecutions."

The Georgia Criminal Justice Coordinating Council funded the new investigator positions, under the Violence Against Women Act, partly because the grant application cited the huge spike in domestic violence murders, according to Leedahl.

"We certainly don't want to see a repeat of last year," he said.

Chisholm's office also received a CJCC grant that will soon let him hire a prosecutor dedicated to handling domestic violence cases in State Court, just as the district attorney has for Superior Court cases.

"We want someone who will be handling cases from the arraignment on," Chisholm said. "We want prosecutors meeting not just with victims and witnesses, but going to the (crime) scene and being more active with their communications between victims, detectives and domestic violence services so that we can reduce, if not eliminate, the possibility of information slipping through the cracks."

Hiring more detectives and prosecutors will help better protect domestic violence victims, but just adding lethality factors to police reports could have a dramatic impact, said Joan Prittie, executive director of Project Safe, a nonprofit that helps victims of domestic violence,

"Lethality factors are useful because they focus on aspects of domestic violence that are really significant in the potential for danger," Prittie said.

When she trains police officers and others about domestic violence, Prittie uses an example to show how lethality factors can predict violence:

An Athens woman broke up with her abusive boyfriend, but he found out where she moved and pestered her with notes, flowers and promises to treat her better. One night he banged on the woman's door and refused to leave, threatening to get a relative's gun and kill himself.

The woman called the police, who charged the man with criminal trespass, because he hadn't threatened or hurt the woman or committed any other crimes.

"If you looked at what happened in the traditional way, it doesn't seem that frightening," Prittie said.

"If someone who knew about lethality factors had talked to (the victim), they would have learned she was pregnant, he had a substance abuse problem, the abuse escalated prior to her leaving, and he was unemployed," she said.

Abusers like to feel they are in control, but they might feel it slipping away when they don't have a job or the victim gets pregnant and changes her priorities to focus on her child, Prittie explained.

"Sure enough, in this case, the guy came back and shot her, but amazingly she survived," she said. "If the police had been using lethality factors, then this case of criminal trespass rises to the stack of all they have to investigate. And the magistrate, instead of just saying this is just a criminal trespass case says, 'OK, we need to set a high bond or get a no-contact order,' and the prosecutor can put this offender on the fast-track."

These are the 14 most general recognized lethality factors, indications that an abusive relationship might end with serious violence or death:

The abuser:

• Choked the victim
• Sexually assaulted the victim
• Has gotten more violent
• Made death threats
• Has access to firearms
• Abuses drugs or alcohol
• Lives with the victim or knows where to find him/her
• Tries to control the victim and has jealous tendencies
• Suffers from depression or has suicidal thoughts
• Harasses the victim through stalking and other means
• Doesn't have a job

The victim:

• Left the abuser or is trying to
• Has a strong feeling of terror
• Is pregnant

As Technology Advances, So Does Battery

From the Baldwin Bulletin Online comes an interesting story that agencies like ours know a lot about:

Cell phones.

Love ’em or hate ’em, they are a big part of today’s world. Some people claim that cell phones improve their quality of life, making things easier and more convenient. At the Solicitor General’s Office, however, cell phones are making things difficult and more complicated.

The Solicitor General’s Office dealt with more than 100 cell-phone-related complaints in 2009. Many complaints dealt with threatening or harassing text messages, also known as textual harassment. Other cases, meanwhile, centered around hurtful photographs, videos and “forwards,” according to Solicitor Maxine Blackwell.

“A lot of people wouldn’t believe the sorts of things that victims show us on their cell phones. It’s just awful. It certainly has caused my view of the world to become warped,” said Blackwell. “Five years ago, we never saw any cases involving cell phones in this office. Now, it’s through the roof. It’s a problem that grows with each passing month.”

Our desire to be reachable 24/7 also means that batterers or stalkers can have 24-hour reach. We've seen plenty of men who start texting when their former partners refuse to pick up the phone, sometimes hundreds of times an hour. Lots of batterers insist that they be able to look through their partner's phones to see who she has called, who has called her, and whose number she may be storing. Men may take their partner's phone to keep her from receiving calls when she's looking for a job and he doesn't want her to work. Women often testify that their partners smashed their phones when they were trying to seek help, leaving those women who do not have a home phone without a way to contact police. Men may also threaten or carry out a threat to forward explicit personal photos of their partners taken on their phone as a way to shame them or damage their reputation.

