Chatham County Man Charged in Wife's Stabbing Death

As reported by savannahnow.com, a Chatham County man has been accused in his wife's murder.

...Police say [Kenneth Sanders] stabbed her to death in front of her three daughters, ages 4, 7 and 9.

Kenneth Sanders has been charged with murder, aggravated assault, possession of a knife in committing a crime and cruelty to children. He’s being held in the mental health wing of the Chatham County jail.

The girls are staying with their grandparents, Nancy Sanders’ mother and father, in Savannah.

LaVonya Oliver, the couple’s 20-year-old neighbor, called police after Nancy’s 7-year-old daughter rang her doorbell covered in blood.

“She said, ‘Can you help me because my daddy is stabbing my mommy,” Oliver said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Sanders family.

Lawrenceville Man a Suspect in Wife's Death

A missing Gwinnett County woman's body has been found and her husband is a suspect in her death, though no charges have been filed. The victim's sister suggests to The Gwinnett Daily Post that domestic violence had been present in their relationship.

When 44-year-old Nique (short for Dominique, and pronounced “Nikki”) [Leili] turned up beneath leaves and sticks, a few feet from residential Oak Village Lane, Elk’s sisterhood trio was fractured. Continuing silence on the part of Matt, who has retained an attorney and stopped cooperating with police, has piqued suspicions among Elk and other family, she said.
Police this week called Matt, 43, a suspect, but have filed no charges. Nique’s death is being probed as a homicide, though a cause of death was not apparent at the scene or after an autopsy. Further tests are pending.

“I’m letting police do their job,” said Elk, the family’s de facto spokeswoman. “I certainly have my opinions. We certainly want (Matt) investigated very strenuously.”

So far, the husband has remained silent. The criminal defense attorney, Lyle Porter, Matt retained before his wife’s body was discovered could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

.....

Elk said Matt equipped her sister’s car with LoJack tracking gear, downloaded a tracking application to her cellphone and equipped the home with multiple security cameras as a means to keep tabs on his wife, she said.

“He just monitored everything, and everybody,” Elk said. “He behaved like he was paranoid.”

Elk said she never witnessed the couple being violent toward each other, but she had become privy to a domestic 911 call on June 28 when Nique told dispatchers her husband was barring her from leaving the home.

Responding officers spoke to both sides individually and advised them of family violence laws. Neither wanted to leave, Smith said.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Leili family.

How Men Who Buy Sex View Women

Newsweek has an absolute must-read article on men who buy sex. It paints a haunting picture that illustrates the clear link between a view of women as objects and men's use of violence, which reinforces everything we have ever posted.

An excerpt:

Overall, the attitudes and habits of sex buyers reveal them as men who dehumanize and commodify women, view them with anger and contempt, lack empathy for their suffering, and relish their own ability to inflict pain and degradation.

Farley found that sex buyers were more likely to view sex as divorced from personal relationships than nonbuyers, and they enjoyed the absence of emotional involvement with prostitutes, whom they saw as commodities. “Prostitution treats women as objects and not ... humans,” said one john interviewed for the study.

In their interviews, the sex buyers often voiced aggression toward women, and were nearly eight times as likely as nonbuyers to say they would rape a woman if they could get away with it. Asked why he bought sex, one man said he liked “to beat women up.” Sex buyers in the study committed more crimes of every kind than nonbuyers, and all the crimes associated with violence against women were committed by the johns.

Prostitution has always been risky for women; the average age of death is 34, and the American Journal of Epidemiology reported that prostitutes suffer a “workplace homicide rate” 51 times higher than that of the next most dangerous occupation, working in a liquor store.

Please, please read the whole thing.

Nicki Minaj and Fighting Back

Last week, singer Nicki Minaj was involved in an incident of domestic violence during which, according to the police report, her companion hit her with a suitcase. Minaj chose not to press charges and then denied the account to the media. Taking to Twitter, she said (paraphrasing due to the adult language in the original tweet) people are stupid to believe that a man would hit her and not leave on a stretcher.

We hear a lot of women say that. Some think that domestic violence victims are weak. Others just think that their own self-esteem (or temper) is too high to "put up with" violence used against them. Zerlina Maxwell at TheLoop21 addresses this somewhat (clicking this link takes you to Minaj's original tweet, which contains adult language):

Being the victim of violence doesn’t make you weak. It makes the perpetrator of that violence look weak. Furthermore, Minaj’s insistence that she would have retaliated against the man if she had really been hit is wholly unacceptable.

We need to have a mature conversation around gender violence. It’s not appropriate for anyone to be hit or leave in a stretcher. The automatic response from Minaj should not be one that coincides with her stage image, she is a human being after all. Even if she didn’t want to admit to being hit, a more empowering response could have been “I was not the victim of domestic abuse but if you find yourself in that situation call the police or tell a friend. Get Help!”

