The Big Picture: We Have to Learn

Thursday, March 24, 2011

We Have to Learn

Imagine that, we get to talk about Chris Brown again. It's almost as if he hasn't learned a thing.

In case you haven't heard, Chris Brown was on Good Morning American yesterday and they had the unmitigated gall to ask him questions about what he did to Rihanna. Why can't they just forgive him and move on already? /sarcasm

Instead of reacting like someone who decided to learn from his mistakes and take his court-ordered anger management classes to heart, he has a violent outburst, smashes a window, and storms out of the interview. He did this immediately after saying, about his assault on Rihanna, "It's not really a big deal to me now, as far as that situation. I think I'm past that in my life."

ABC news reports that he proceeded to perform as promised after the interview, but once back-stage he stormed into his dressing room and started screaming and tearing the room apart. This doesn't sound like someone who has moved past his use of violence.

People can change. Batterers can change. We have seen it, but they have to want it. They have to have a compelling reason to change their behavior. Some men resolve to make changes in themselves because they face imprisonment, others because they don't want to lose their wife or partner, and many do so for the good of their children. But, unfortunately, the percentage of men who want to make those changes, and are thus successful in doing so, is small, and Chris Brown doesn't appear to be one of them. He probably will never be until we give him a good reason. People didn't stop buying his albums or going to his concerts. Television outlets still grant him interviews. Until we are willing to hold him and other celebrities like them accountable for their violence in a way that forces them to pay attention - like in their wallets - they almost literally have nothing to lose when they beat a woman again. And believe us, they will.

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Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is the establishment of control and fear in a relationship through physical, sexual, emotional, and/or financial abuse. Both men and women are capable of misusing power and perpetrating violence, and male victims are often just as afraid to call the police. More resources for female survivors exist, however, because overwhelmingly women and children suffer the most severe consequences (medical, legal, social, and financial) and therefore require the most intensive interventions.

Many women choose to stay in abusive relationships because they do not want their relationship to end...just the violence. Women often remain in, or return to, abusive relationships because their partners threaten to harm them and their loved ones if they attempt to leave. Commonly, women choose to leave when they become convinced that their life is at risk, or that their children are in danger.

Domestic violence is not just a "family matter". The violence will not stop until men and women come together with a common attitude of non-tolerance. We must speak out for those who may not feel safe speaking up, and our children must learn through our words and example that violence is never justified.