But cell phones also have their advantages. The AJC recently reported the story of an ingenious woman who led her abusive boyfriend right to police. Because she called the police station on the way in, a S.W.A.T. team was waiting. Having abusive text messages saved on your phone will certainly help get a criminal warrant or protective order because they are proof of threats or harassment that you can show a judge. And having a phone number that you can take with you as you move from your home to a safehouse or from the safehouse to an apartment means that you can always stay connected to job prospects, family, or your children's school.

Unfortunately, as technology advances so does our abuse of it, and until we as a society are clear that violence against women is unacceptable, batterers will continue to get better and more clever at what they do.

Speaker Richardson's Domestic Violence History

We're a few weeks behind on this one, but a domestic violence scandal is rocking Georgia politics, though very few people are labeling it as such. From Fox 5 news:

ATLANTA (MyFOX ATLANTA) - It was a political bombshell that rocked the state Capitol. This month, House Speaker Glenn Richardson announced that he had tried to take his own life. Richardson blamed the suicide attempt on depression resulting from his divorce. On Monday, Richardson's ex-wife told her side of the story.

Susan Richardson said she wanted Georgia voters to know why she divorced her husband and what led up to his surprising announcement. Richardson said she could no longer keep her ex-husband's secrets.

In the interview (linked in full above), Susan Richardson describes a relationship based on power and control. In a responding opinion piece, Shelley Serdahaley, Executive Director of our partner organization Men Stopping Violence, filters Mrs. Richardson' interview through a DV lens.

Susan Richardson recently spoke with the press to challenge the statement by her ex-husband, Georgia House Speaker Glen Richardson, that his suicide attempt had been prompted by his depression over their divorce.

"It's not about our marriage ending. He's lost control of me. He doesn't like that," said Richardson.

"He called me from his hospital room, the next day, and said, 'Now, are you going to take me back?'”

The behaviors she described are the kinds of actions that must be acknowledged as abuse if we are truly serious about ending violence against women.

In the Diane Sawyer interview, Rhianna helped us understand how a beautiful and powerful young woman could be the victim of domestic violence. In much the same way, Susan Richardson helps us understand the many ways abusers exert power and control over their partners, without actually striking them.

Ms. Richardson stated that her ex-husband told her he would beat her. He threatened her with the loss of custody of her children. He left 49 text messages on her phone, including threats that he would have the state patrol and Georgia Bureau of Investigation hunt her down when she left town.

Physical threats, threatening the loss of children, and stalking are all calculated to instill fear in the victim. They are tactics used by an abuser to control his victim’s behavior, to get his own way. Other tactics include physical intimidation, withholding money, infidelity, put-downs, and making it difficult for her to spend time with friends or family.

While no one should take major depression lightly, threats of suicide are a classic tactic that abusive men use to manipulate their partners and ex-partners into submitting to their demands.

When the murders occur, it is time for us to mourn. When we witness abuse, it is time to act. As the leaders of the Republican Party figure out what to do with this “situation”, I hope that they recognize that one thing they need to do is take a stand. Stand for women’s safety and say that all forms of abuse are wrong.

Update 12/29/09: Another elected official in Georgia, this time a Savannah area alderman-elect, is arrested for domestic violence.

Patrick Stewart Speaks on the Legacy of DV

As a child, Patrick Stewart regularly saw his father hit his mother. In the Guardian, he describes how the horrors of his childhood remained with him in his adult life. We recommend that you follow the link, so you can read his comments in their entirety.

Caller ID Spoofing

Last week, a press release was issued by the makers of SpoofEm implying that Women's Resource Center and three other Georgia dv shelters endorse their telephone spoofing technology and use it in our safehouses. This is not true. Neither WRC nor the contacts we spoke with at any of the other shelters named use SpoofEm or any other telephone spoofing technology, and we have asked that they immediately cease the use of our name in their marketing.

Call spoofing technology can be extremely dangerous for women being stalked and, after a violent relationship ends, many women find that their former partners continue to harass them. When women attempt to screen their calls, call spoofing technology helps stalkers get through anyway by disguising the number. When women hope to file a Stalking Protective Order or criminal charges for harassment, call spoofing technology makes it harder because the women have no print record of constant calls from a number they can identify with their harasser. Call spoofing technology also makes it easier for stalkers to harass their victim at work, because it looks as if she is receiving calls from many different phone numbers. Some services even include voice change technology that can alter the voice, even helping male callers sound like women and vice versa.

In some circumstances, this technology could be useful for women on the run from their partners who are worried that family and friends may have their phones tapped, but those technologically savvy batterers are much more rare than those taking advantage of these products to harass and intimidate.