Of course, these kinds of comments are dangerous for more reasons than just that violence should not be met with more violence. I talked to a woman literally as I was typing this post who was struggling to admit that her partner was abusive, that it was really all that bad, despite the fact that he has choked her in front of their child and is threatening to kill her. She said that it's hard to believe that it is real because she isn't the "meek" kind of woman that she thought "usually ended up in these situations". We are stereotyping domestic violence victims so much that they now cannot recognize themselves enough to seek help!

There's another reason why this reaction isn't helpful. WRC offers two free classes every month that the local judicial districts call "anger management". Women are mandated by the courts to attend these classes because they have been arrested for family violence. Some of the women in the class genuinely have anger management issues, but most are victims of domestic violence who were arrested for fighting back. Our classes are 1/3 DV support group, 1/3 anger management, and 1/3 instructions for how to avoid future arrests and how to get this one expunged from your record.

In the class, we often show a video about the Framingham 8, a group of 8 women in Framingham, Massachusetts who were imprisoned for killing a spouse or partner after years of domestic violence. Several of those women have since won their freedom by using Battered Women's Syndrome as a defense. We had a woman in class recently, who you will recall was there because she had been arrested for fighting back, who was assaulted again by her partner a few days after the class. She called to tell us that she thinks that video might have saved her life. Instead of fighting back and possibly escalating the violence, getting arrested again, or killing her partner, she just took the abuse. For her, that was her best-case scenario.

It's not a pretty picture, but here we are. How disheartening is it that we are asked to teach classes for victims that instruct them not to fight back or they might go to jail? The unfortunate truth is that many victims of domestic violence do go to jail for fighting back, or for killing their partners, and the effects of that often last longer than the effects of the physical violence. Once you are arrested, it is harder to find a job. While you are in jail, your children might be taken from you (and sometimes even given to your batterer). You are labeled the "aggressor" by the legal system, a label which follows you throughout your interactions with the courts as you later try to press charges or file a protective order. That label also prevents you from receiving services from the court victim advocates and even some domestic violence programs (though certainly not ours). To help women have the best chance of rebuilding their lives after domestic violence, while they are in it, we are encouraged to tell them just to take it.

How can we get to the hard work of ending domestic violence when we have to tell 80ish women per month just to take it?

We are thankful to be able to offer these classes, for free, because instead victims who are arrested would have to pay a more traditional anger management program to treat them like a criminal. We are lucky to have this means of introducing our agency to women who might otherwise never attend a DV support group or hear about our services. We are also disgusted that so many women who don't belong there end up in these classes at all, and we work hard for the day when our community no longer punishes women for the crimes committed against them.

Sandy Springs Murder-Suicide

According to the AJC, a Sandy Springs man is suspected of killing his wife and then killing himself.

Irene Mickens arrived at the Sandy Springs apartment Tuesday night to tend to her daughter, who, according to her soon-to-be ex-husband, was seriously ill.

The five-year-old was not sick, it turns out. Jamal Mickens had taken the girl, along with the couple's 7-year-old son, to his sister's home in McDonough earlier that day before returning home to meet his wife.

Sometime between 6 p.m. Tuesday and 9 a.m. Wednesday, the recent Emory University graduate shot his estranged spouse in the head before turning the gun on himself, Sandy Springs police spokesman Steve Rose said.

"He lured her there," said Donna Penn, a friend of Mickens' who was on the phone with her minutes before she arrived at the Hammond Drive apartment were the couple lived, though not together.

Their bodies were found by police called to scene by Irene Mickens' father, concerned for his daughter's safety. Officers found a 9 mm semi-automatic handgun next to 40-year-old Jamal Mickens' dead body.

There are a couple of interesting things about this story. First, the AJC is determined to sprinkle class markers throughout their article on this homicide-suicide, which took place in a wealthier section of North Fulton County. Jamal Mickens has a Master's Degree from Emory University. There is a photo of the police towing a BMW from the scene. Though we don't know why the AJC felt it necessary to include this information, it does remind us that domestic violence is not an issue limited by class, and that educated people in nice neighborhoods are also vulnerable to violence in the home.

In addition, because WRC offers supervised visitation and exchange services at Nia's Place, we pay particular attention to instances where men take the lives of their former partners during visitation or custody exchanges. Just because a woman has decided to end the relationship with her batterer, that does not mean that she will be safe. In fact, women who have children with their batterer, especially if they were married or if their partner legitimized the children in court, are forever tied to him. Judges are very gung-ho about giving rights to any fathers who want them, whether it is good for the children or not. In fact, men who batter are more likely to have visitation or joint custody, because they are more likely to ask for it since it guarantees their continued access to the child(ren)'s mother.

If you are a woman who is afraid of experiencing violence when meeting your child(ren)'s father to exchange the children, call one of our legal advocates at (404) 370-7670 to get more information on how to request supervised visitation or exchange and what resources are available in your area.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Mickens family.