The Big Picture: DV 101 - Effects on Children

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

DV 101 - Effects on Children

Witnessing domestic violence has a number of negative effects on children, even if they were never physically abused themselves. For a personal account, we encourage you to view this video of actor Patrick Stewart as he discusses his experience with family violence as a child.

The following list of effects is not all-encompassing, nor does it reflect the experience of every child. Some children will suffer many of the effects listed, some a few of them, some none at all, and some will have reactions not listed. However, this list describes the extent of the damage that family violence has on the children who witness it.

Emotional

Feeling guilty about the abuse and believing that the abuse is their fault
Feeling guilty for not stopping the abuse
Believing that it is their responsibility to protect one parent from the violent acts of the other
Grief, depression, embarrassment, resentment
Fear of being abused
Fear of losing a parent
Fear of having to fend for oneself
Fear for the safety of siblings
Believing that it is their responsibility to keep siblings safe
Anger about the chaos in their lives
Feeling helpless and hopeless

Cognitive

Blaming others for their own behavior
Believing that it is acceptable to use abusive behavior in order to control others
Low self- esteem
Not expressing needs
Inability to trust others
Rigid stereotypes about gender roles

Behavioral

Aggressive and “out of control” behavior
Excessive concern about achieving or being “good”
Disinterest in school achievement
Adopting the role of caretaker for siblings and/or an abused parent
Becoming passive and withdrawn
Becoming aloof, sarcastic, defensive, or overly sensitive
Constantly seeking attention
Bedwetting and having nightmares
Mimicking the abuser’s behavior

Social

Isolating from others
Difficulty trusting others
Poor anger management and problem-solving skills
Excessive social involvement (to avoid home life)
Passivity with peers or bullying peers
Perpetrating violence or tolerating violence in dating relationships
Engaging in exceedingly rough play

Physiological

Acting nervous, anxious, or not paying attention (may have a false ADHD diagnosis)
Acting lethargic
Becoming frequently ill
Exhibiting poor personal hygiene
Developmental delays
Desensitization to physical and/or emotional pain
Engaging in high risk behaviors
Engaging in self abuse

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Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is the establishment of control and fear in a relationship through physical, sexual, emotional, and/or financial abuse. Both men and women are capable of misusing power and perpetrating violence, and male victims are often just as afraid to call the police. More resources for female survivors exist, however, because overwhelmingly women and children suffer the most severe consequences (medical, legal, social, and financial) and therefore require the most intensive interventions.

Many women choose to stay in abusive relationships because they do not want their relationship to end...just the violence. Women often remain in, or return to, abusive relationships because their partners threaten to harm them and their loved ones if they attempt to leave. Commonly, women choose to leave when they become convinced that their life is at risk, or that their children are in danger.

Domestic violence is not just a "family matter". The violence will not stop until men and women come together with a common attitude of non-tolerance. We must speak out for those who may not feel safe speaking up, and our children must learn through our words and example that violence is never justified.